I am desolate.
I’ve been trying for the last few days to put out something anything about the Trayvon Martin case, but I couldn’t get past my 5 MFer rule. That means no publish if I use 5 MFers in a paragraph.
I hope I can someday speak of going forward, but unfortunately today is not that day.
I just kicked this out in the last half an hour, and since it didn’t have any MRers in it, I thought I’d share.
A couple of months ago I had to fire my doctor. To be honest it wasn’t the doctor he struck me as a compassionate person, and I and my family liked going to him. However when I went to my last appointment the receptionist threw me out of their office because she feared violence from me.
I had set a rather normal appointment to have my blood drawn for my annual fasting blood sugar. Black folks and the sugar is a real issue you know. The night before I also had a real problem with my tooth and my face looked like Popeye and I was in pain going to the dentist after I had my draw.
When I got there the receptionist told me she had forgotten the nurse who did the work had unexpectedly left 2 weeks before and she had neglected to call any patients. I most calmly as a person who hadn’t eaten for 16 hours and had a blinding toothache asked why was I in her office at 7 a.m. and what was I supposed to do?
Rather than getting an answer I was profiled. I had every right to be angry just like Trayvon Martin had every right to walk home from the store, I had every right to demand apologia and good customer service, and although I did, it was in no way angry. Yet the receptionist an older Latina lady who if she didn’t speak and expose her accent would be considered White found me a threat and asked me to leave.
I had to fire my doctor. There is no way I would submit myself for care to people who would fear a 50 year old grandfather, and never even consider me like a patient. The receptionist never even asked me how I was doing so I could have said crappy.
Today I think I might have to fire my country. Today I have come to the inescapable conclusion that a black child who is murdered may not be treated as a victim. I live in a country where a party can elect people and consider them Presidential candidates that hire unabashed neo confederates, and their sons who freely adopt the persona of N1ggerkiller not be considered a racist.
I live in a country where we as Black people have been cowed from even naming the phenomenon RACISM that oppresses us, and even in liberal environs it is more damaging to accuse anyone or anything of racism than racism itself.
I had to fire my doctor. I didn’t even tell him personally why. I had a conversation with the office manager where she told me she had spoken to the receptionists co-workers and I was indeed scary, and after that I wasn’t interested in continuing any relationship with the doctor, so I found another one.
Now I’m wondering if I should start looking for another country.