Motley Moose – Archive

Since 2008 – Progress Through Politics

Open Letter to Herman Cain

Dear Mr. Herman Cain, in regards to your recent interview, please find enclosed comments we feel will better prepare you for your next job opportunity.

The position you interviewed for was President of the United States. For this position a basic understanding of the history and current status of the larger segments of the human population is a mandatory prerequisite. After your interview we held a meeting to share our impressions of our time spent with you, and we regret to inform you that we reached agreement that you are without those very fundamental segments of human knowledge. We believe your effort was sincere and heartfelt, but the position requires at least a college sophomore familiarity with world affairs, as was stated in the employment listing.

Your responses to a question from one of your interviewer’s in regards to the religion of Islam, was, and we quote:

“Based upon the little knowledge that I have of the Muslim religion, you know, they have an objective to convert all infidels or kill them,”

You had separately said the following to another interviewer, in regards to whether you would allow members of the Islamic faith to take part in federal government:

“there is this attempt to gradually ease Sharia law and the Muslim faith into our government.”

Based on these and other comments we regret to say that we cannot offer you employment at this time. To assist you with the development of your career goals a few of your interviewers have provided opportunities for further reading.

This guy wants to be President in less than 24 months and he knows literally nothing of the 1,300-year history of 1.57 billion people on the planet? I mean, this is not a Jeopardy question about when the Teotihuacan complex was occupied in ancient Mexico (100 BCE – 250 CE), this is just a general knowledge question concerning the general sweep of history behind 23% of the world’s population. Try reading a book you don’t already own.

These are folks we will be expecting you to interact with if we give you the job you are interviewing for. A very basic understanding of their religious culture is an entry requirement to the job you interviewed for with us. I don’t know a lot about Islam, but simply through the osmosis of not living under a rock all my life I know Muslim history is full of multi-ethnic cities and countries and I think they built the first universities where Christians studied. Heck, there aren’t any countries that are entirely 100% Muslim right now, and I’m pretty sure none of them have mowed down all the unbelievers. Get out of your house, walk in a random direction for a random amount of time, and talk about anything at all to the first person you see. You are bound to learn more about the world than you have so far.

You can learn this stuff on wikipedia. That’s a website. Not “.com” – they have other ending-letter-things on the Information Superhighway. And the period after “” is not something you have to type in, or the quote (“) marks (or the parentheses..). Here, let me make this easier:

You will need a computer. Have your ten-year-old granddaughter show you how to use it. She will be able to explain Google and Wikipedia to you.

Once you get the hang of it, Buddhists make up 10% of the population, so once you read the wikipage on them you only need to read about Hinduism and you have knocked out a primer on more than half the human population. There are 1.1 billion atheists, so you might want to read up on them and the Hindus and Chinese Traditionalists.

So, assuming you have an idea where Christian culture comes from the rest of the population is just a rounding error. I include the relevant links below to make it easy for you (I am assuming your granddaughter has shown you how to click on things with your mouse). You should be able to knock out the reading with no more than two cups of coffee, and you will be a wiser man for it.

Islam – 1.5 billion people we will expect you to know something about:”

Irreligious – 1.1 billion people we will expect you to know something about:

Hinduism: 900 million people we will expect you to know something about:”>

Chinese traditional religion: 400 million people we will expect you to know something about:

Buddhism: 400 Million people we will expect you to know something about:

Also, just to make your evening of study more efficient, here is a list of very large countries that we would like you to read up on. The Wikipedia page you see has words that are highlighted that you can click on for more information, but as long as you at least read these pages you will be able to continue your interview process without further embarrassing everyone.





Egypt (you may recall this one from Bible study):


We wish you all the best in your career.


  1. Rashaverak

    by their lack of knowledge.  Not so: they wear it like a badge of honor.

    On April 18, 2006, Palin and I sat together in a hotel coffee shop comparing campaign trail notes. As we talked about the debates, Palin made a comment that highlights the phenomenon that Biden is up against.

    “Andrew, I watch you at these debates with no notes, no papers and yet when asked questions you spout off facts, figures and policies and I’m amazed. But then I look out into the audience and I ask myself, ‘Does any of this really matter?’ ” Palin said.

    While public policy wonks might cringe, the fact was that Sarah Palin was simply vocalizing her biggest campaign strength without realizing it. During the campaign, from January to November, Palin’s message on important public policy issues never evolved — because it didn’t have to. Her ability to fill the debate halls with her presence and her gift of the glittering generality made it possible for her to rely on populism instead of policy.

  2. Bill Maher by way of on BruinKid on DKOS:

    And finally, New Rule. Now that it’s become clear that the Republicans, the fiscally conservative, strong on defense party, are neither fiscally conservative nor strong on defense, they have to tell us what exactly it is they’re good at.

    Because it’s not defense. 9/11 happened on your watch.  And you retaliated by invading the wrong country.  And you lost a 10-year game of hide-and-seek with Osama bin Laden. And you’re responsible for running up most of the debt, which, more than anything, makes us weak. You’re supposed to be the party with the killer instinct. But it was a Democrat who put a bomb in Gaddafi’s bedroom and a bullet in bin Laden’s eye like Moe Greene.  Raising the question, how many Muslims does a black guy have to kill in one weekend before crackers climb down off his ass?

    Another classic:

    In 2008, the candidates were asked, if they knew for sure that bin Laden was in Pakistan, would you send our guys in without permission to get him?  McCain said no, because Pakistan is a sovereign nation.  Obama said yes, he’d just do it.  And McCain called him naïve.  Who’s being naïve, K?  And why can’t you just admit that Barack Obama is one efficient steely-nerved multitasking black ninja gangsta President?

    In one week, he produced his birth certificate, comforted disaster victims, swung by Florida to say hey to Gabby Giffords, did stand-up at the Correspondents Dinner, and then personally repelled into bin Laden’s lair and put a Chinese star through his throat without waking up any of his 13 wives!  That’s how it went down, I saw it on MSNBC.

  3. Shaun Appleby

    I enjoyed the answer Cain gave when asked about his previous support of Romney, “Well, he lost.”  Heh.  Says it all.

Comments are closed.