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Since 2008 – Progress Through Politics

Let's get uncomfortable

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This was originally posted in Orange.

I got the idea for this diary from Denise’s diary over on GOS Silence is still deadly. Denise’s sig line is


“If you’re in a coalition and you’re comfortable, you know it’s not a broad enough coalition” Bernice Johnson Reagon

Let’s get uncomfortable, shall we?

Let’s make a big coalition.

Remember ACT UP?

Actually, you don’t need to remember them, they’re still around; you can find them online.

Silence does equal death.

But what if we ALL Act Up?

Not just regarding AIDS, and certainly not just people who HAVE AIDS or HIV; not even just their friends and lovers and relatives.

Of course, we are ALL related to people with AIDS. Just a question of how closely related. And even if it isn’t very closely (and how would you know? Do you know the HIV status of all your second cousins? At age 50 I discovered some second cousins I didn’t know I had.  Those are my great grand parents great grand children. That’s pretty close).  But everyone is related to everyone. But, as I said, even if we aren’t that closely related, we should be concerned. If you’re only interested in the health and welfare of your closest relatives …. well…..

But it’s bigger.

Let’s make a big coalition.

You know. With all sorts of people in it. All the people who make OTHER people feel uncomfortable, bad or icky. They might even make some of US feel uncomfortable, bad or icky.  Heck, some people make ME feel that way.

But they don’t make me feel like they are sub-human or unworthy of care.

I, personally, feel uncomfortable watching some public acts of affection (between two men, two women or one of each).

That’s my hangup, not theirs. And it’s OK. Everyone’s got some hangups.

One of the groomsmen (Ellen) at my wedding was a lesbian; I found out, years later, that one of the maids of honor told Ellen not to hold her hand. Oy. That’s not OK. That’s letting her hangup hurt someone else. Not OK at all.

So, let’s get uncomfortable.

When I see people with tons of body piercings, it makes me uncomfortable. Dunno why. Just seems weird to me. But that’s OK. That’s my hangup. Not theirs. Everyone’s got hangups.

But some people let their hangups hang others. That’s not OK.

Me? I’m a learning disabled atheist with glasses who likes to eat all sorts of food. Each of those traits makes some people uncomfortable.  (Food? Yes, some people feel uncomfortable with people eating jellyfish, for instance).

I’m a geeky nerdy guy who likes to spend a lot of time alone. Those traits make some people make uncomfortable too.

Let’s get uncomfortable.

Remember “Revenge of the Nerds”? It wasn’t a gem of film making, but it had one good line:

There’s a lot more of us than there are of them

Add up all the people who make someone else uncomfortable. There’s a lot of us. There’s a lot more of us than there are of them.

Let’s get uncomfortable.

Let’s make a big coalition.

Let’s Act Up.

Together.

Because silence = death. For all of us.

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Categories: Uncategorized.

/ 88 Comments

88 comments

  1. Peter Jukes

    …and BTW I’ve always loved Denise’s sig, and this is just the best diary topic ever.

    1. Australians – sorry Rupert

    2. Harry Potter and Dr Who – sorry world

    3. Barbecues – see 1 above

    5. Innumeracy

    5a. Smart ass limeys

    6. Leftists who use liberal values to bully other people

    7. Cat rescuers

    7a. Cat rescuers who’ve failed to join the Moose

    8. Wurzels. These are evil faux Woozles. And had their own spelling mistake/pop band in the UK for years

    9. Numbered lists

    Unnumbered lists

    10. Decimalists who always think in tens. Why not in 12s, like the Babylonians?

  2. cassandracarolina

    and asking pointed questions. I have high expectations for total honesty in my friendships. I don’t tolerate bullsh*t. I believe that marriage and friendship demand that we all push one another to get outside our comfort zones and become better people. Every day.

    When I met my husband, I told him “I’m not here to shelter you from the storm. I am the storm.”

    Maybe I should use that as my new sig line 😉  

  3. dear occupant

    i’m really comfortable around kids and i’m really comfortable around old folks. i guess it’s all the folks inbetween. especially those with exceptionally uber bad hygiene, they get a dirty look. ;-[

    other than that, i’m ok. right?

  4. LabWitch

    halliburton case with autopsy tools in it, set it on a table, open it, and ask, “okay, where’s the dead guy you called about?”

  5. LabWitch

    comes to the door and i deign to answer it i usually carry a bone saw in one hand and caress it lovingly as soon as they start their spiel.  not many come to my door anymore.

