Motley Moose – Archive

Interrogatories

[channeling the HUAC]: Are you now, or have you ever been, a member of the Communist Party? Republican Party?

Not to get too personal, but do you still have all the parts you were born with? (circumcised males need not mention that)

Candy Corn: Food or flavored wax?

For Haunted Refrigerator Day, assuming yours was haunted, what would it be that haunted it?

The Twitter Emitter

The more you know, the more you wish you didn't.

— God (@TheTweetOfGod) October 28, 2013

Rubio gives up on immigration reform, will focus instead on "getting abs like Paul Ryan by 2016"

— The Daily Edge (@TheDailyEdge) October 28, 2013

Marco Rubio could win the Tea Party back in a second if he would announce he's primarying Marco Rubio.

— HELL-OL GOP (@LOLGOP) October 28, 2013

NSA surveillance of 35 world leaders' phones produced "little reportable intelligence" but we can assume many terrible sexts.

— Ronan Farrow (@RonanFarrow) October 28, 2013

Anyone who hates Obamacare exchanges is still free to buy insurance on the individual market. I hear it's super easy w/o the gov't involved

— Judd Legum (@JuddLegum) October 28, 2013

NASCAR had its first African American race winner since 1963, though Donald Trump says "it's not official until I see a birth certificate."

— Top Conservative Cat (@TeaPartyCat) October 28, 2013

Fox News panelist rattling off the coverage "most people don’t need” includes substance abuse which is weird bc they’re obviously high.

— Ana SCARY Cox (@anamariecox) October 28, 2013

Bong water taffy was also met with limited success.

— Lizz Winstead (@lizzwinstead) October 28, 2013

Most people who believe in intelligent design are evidence against it.

— Peter Flom (@peterflom) October 28, 2013

Obamacare ate my baby!

— kara vallow (@teenagesleuth) October 28, 2013

Oh, wait… my insurance went up every year before Obama was even elected. He IS the anti-Christ!

— Teresa CORPSE-c (@TeresaKopec) October 29, 2013

Folks who liked those indy policies probably didn't test them by getting seriously ill. The ill went bankrupt.

— Diane Webber (@dwebbKHN) October 29, 2013

So the "scandal" discovered by @nbc is that insurers can no longer sell substandard plans? yes, that's called "passing a new law."

— Anson Kaye (@AEWK) October 29, 2013

Interrogatories

If you were invited to a really fancy dinner party, would you know which fork/knife/spoon/glass etc. to use, and when? If so, would you be able to engage in sparkling conversation at the same time?

What is the most recent book you finished. Was it good?

Where was your family (parents, grandparents…) during the Great Depression? How did they make ends meet?

Are you a fan of boxing? Have you ever boxed?

The Twitter Emitter

Suzanne Somers from that old show “Three’s Company” wrote an anti-Obamacare op-ed for the Wall Street Journal:

Suzanne Somers now leads in early Iowa 2016 caucus polls http://t.co/VFfugXJb1L

— daveweigel (@daveweigel) October 28, 2013

After Suzanne Somers take on Obamacare in the Wall Street Journal, I can't wait to hear Anson Williams's take on immigration.

— Crutnacker (@Crutnacker) October 28, 2013

Waiting for the rebuttal from Cheryl Ladd.

— Chris Dashiell (@cdashiell) October 28, 2013

Good to see Suzanne Somers still playing Crissy Snow 35 years later.

— Crutnacker (@Crutnacker) October 28, 2013

I can't wait for WSJ's new economics blog written by Tony Danza.

— T. (@TPPratt) October 29, 2013

Oh, shit, Chrissy doesn't like Obamacare? Well, never mind, then.

— Bearded Tombstoner (@beardedstoner) October 29, 2013

Not sure which is worse: Rand Paul copying his Liberty University speech from the 'GATTACA' Wikipedia entry or Herman Cain quoting Pokemon.

— Jason Febery (@JasonFebery) October 29, 2013

REMINDER: Before Obamacare insurance companies could only drop you if they had a good reason like they wanted to or you had cancer.

— HELL-OL GOP (@LOLGOP) October 29, 2013

If your doctor's office cared about your well being they wouldn't have copies of Us Magazine in the waiting room.

