Some of you may have noticed that I have not been keeping up on my Daily Tubes lately. As I have felt that this was my major contribution to the Moose, and had consistently posted the tubes during the time I have had internet access, my failure to keep up on this has left me feeling rather guilty as of late. While I joke about things all of the time, the truth of the matter is that I suffer from a major mental illness. I am still ashamed to write these words as I have been a moderately successful and happy human being for the majority of my life.
However, over the past couple of years I have suffered from bipolar disorder, post traumatic stress disorder and major panic attacks. These problems have left me unable to work and at times unable to even function on the most basic of levels.
I suspect that I have always been mildly bipolar. I have also had numerous experiences that have caused me to have PTSD. Moving to Iran when I was nine was very traumatic. Having my parents and brother held in Iran when we were evacuated to Bahrain in 1979 was terrifying. I waited two weeks with our dog Copper at the Bahrain Holiday Inn for them to be freed. I actually believe moving to Upham, North Dakota was even worse. My father was the school superintendent and the (other;~) hostages were taken shortly after we moved there. The other kids thought I was the strangest creature they had ever met. They were probably correct.
Then in 1997 my partner and I were forced to leave our home in Grand Forks, North Dakota because of the rising waters of the Red River. We were again evacuated from our hotel a day later as the entire city was told to leave. We watched the city flood and burn from a friends home a day or so later.
I do not believe any of these experiences were preexisting conditions for me, as I got stronger and better after each event. Anytime I have been hurt, or even traumatized, I have achieved more than I had before the terrible event.
Not this time. I worked as a child protection assessment worker for a Minnesota county and then for an Anishinabe Tribe since 2001. My first few years at the county were rather wonderful. I know that is an odd thing to say, but I truly felt we were helping children and families. However, when things changed and it became more about money than helping, and our relationship with the Tribe that was a major part of our county became impossible, I moved on.