This evening I finally opened my laptop. When I saw Denise’s thank you diary I started to make a comment, then realized I had enough I wanted to say that it was probably too much to post there. I didn’t want to throw an important community diary off topic.
Since Sunday I’ve stayed under the radar. . Bottom line, I am battling severe depression. Not sure if it’s side effects from all the drugs given to me when I was sick and on the ventilator for four days, or if it’s issues going on in my life right now, maybe both.
Even doing the “I have much to be grateful for” thing several times a day hasn’t helped much.
Thing is, I do have a lot to be grateful for. On the other side of the coin there’s some major emotional life stress going on long term.
For eleven months I’ve had a trip to Miami planned for this week. I’ve been in such a funk that it took some people IRL to convince me to go. Snow and record breaking low temps in IA helped, too.
So I’m here. And it’s warm. Yes, I am grateful, and those loving people who made sure I got on that plane are now jealous as hell. They’re freezing their asses off back there and I’m eating sushi outdoors on a patio this evening.
About a week ago I attempted to start a late night diary series here. I need to apologize for not following through, just disappearing.
Due to real life situations lately, and also very hurtful things that I experienced at GOS, I suddenly felt vulnerable posting somewhere new. Vulnerability kicks off fear for me at times, when I don’t handle fear well I tend to disappear. That bit of neurosis, along with the spiraling depression, sent me back into my shell.
The point to all this rambling is that I am very glad the Moose-a-thon was pointed out to me. I am very grateful for this place and those in it I’ve known of some time, and for those folks I’m getting to know.