— John Fugelsang (@JohnFugelsang) October 29, 2013

Lindsey Graham: "I'm gonna block every appointment until I get new hearings on Benghazi, or until I'm no longer facing a primary challenge."

— Top Conservative Cat (@TeaPartyCat) October 28, 2013

Ken Cuccinelli's whole life is the Seinfeld episode where they try not to masturbate.

— HELL-OL GOP (@LOLGOP) October 28, 2013

Interrogatories

How many U.S. States have you been to? How many countries have you been to? Which were your favorites?

Are you good at chess? How often do you play?

Do you actually read every word of the terms and conditions for software updates and various memberships?

When you were in grade school, did you ever have to make goofy presents for a parent as an art project? What did you make? Did the parent like it? Did the parent keep it?

The Twitter Emitter

@angelanicole74 I like how people always got a limit on how much the working class/poor "should have" but not how much the rich should have.

— Arrakis of Sarcasm (@yeloson) October 23, 2013

Immigration reform? I wonder how you say "Kabuki" in Spanish?

— William K. Wolfrum (@Wolfrum) October 24, 2013

If the primary use you make of your religion is to yell at people, you may wish to rethink your life

— SheriffFruitfly (@sherifffruitfly) October 25, 2013

At least we'll get a Lou Reed episode of Glee.

— rob delaney (@robdelaney) October 27, 2013

My kid is almost old enough for social media so we'll need to have "the talk" soon. You know, about your/you're and their/there/they're.

— Will Ferrell (@Will___Ferrell) October 27, 2013

It's not true that blackface is never funny. Racists think it's hilarious.

— Ian BOOOOdreau (@iboudreau) October 27, 2013

Great Britain, the rains will continue until Piers Morgan's citizenship is revoked.

— God (@TheTweetOfGod) October 27, 2013

This one is satire, unfortunately:

Lou Reed was one of the worst senators of all time. I'd say good riddance.

— Sarah PaIin (@SarahPaIinUSA) October 27, 2013

I can’t resist a pun:

(Shake, Shake, Shake) Shake Djibouti #songsaboutplaces

— cassandracarolina (@cassandra17lina) October 28, 2013

When your life becomes complete, it kills you.

— Gautam Trivedi (@Gotham3) October 28, 2013

Interrogatories

It’s National Greasy Foods Day. None of these has to be greasy if cooked right. What is your favorite food in the so-called “Greasy Food” category?

It’s International Artists Day. Do you have a favorite artist, and if so, who is it?

Speaking of artists, what is your opinion of Banksy?

What is your favorite building in your city? Why?

The Twitter Emitter

To give Ted Cruz credit, he DID display the virtues of political discipline and unity, once he united his entire chamber against Ted Cruz.

— Chris Lehmann (@lehmannchris) October 16, 2013

BREAKING: Princeton/Harvard Law grad whose wife works for Goldman Sachs attacks the Establishment

— Ben Jacobs (@Bencjacobs) October 16, 2013

When is the House E&C hearing on the dumbass, pointless, costly, harmful govt shutdown?

— roadkillrefugee (@rkref) October 24, 2013

#GOP Game Plan: 1. Pick something about #Obama. 2. Launch an investigation over it. 3. Impeach #Obama. 4. Repeat 1-3 'til something sticks.

— Eric Wolfson (@ericwolfson) October 24, 2013

“If you’re an intellectually honest liberal you’ll unquestioningly accept my histrionic proclamations that ACA rollout is worst thing ever!”

— Dana Houle (@DanaHoule) October 24, 2013

If Congress needs to see an Obamacare error log, it can just look at the 40-odd repeal votes in the Congressional Record.

— Danielle (@DCPlod) October 24, 2013

Next on Monkey Court: Bobo groomed Tinkles, but says Tinkles never returned the favor. Celebrity judge Ted Cruz presides.

— Hunter (@HunterDK) October 24, 2013

Why can't that fucking President Obama live up to the Bush standard? He was able to coordinate voting machines across 36 states! Leadership!

— kara vallow (@teenagesleuth) October 25, 2013

Spying is like farting. Everyone does it, but when you catch someone doing it, you complain.

