Motley Moose – Archive

Good morning, Moosekind. TGIF!

Today: The saga of the self-healing Jeep. Last August our daughter had an unfortunate incident that resulted in the heavy plastic back corner of my Jeep being dented in pretty significantly. We chose not to fix it because A) Jeep and B) 2003. Anyway a couple of days ago we noticed that the dent had spontaneously popped back out. A little Armor All and you can’t tell it ever happened.

Working theory is that the shrink/expand cycle from our recent temperature roller coaster somehow popped it out, but still. Creepy in an awesome kinda way. Or awesome in a creepy kinda way. Not exactly sure which.

Interrogatories

How hot and spicy do you like your food? What’s your favorite hot and spicy food?

Do you use coupons? If so, do you save a lot of money?

Do you ever correct people’s English if they make really bad mistakes while speaking?

The Twitter Emitter

All these judges overturning gay marriage bans. Oklahoma, New Mexico, Utah. It's like they think gays have rights under the Constitution.

— Top Conservative Cat (@TeaPartyCat) January 15, 2014

Buffer zones around Supreme Courts are unconstitutional. I just want to talk to them.

— David Waldman (@KagroX) January 15, 2014

When corporations poison our water and the #GOP threatens to blow up the global economy, the terrorists not only win, they take the day off

— The Daily Edge (@TheDailyEdge) January 15, 2014

“Senate has been unable to extend unemployment benefits.” “At Fort Sumter the states have been unable to end slavery”

— Dana Houle (@DanaHoule) January 15, 2014

If the long-term unemployed were threatening to cause Republicans in Congress flight delays, they'd have their unemployment by sundown.

— LOLGOP (@LOLGOP) January 15, 2014

Obscure Florida law states that car dealerships may only make tv commercials that feature untalented grandchildren.

— John Fugelsang (@JohnFugelsang) January 15, 2014

GOP economic policy is driven by their dripping contempt for the POOR.

— Don Millard (@OTOOLEFAN) January 15, 2014

Louie Gohmert's performance art is cruel and condescending to ignorant hayseeds.

— Chris Dashiell (@cdashiell) January 15, 2014

Sarah Palin: "I hope my friends know not to call me when Duck Dynasty is on tonight. #StandWithPhil Also anyone know what time and channel?"

— Top Conservative Cat (@TeaPartyCat) January 15, 2014

Rand Paul: I joined Snapchat. Now send me your reproductive rights and watch them disappear 🙂

— LOLGOP (@LOLGOP) January 15, 2014

  Make sure you let your peeps

  know where to find you!  

Interrogatories

How many hats do you own? What kinds?

Do you still have friends from grade school?

Have you violated any “Terms of Agreement” in any way? Have you been caught?

The Twitter Emitter

What's the diff btw Americans on unemployment insurance & Congress? Americans on unemployment insurance want to work. #p2

— John Fugelsang (@JohnFugelsang) January 14, 2014

Justin Bieber's home has now been thoroughly searched, but police have uncovered no evidence of talent.

— God (@TheTweetOfGod) January 15, 2014

"The bigger the government, the smaller the people," he said, as he waited for the okay to begin drinking the water from his faucets again.

— LOLGOP (@LOLGOP) January 15, 2014

If I prayed, I'd ask God to stop making Republicans.

— Danforth France (@danforthfrance) January 14, 2014

People are really making too big a deal out of this West Virginia thing. Now that we have bottled water, do you really need a working tap?

— Jack Kimble (@RepJackKimble) January 14, 2014

Also, please stop the white-on-white gun violence at the movies.

— David Waldman (@KagroX) January 14, 2014

Money doesn't make the world go round. It just increases the rate of spin.

— Peter Flom (@peterflom) January 13, 2014

Why is it everyone on Twitter who have "loves Freedom" in their bio actually hates that the rest of us have it? #GOPFail

— Eileen (@taboo1099) January 15, 2014

Performance Review = when someone tells you you're doing a perfect job, & we'll need you to start doing everything differently.

— John Fugelsang (@JohnFugelsang) January 13, 2014

Good morning meese! Happy happy Wednesday!