  6. fogiv

    i’ll post part of a comment i made here about something else:

    …about a year ago, a colleague and I had some fieldwork out near some backwater town in a relatively remote part of central California. at the end of a long hot day, we stopped off at a mini-mart/gas station thing to grab something fresh/cool to drink on the drive back to HQ.  anyway, my colleague is fueling up out rig, and I head in for a couple of icy fountain drinks. anyway, there’s a youngish (maybe mid 20s) white dude behind the register, and an older lady milling about the counter. There’s nobody else in the place. I locate the soda contraption and start filling the cups with ice and soft drinks when I sense someone looking at me. Scanning over, I see the woman (prolly in her late 50s/early 60s?) eyeballing me rather intensely, and notice that the young guy is saying something to her under her breath, and he looks uncomfortable. Takes about 3 seconds for me to piece together that she’s likely the establishent’s owner, and he’s an employee (maybe her grandson or something). Anyway, I take the drinks up the the counter, set them down, and say that “I’m going to grab a snack or something too”. As I approached, the lady is just looking me up and down, with this really sour face on, and I’m thinking that maybe I’ve wandered into the middle of some unpleasant conversation they were having or something….I dunno, whatever, right?

    Anyway, I start walking down the few aisles hunting for a Cliff Bar or what-have-you, and the woman is tailing me — and I mean right on my ass. All with this ‘look’ on her face. I’m thinking, what the hell? The store is really small, and you could easily see and watch anyone from anywhere inside. It dawns on me that she probably thinks I’m going to steal something. Like I’m a shoplifter or whatever. So yeah, I’m now officially offended.

    So I turn to her, and say, “Excuse me, is there something you need from me?” She’s still sporting the sour puss, but it’s now glazed over with a touch of fear. Her lip was actually trembling. She does not make eye contact with me, but I can see her eyes tracing the tatoos along my arms–up down, up, down, up down. It’s the tats, right? I must be a criminal. A low-life. Not to be trusted because of my appearance. So yeah, I’m now officially pissed off. Flustered somewhat, I abandon the snack idea and brush past her toward the counter to pay for the damned drinks. As I do, the look on the young clerk’s face expresses clear discomfort, but nothing like hers. His was obviously reflecting shame and embarrassment, and some relief as I greeted him cordially and bounced before I made a scene of confronting this lady.

    By the time I get back in the rig, I’m steaming mad. How dare she judge me? For what? My appearance? I’m ranting about it to my coworker, who’s gallantly trying to calm me down with a light-hearted joke:

    Maybe she didn’t like the color scheme?

    …and right then, it hits me like the proverbial ton of bricks. This hag judged me on the colors of my skin. A little reminder of my white priveledge. What I had just felt was 0.000000000000000000000012% of what people of color feel in this country EVERY SINGLE DAY OF THEIR LIVES. I’m a fucking grown man. Imagine how that kind of treatment would feel if you’re a 12 year old hispanic boy, or a Sikh, or a 7 year old black girl?

    http://www.motleymoose.com/sho…

  8. nannyboz

    choir singin’ Methodist.  I’m struggling with it, so much of it is a judgmental business and a money makin’ enterprise.  If I ever figure out my feelings to where I’m comfortable I’ll be really glad.  It also makes me uncomfortable that I’m not really working that hard at it.

  9. DeniseVelez

    with friends who have small children who don’t know how to behave when they are brought to visit.

    I’m uncomfortable with vegans who insist on lecturing me, and making faces while I cook pork chops.

  10. freedapeople

    racists and anti-semites. Also around armed tea-party types.

    Most other people don’t faze me. I’ve done a lot of canvassing, lived in foreign countries, etc. Not a lot makes me uncomfortable.

  11. LabWitch

    i’ve been known to sit them down and scare the beejeezus out of them by telling them that i could, if i liked, remove their brains and no one would ever know.  okay, i haven’t done that exactly, but, in my dotage i now will!

  13. LeftOverFlowerChild

    people who gossip. I hate that. I don’t like to talk about other people or their issues unless it’s an open conversation from the get go. I have learned how to change the subject and when I can’t do that..I throw in a lot of “oh my”, “goodness I’m sorry to hear that”…until the would be gossip monger gets bored and moves along. I’d love throw down some righteous indignation, but that would only cause more drama in the long run. Eh, small towns. :o/

    I’m not comfortable around people who casually use racial smears or attach “tard” to various words. I’m not comfortable with religious folks who think it’s their mission in life to get me Christ, in their church, on their terms–even when I tell them I have a church home I’m happy with thank you very much.

    I make people uncomfortable because I am totally inept at convening sympathy or support without coming off as insincere. I try hard to find the right words, but I suck at it end of story.

    I was told once I creeped out a lady at a baby shower because I didn’t say much and was content to just watch and listen. I’m actually very shy and soft spoken. Which is weird given I have no problem getting up in front of a room full of people and talking about disability rights and issues–but in simple social settings, I’m a wallflower extraordinaire and some folks find it a little unnerving.  

  14. Avilyn

    I used to make people uncomfortable over my spiritual path, when I identified as Pagan.  The site of a pentacle can apparently inspire terror in some people.