— Frank Vdl (@fvdlfvdl) October 25, 2013

Pat Robertson attributes healthcare .gov glitches to "gay code that entered the site from a back door."

— Top Conservative Cat (@TeaPartyCat) October 25, 2013

Interrogatories

Last week when I asked about places that no longer exist that you’d like to visit,  the Library of Alexandria was the most frequent answer. So, IF you could visit it, and IF you were able to read the contents, what section of the library would you head for first?

What is your favorite internet search engine. Why?

What is your favorite online photo upload site? Why?

Licorice: A good thing or a bad thing (the black stuff, the red vines are not really licorice)?

The Twitter Emitter

WE HATE THE INDIVIDUAL MANDATE AND WILL RAISE HOLY HELL IF IT ISN'T IMPLEMENTED ON TIME! #tcot

— LOLGOP (@LOLGOP) October 23, 2013

Since bigots don't engage in any useful pursuits, they tend to have lots of free time.

— Chris Dashiell (@cdashiell) October 23, 2013

I feel guilty whenever I have to evict a cat from my lap.

— Unstable Isotope (@UnstableIsotope) October 23, 2013

Market Place interviews lady upset her ins is being cancelled. Not so upset that she bothered to look at exchange to see if better offer.

— Teresa (@TeresaKopec) October 23, 2013

You can lead @chucktodd to the Press Room, wrap a fact in some bacon, shove it in his mouth & stroke his throat and he still spits it out.

— allanbrauer (@allanbrauer) October 23, 2013

It was brilliant of #Obama to schedule the World Series to distract from the http://t.co/hlT3Yk48m6 launch.

— allanbrauer (@allanbrauer) October 23, 2013

Ted Cruz: "The GOP has a much better plan for healthcare than Obamacare. It's called Wishful Thinking."

— Top Conservative Cat (@TeaPartyCat) October 23, 2013

Remember to celebrate Nancy Grace's birthday by being enraged about everything to the point where everyone around you is uncomfortable.

— pourmecoffee (@pourmecoffee) October 24, 2013

Republicans seem so butthurt. Thankfully, Obamacare covers that.

— phive (@phive0phor) October 24, 2013

All these revelations about Dick Cheney's heart problems show how dangerously close America came to having Bush in charge.

— John Fugelsang (@JohnFugelsang) October 24, 2013

The Yankees are trending and "Suck" is not. Twitter might have a virus.

— Crutnacker (@Crutnacker) October 24, 2013

Interrogatories

Do you have a staircase at home or work? How many stairs? Do have have any issues with stairs?

Did you ever cheat at any kinds of games or sports? How?

Have you ever been on a cruise? How was it? Would you do it again?

Do you use candles in your home? For ambience or necessity or something else? Do you have scented candles? What scents?

The Twitter Emitter

“Can you believe the salary these BART guys get to drive a train?” -someone whose job is making internet ads more clickable.

— Jim Ray (@jimray) October 18, 2013

What if we all turn out to be a story debunked on Snopes? #existentialcrisis

— John W. Ennis (@johnennis) October 18, 2013

Bean bags were Punching bags who stopped going to the gym

— Author Unknown (@Twincognito) October 18, 2013

Cheney thinks he was entitled to a new heart and you're not cuz you already had one. #Obamacare

— John (@linnyitssn) October 21, 2013

Yes, Republicans did help end slavery and they still mention that a lot cuz it was the last time they were on the right side of history #GOP

— John (@linnyitssn) October 21, 2013

Dear poor people, please pray for all those #teaparty Christians. They've been suffering so much ever since you have healthcare. #Obamacare

— John (@linnyitssn) October 21, 2013

Bring me chocolate cake. The power of Christ compels you.

— Evil Willow. (@thewayoftheid) October 21, 2013

Ask your doctor if being an incoherent bobblehead like @SarahPalinUSA is right for you.

— Jeff Tiedrich (@jefftiedrich) October 22, 2013

If you missed today's polling news, a majority of Americans just want to get high and for the GOP to cut it out. Now you're caught up.

— pourmecoffee (@pourmecoffee) October 22, 2013

Rep. Renee Ellmers: "Obamacare has completely failed. All I hear are horror stories. I haven't seen one positive story on it on Fox News!"

