Motley Moose – Archive

This brought back memories for me, and I still use the original “I’m Just a Bill” to teach my students about how a bill becomes a law.

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(lyrics posted below)

Suck it radical right and your war against women. A classic re-imagined for the Texas Legislature 2013 Special Session:

I’m a bad bill

I’m a really bad bill

And I’m comin’ after more than your pill

Well it’s from Texas to Ohio

And in North Carolina

It’s a war on women

And a battle for vagina

Sharia isn’t too far away

You better hope and pray that I will

Stay right here as nothing more than a bill

Boy: Gee bill, you sure could be a pain in the uterus for women.

Bill: Well you got that right. Pain in the uterus, ovaries. Hell, when I started, I wasn’t even a bill, I was just a bad idea. But some folks think it’s the 1950s all up in here. If they had their way it’d be the 1850s! They like to call that the good old days. With women barefoot, pregnant, no vote… you know, baby vessels. The way god intended!

I’m a bad bill

I’m a really bad bill

Owning your uterus just gives ’em a thrill

Well now they’ll tell ya how to use it

For how long and how many

They’ll be in charge of your vagina and you know there won’t be any

Decisions that belong to you

Well some hope and pray that they will

Limit rights and instill their god’s will

Boy: Listen to those legislators arguing! Is all that discussion and debate about you?

Bill: If you could even call it a debate. Let me give you the short version, kid: ladies, keep your legs and your mouth shut. They sure as shit aren’t listening to women on this one.

Boy: Women?

Bill: Yeah, women. You know, people. With rights. Whoa! They’re railroading this thing! Now I go to the House of Representatives, and they vote on me.

Boy: If they vote yes, what happens?

Bill: Then we’re one step closer to theocracy.

Boy: Oh no!

Bill: Oh yes!

I’m a bad bill

I’m a really bad bill

And if they vote for me I think I’ll be ill

Well, then I’m off to Rick Perry

You know he wants to sign

I’m red meat for the base

Oops! he must have lost his mind

If he signs me, then I’ll be a law

How I hope and pray Wendy will

Stand up tall so I stay just a bill

Boy: You mean if Wendy Davis filibusters again we can keep you from becoming a law?

Bill: Not likely. And don’t count on a veto. You see right-wing politicians everywhere are coming up with new ways to wage a war on women. This could go to the U.S. Congress and even back to the Supreme Court. I thought we worked this shit out years ago!

That’s why I explain that I will

Be a pain I am still a bad bill

Congressman: He signed you, Bill! Now you’re a law!

Bill: Oh no!