The common Moose, Alces alces, unlike other members of the deer family, is a solitary animal that doesn’t form herds. Not so its rarer but nearest relative, Alces purplius, the Motley Moose. Though sometimes solitary, the Motley Moose herds in ever shifting groups at the local watering hole to exchange news and just pass the time.

Interrogatories

What’s your take on the Christie affair? Do you think he’ll resign if implicated? If so, it that the end of his political career (and the start of his Fox News career)?

Have you ever dressed up a pet and lived to tell the tale? Got pics?

What form of organization describes you best? A total mess but you know exactly where everything is, scrupulously tidy and everything in its place, or maybe something else?

The Twitter Emitter

"I should go to bed." Translation: Let me continually refresh my tabs for another hour.

— RapGamePhilipGlass (@GuildedAge) January 13, 2014

Britt Hume says Christie is in trouble because of our "feminized" culture. Corruption and bullying are just good masculine traits.

— Chris Dashiell (@cdashiell) January 13, 2014

Chris Christie can't comment on those new allegations yet. His remaining staff are waiting for him to finish his workout.

— Top Conservative Cat (@TeaPartyCat) January 13, 2014

Bill and Emma Keller are invited to die and show us all how it should be done

— kara vallow (@teenagesleuth) January 13, 2014

google bought nest so that google glass can see the temp in your house and roast you when skynet is activated.

— Oliver Willis (@owillis) January 13, 2014

Rich people are the victims here because all the hungry people want a piece of them.

— Chris Dashiell (@cdashiell) January 13, 2014

What happens when there's a scandal about water rights or something — will media be forced to call it "Water-Gate"?

— Tom Tomorrow (@tomtomorrow) January 14, 2014

Bush left us with 2 failing wars and depression. But at least he didn't get 10 million people health insurance.

— LOLGOP (@LOLGOP) January 14, 2014

They really need to take a closer look at the violent video games these 71-year-old retirees are playing.

— David Waldman (@KagroX) January 14, 2014

2.3 million children live with unemployed parents who were cut off from benefits, and yet Democrats STILL won't repeal child labor laws.

— Top Conservative Cat (@TeaPartyCat) January 14, 2014

  Make sure you let your peeps

  know where to find you!  

Interrogatories

How much of a germ/bacteria-phobe are you?

Accordions – love them or hate them?

How much of a skeptic are you? Do you have any “out there” things that you believe in?

Who was your famous person childhood crush?

The Twitter Emitter

Louie Gohmert is a living reminder of how slow evolution really is.

— Chris Dashiell (@cdashiell) January 10, 2014

Darrell Issa: "So far my investigation into the Velveeta shortage all points to Michelle Obama, who is the only person I'm investigating."

— Top Conservative Cat (@TeaPartyCat) January 9, 2014

Eager to learn which governor's revenge plot is behind the Velveeta shortage.

— Ronan Farrow (@RonanFarrow) January 9, 2014

I once got so mad at a guy I did a full econometric analysis of retail queues

— Ezra Klein (@ezraklein) January 9, 2014

Louie Gohmert is a living reminder of how slow evolution really is.

— Chris Dashiell (@cdashiell) January 10, 2014

Social media is one of the best things to ever happen to stupidity.

— God (@TheTweetOfGod) January 10, 2014

You know, if a Democratic Governor had been caught doing this, they would have been drawn, quartered, tarred and feathered by now.

— UV (@UltraVerified) January 11, 2014

Just heard how long WOLF OF WALL STREET is. If I wanted to feel uncomfortable about money for 3 hours I'd just do my taxes.

— Tim Federle (@TimFederle) January 11, 2014

Time for some traffic problems for the voices in my head.

— Jeff Tiedrich (@jefftiedrich) January 11, 2014

The G.W. Bridge has always been a target for terrorists. We just didn't think the terrorists would be #Republicans.

— Mary W. Matthews (@MWM4444) January 11, 2014

I think we can all agree the best acceptance speech would be from Hodor.

— pourmecoffee (@pourmecoffee) January 13, 2014

  Good morning Motley Meese! Hope your weekend was lovely. Sorry it’s over so soon.

  Make sure you let your peeps

  know where to find you!