— Top Conservative Cat (@TeaPartyCat) October 22, 2013

Watching The Biggest Loser. Where the hell is @tedcruz?

— Crutnacker (@Crutnacker) October 23, 2013

Interrogatories

When you first started using the internet, what newbie mistakes did you make, if any?

What is your favorite nut? Do you prefer to eat them out of the shell, or some other way?

It’s National Color Day, what’s your favorite color? Does this change over time, or has it remained the same?

Do you throw away things like towels when they start to get frayed and tattered?

The Twitter Emitter

It's not just the beta website for Obamacare that is lagging, the death panels are way behind their quotas already.

— John W. Ennis (@johnennis) October 18, 2013

.@FoxNews I’m hearing glitches on ACA websites are much, much worse than going bankrupt from cervical cancer treatment.

— rob delaney (@robdelaney) October 18, 2013

You know the funniest thing about the #Obamacare site glitches? How they didn't cost American taxpayers $24billion.

— John Fugelsang (@JohnFugelsang) October 18, 2013

If you really thought Obamacare was worse than slavery, you'd be popping champagne bottles to celebrate the website problems, not bitching.

— Alaina Grey (@alainagrey) October 20, 2013

I'll explain it again. Holocaust:Millions of innocent Jews were gassed. #Obamacare: millions of poor Americans get healthcare. Not the same.

— John (@linnyitssn) October 20, 2013

RT @BreakingNews: Facebook users report being unable to update their statuses || obviously means Facebook is a failure

— Fleet Admiral Josh (@fleetadmiralj) October 21, 2013

If http://t.co/RrgcdhOizy had invaded the wrong country, Republicans would be more understanding.

— LOLGOP (@LOLGOP) October 21, 2013

@KennettDems Facebook is having problems today. Unacceptable. I want hearings. I want action. The solution is to #FireZuckerberg, right?

— Spunkier than (@TeSalutamus) October 21, 2013

#TDSBreakingNews Report: U.S. intercepts French phones on "massive scale". Still has no clue how they eat that much bread and stay so thin.

— The Daily Show (@TheDailyShow) October 21, 2013

my macbook air just froze. is chuck todd or jonathan karl available to troubleshoot it? #idiots

— Maria Lia Calvo (@MariaLiaCalvo) October 21, 2013

Interrogatories

Married or former marrieds among you: What kind of wedding did you have? Big or small? Religious or civil? Who did the planning?

It’s Reptile Awareness Day. What reptiles do you need to be aware of (the Lizard People, maybe?), and are you afraid of them?

Are you currently boycotting anything? What?

Do you drink tea at all? What kinds? What’s your favorite?

The Twitter Emitter

The argument within the GOP is that one faction is crazy and the other isn't crazy enough.

— Barracks O'Bama (@P0TUS) October 20, 2013

My favorite Bible story is when Jesus tells GOPs to ignore all his teachings abt helping the poor when in a voting booth.

— John Fugelsang (@JohnFugelsang) October 20, 2013

If Banksy's art increases property values is it really considered vandalism?

— Political Line (@PoliticaILine) October 20, 2013

"Tea Party: Only people who believe exactly what we believe deserve to be called real Americans" http://t.co/SP0zWNpFYk

— GottaLaff (@GottaLaff) October 20, 2013

My sources say Apple's big announcement this year is that they're getting out of the tablet and phone game to focus on cat toys.

— Crutnacker (@Crutnacker) October 20, 2013

Before Obamacare, insurance companies only cancelled your policy for a really good reason — like you got cancer, or something.

— LOLGOP (@LOLGOP) October 20, 2013

Instead of deporting income generating undocumented immigrants, we should have deported Ted Cruz- AND SAVED $24 BILLION DOLLARS

— Lalo Alcaraz (@laloalcaraz) October 20, 2013

I am enjoying the Republican Hunger Games.

— Joshua Malina (@JoshMalina) October 20, 2013

Civil war erupts in GOP between those who want to carry a Confederate flag and those who want to carry a Confederate flag in each hand

— The Daily Edge (@TheDailyEdge) October 20, 2013

Interrogatories

Did you ever have a transistor radio? If not, what forms of portable music have you had?