    I love country music.  Lots of people can’t stand it.  But it has such a great story-telling aspect.  (I also like classical, metal, rock, folk, and oldies).

    It would probably make people uncomfortable if they knew I was Bi, but since I’m in a hetero marriage and I’m mostly in the closet, it hasn’t been an issue.

    As far as making me uncomfortable, aside from kids/young adults and pregnant women (as mentioned in my comment above), real guns make me VERY uncomfortable.  Bigoted “jokes” of any sort make me uncomfortable.  Friends fighting with friends makes me uncomfortable.  Cities and large crowds of people make me uncomfortable (almost had a full blown panic attack the first time I went to Times Square). Hmm.  There was something else I thought about mentioning, but I can’t think of it now.   Oh well.

  15. Chris Blask

    My favorite question when interviewing potential hirees is:

    “When people are looking for security solutions, what is their primary goal?”

    There is a one-word answer: “Comfort”. Some folks get this exactly right, others try to impress me with their knowledge.

    Rather than shocking into discomfort I prefer helping people grow their comfort margins. When they are frightened they tend to act rashly, and that isn’t productive. For better or worse it is my role in life to try to bring people down from their jangling and help them find a way to become comfortable.

    When I want to get people to move, I try to incrementally help them expand their comfort zones. Connect dots that they can feel comfortable with, until they find that they have enclosed an area they may have thought they could not be comfortable with.

    When people get too uncomfortable they retreat, slamming doors and drowning out the scary sounds outside. Too often we try to move people by shocking them (“if they heard THIS, that would shake them up!!”).

    As Terry Pratchett says:

    It was a puzzle why things were always dragged kicking and screaming. No one ever seemed to want to, for example, lead them gently by the hand.

  16. cassandracarolina

    Those folks who say and do egregious things that evoke reactions of shock, after which they assure me that they were “just kidding”. As far as I’m concerned, they’re testing my limits, and I am glad to help them find them, pronto.

  17. raina

    when I don’t ask questions. I could be talking to my doctor, an employer, whatever, and after they explain something, then  ask if I have any questions and I say no, they look at me askance, and say you sure? Yes, I’m sure, mentally thinking that if I had questions, I would ask away. Eyeroll.  

  18. canadian gal

    One of my biggest phobias is footed pyjamas. Not all though sizes though. Anything larger than for a two year old gives me the heebiejeebies. Weird i know. Another pet peeve is arrogance. Such a turn off. I’m also slightly prudish. Well, more private 😉  

    Politics, institutionalized racism, sexism, actually any ism.

  19. Kysen

    I am a ‘people person’…and tend to read folks pretty well. I am comfortable in other cultures, unknown territories, and in places that make many others uncomfortable.

    What causes me discomfort more often than not…is irrational/illogical persons. People who do not react to a given situation in a predictable manner (and that is with me taking into account a ‘range of normal unpredictable behavior’). Illogical reactions/actions/thoughts/beliefs throw me off balance. Again, I am not talking about run of the mill ‘unpredictable’, I am talking ‘not normal human response’ unpredictable.

    Sadly, my experience has been that is mostly the untreated mentally ill. I lived on and off the streets for many years so I have encountered many ‘lost souls’. I am a hyper-aware individual so when people are ‘off’ it puts me on edge.

    Dunno if that makes sense or not. It is kind of ironic, though, because ‘I’ am pretty unpredictable by nature (but, within the realm of ‘normal human response’…usually../grin).

    OH!

    And Furries!

    Those people make me hella uncomfortable.

    (though, the argument could be made that they fall into my Primary cause of discomfort)

    /grin

  20. mahakali overdrive

    obvious pick-up attempts. God! Oh God! I’ve suffered a lot of these in my life, and I can earnestly say that not one has ever worked. Not once. I don’t care if you have a face like Valentino; any statement functioning as a pick-up line will not have any desired impact whatsoever.

    Fortunately, I’ve been married for a while now.

    But sincerely, I will talk to anyone. I will initiate conversation if I’m interested. If I’m truly interested, I would say, “You seem fascinating. Are you busy?” I’m blunt. Not coarse. Just blunt. Why sugar-coat this?

    The pick-up line is reserved for narcissistic cowards who fear rejection and instead of saying, “I really like you,” or whatever, say some god-awful thing like, “You have the prettiest eyes.” Oh that’s not passive aggressive! My response would be, “Did you notice one was a bit wonky?” and I’d toss the earnest lad’s number.

    One can be both direct without being an utter dolt about it.

    Also, my favorite pick-ups are the ones which make no attempts at all to do so and simply result in something lovely and real, like a walk along dewy railway tracks sipping bourbon.

    Pick-up lines, even the most finely crafted ones, will earnestly kill any chance of ever being with even the most attractive creature on earth. Everyone who uses pick up lines winds up sounding like Tony Manero from Saturday Night Fever to me, period. Instant… gag reflex.

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