Motley Moose – Archive

Since 2008 – Progress Through Politics

Kosability: Will I Ever Feel Well?

(This is my Kosability Diary from the DK this evening)

The problem with C.O.P.D. in the form of severe asthma and chronic bronchitis is that it is well chronic. Chronic refers to something that continues or persists over an extended period of time. I have had a respiratory infection that started in August when I was up in Indiana cleaning my parent’s house. I am still running a fever off and on and am constantly congested. Not having any health care until the beginning on March has prevented me from seeing a doctor.

KosAbility is a community diary series posted at 5 PM ET every Sunday and Wednesday by volunteer diarists. This is a gathering place for people who are living with disabilities, who love someone with a disability, or who want to know more about the issues surrounding this topic. There are two parts to each diary. First, a volunteer diarist will offer their specific knowledge and insight about a topic they know intimately. Then, readers are invited to comment on what they’ve read and/or ask general questions about disabilities, share something they’ve learned, tell bad jokes, post photos, or rage about the unfairness of their situation. Our only rule is to be kind; trolls will be spayed or neutered.

One of the biggest problems with a chronic illness such as C.O.P.D. is the fact that it is always present. You never feel completely well. Some days will be better then others but even on good days your energy is at a lower level then when you were well. I have battled C.O.P.D. and the constant respiratory infections since 1997. That is a long time not to feel good.

The hardest part for me is adjusting to the fact that I don’t have the energy I once did. I ask my younger cat Pixie to lend me some of her energy but she won’t do it. I think back to the days when I could go all day. I use to ski and thought nothing of taking the chair lift over and over again all day long to the top of the mountain and skiing down. I use to run. Now I walk slowly.

I try and distract myself in order to forget the illness. I can lose myself in artwork for hours. I can sit down and write. I read voraciously. I watch movies since there is little on television that interests me or that I can get without expensive cable. I cook and develop new recipes. I’m on-line with friends.

I wish I could feel well again but am doing what I can to cope with the constant illness. I try to remind myself that a positive mental attitude is my best friend. In a month I’ll have Medicare and I can see a doctor and hopefully knock this current infection off. I know it will come back but a respite is okay. You learn to appreciate the days when you feel just okay.


  1. mapamp

    You still take care of all those around you while fighting persistent illness.

    In the time I have known you, you have accomplished so much and been sick off and on throughout.

    You are an inspiration to me. When I begin to feel sorry for myself and then see your artwork, I remind myself that there are still things I can do.

    February will move fast. Hang in there!

  2. ilovecheese

    I have a few respiratory issues and have a fear of developing COPD. I have to remember to enjoy the abilities I have now, before they are gone.

  3. nchristine

    month before seeking medical help for something that has already been going on for months, all because of the money charged by the medical industry.

    I live in fear of having some type of accident for the very same reason, I have no medical insurance.  The medical industry has multiple tiers of how they charge patients.  If you have no insurance, then you are charged through the nose for treatment and if you do, they accept whatever contractural agreed amount with a generally small co-pay from the patient and call it good.  The uninsured are subsidizing the insured in reality….

  4. justme

    Mid-December, I was literally knocked flat by the flu. I was scary sick for a day or so, and then, when I began to feel better, I couldn’t breathe the air outside. I would walk out the door and my lungs would immediately seize up. Three days of that, and several more weeks of coughing, not having energy because my lungs just weren’t being very efficient, etc.

    It’s taken another month for me to regain any energy at all, in part due to continuing respiratory issues. I’ve been sleeping 12-14 hours a day on weekends and unable to walk the hound or clean the house or,really, anything at all.

    I finally began cleaning the house this weekend and yesterday took the poor hound for her first real walk in weeks.

    Honestly, I’ve been telling myself I need to thank the Creators, the stars, the moons and all of the planets every morning from now on for the ability to breathe and do things.

    Awful awful. I am so, so sorry you’re dealing with this. Take care of yourself!

  5. Always look to a brighter day when things are hard. They come, often when you don’t expect them.

    But keep at your doctors, and research your disease. Times change, and you are your own best physician.

    One of my dearest friends developed Chronic Myelogenous Leukemia ten and a half years ago. Were it eleven years ago, we would have lost him. Had we both not been who we were and attacked the information stack we would have lost him.

    But there was a new drug – Gleevec – just barely out of clinical trials. It is a “cure”.

    His doctors knew nothing about it, we had to provide them information and contacts.

    When he asks his doctor now about his chances of survival he says: “We don’t know, you are the example.” He is healthy as a horse, the cancer only rarely showing just barely below the level of detection.

    Every day and every year more is known. Most doctors you talk to will not know what the latest developments are. They can’t keep up themselves.

    Maybe, if you choose, post your details. Moose might be able to dig up things for you.

    Find happiness today. Don’t worry too much. :~)

  6. postmodernista

    both here and there…it is a shame that it coincided with the superbowl to the degree that it reduced the traffic. Nevertheless, the narrative of your experience is important and shared by so many people. I hope we can revisit your diary in the future.

  7. Portlaw

    of real health care which will help you. Sorry you have to wait so long. Am amazed that you have written and painted all these wondrous things while being sick. Thinking of you and sending best wishes

Comments are closed.