If you have an iPod or other digital music player, how many songs are on it?

What’s your favorite kind of cake/frosting?

Has there ever been a product you liked so much you’d do a commercial for it?

Have you ever bought anything because you saw a commercial for it?

The Twitter Emitter

The brave insurance conglomerates ascended Bunker Hill only to be beaten back by vicious truncheons of people with pre-existing conditions.

— kara vallow (@teenagesleuth) October 17, 2013

Now is a good time for Republicans to get back in the good graces of the public by holding expensive and time-consuming hearings on Benghazi

— TBogg (@tbogg) October 17, 2013

Don't blame John Boehner. He was in an impossible situation. An impossible situation created by John Boehner.

— William K. Wolfrum (@Wolfrum) October 17, 2013

I wonder how much health care the $24 billion repubs spent to try to shutdown Obamacare wld have provided?

— Tina (@trcfwtt) October 17, 2013

Maybe the GOP and the teacrackers are planning on wasting the money ACA is saving the economy?

— GStuedler (@GStuedler) October 17, 2013

I bet if you captioned net worth on cable news for each guest and anchor we'd see that cable news is actually "rich people talking".

— Matt Stoller (@matthewstoller) October 17, 2013

THIRTEEN "Benghazi's" Happened Under GWB And @FoxNews had ZERO negative stories to air about them.

— Tom Wellborn (@TLW3) October 17, 2013

A govt based on Christian values would care for the poor & let private charity bail out wall st & pay for oil subsidies. @BUCKEYEinstein

— John Fugelsang (@JohnFugelsang) October 17, 2013

Homophobia is a lifestyle choice.

— God (@TheTweetOfGod) October 17, 2013

The difference between Ted Cruz and http://t.co/RrgcdhOizy is you can fix http://t.co/RrgcdhOizy. http://t.co/6IZdLu4xG8

— LOLGOP (@LOLGOP) October 18, 2013

Obama criticized "bloggers, talking heads on radio who profit from conflict", and every blogger agreed he was talking about OTHER bloggers.

— Top Conservative Cat (@TeaPartyCat) October 18, 2013

Interrogatories

Who is the stupidest Republican in the House? In the Senate?

Where do you do your banking, bank or credit union?

What is your favorite pasta dish? Do you fix it yourself, or is it from a restaurant?

What’s the oldest piece of electronic equipment that you own?

The Twitter Emitter

If flying a confederate flag in front of the white house is not racist, why didn't they do that for Clinton or Carter?

— A. Deno Vir MD PhD (@Adenovir) October 14, 2013

Also, it'd be cool if one day the bootstrap people realized that sometimes shit happens and your own bootstraps aren't enough.

— Becky (@MakeHerWay) October 16, 2013

Things the GOP got from this shutdown: Ted Cruz 24% approval rating A dude with the Confederate flag

— CJ Werleman (@cjwerleman) October 16, 2013

Revenge is a dish best not served at all.

— Gautam Trivedi (@Gotham3) October 16, 2013

Why not suggest women avoid the company of men entirely? Logical conclusion of blame-the-victim thinking.

— Ethan Peretz (@MperiousRex) October 16, 2013

Good news! You need a background check for Obamacare but you're still good to buy assault weapons with no questions asked #p2 #tcot

— RagingTeabagger (@RagingTeabagger) October 16, 2013

Just because the GOP has come out of this #shutdown less popular than hemorrhoids doesn't mean they've given up being a pain in the ass.

— Secretary of Sax (@blackorpheus251) October 16, 2013

Obama should avoid doing things to antagonize House Republicans, like existing or holding different political views

— AdamSerwer (@AdamSerwer) October 17, 2013

@BarackObama looks younger tonight than he has in months. Nothing like driving your enemies before you to refresh the spirit!

— blue aardvark (@AardvarkBlue) October 17, 2013

Impressive: @corybooker has already fixed the shutdown.

— Ethan Peretz (@MperiousRex) October 17, 2013

Donald Trump: "Hello, Cory Booker? …No, I didn't call to congratulate you. I need to see your birth certificate, because, well, you know."

— Top Conservative Cat (@TeaPartyCat) October 17, 2013