Former CNN denture rattler Lou Dobbs is considering a run for the Presidency, according to GQ’s Jeanne Marie Laskas. I know what you’re thinking. We’re talking about his white hot desire to park his flat, pimply ass in the in big chair at the I Hate Messicans Club, right? No, he means the Presidency of the United States.
Dobbs, a professional xenophobe who likes to fancy himself an ‘independent populist’ out to protect the American working man (namely from brown people and cotton pickin’ blacks like Condi Rice and Barack Obama) wants to be the leader of the free world. Maybe it’s ‘just a nit’, but Mississippi Governor Haley Barbour isn’t likely to be a running mate, since he’s eyeing the same prize himself. Maybe spelling/literacy expert Tom Tancredo meets muster, but damn it, where’s David Duke when you need him?
Here’s the money:
Laskas, who spent several days with Dobbs and found herself acting in various capacities – “wife…mother, campaign manager, shrink, cohort, brat” – got Dobbs to say he is considering a run and that his wife is growing more and more OK with the idea.
“I never said I’m running for president,” Dobbs said, adding that he never said he isn’t either. “I’m not ruling anything out. I don’t know what I’m going to do.”
“You’re considering it,” Laskas said.
“I am,” he said, adding that his wife Debi is “probably more open to considering it than she’s ever been.”
“Oh, my God, you’re running for president,” Laskas said in response.
Sure, his wife is supportive. Maybe she figures she may as well let his head swell, since his other parts won’t. Beats me.
Spawned in the Great State of Texas (MOTTO: Friendship, Except When Betrayed, or Approached by Strangers), The Dobbster is the son of Frank Dobbs, a successful peddler of propane and propane accessories. I shit you not.
Anyhoo, Dobbs made his bones as a economics/financial mouthpiece at CNN before launching his anti-immigration tirades with that Broken Borders bullshit, wherein he bravely warned all us tight white folk about the threat of Mexican leprosy using numbers so real, so raw, that the CDC labelled his report fictitious and irresponsible. Meh, the CDC can’t handle the truth. But hey, why expect less from the guy who saved us from the Mexi-Canuck Highway of Doom and happily hitched his wagon to the Orly Taitz Birther comet.
Dobbs is all about cultural diversity. Well, hating it anyway. Here, the scrunching of his Friut-of-the-Loom’s is nearly audible beneath his principled stance against ethnic holidays like St. Patrick’s Day and something called ‘St. Jing-Tao-Wow’. I guess that’s what bigots call Chinese New Year.
Yeah, we need an ‘America Day’. We don’t have any unique national ‘Murican holidays, like fucking Independence Day! Or Washington’s Birthday. Or Memorial Day. Or Veteran’s Day. Or Thanksgiving. Or Labor Day. Whatever, say what you will about Lou the Pooh, at least he’s got an open mind:
Still, Dobbs is hardly immune to the lure of the weird. Last September, he offered up Idaho meteorologist Scott Stevens as a guest on his show. Stevens had just left an Idaho television news program immediately after telling viewers of a bizarre theory that Hurricane Katrina was caused by unknown evildoers. “Terrorists were engaging in a type of eco-terrorism where they could alter the climate, set off earthquakes and volcanoes,” he told Dobbs. Stevens said they were using “scalar waves,” invented by the Japanese, to attack America with Category 5 storms.
“Intriguing assertion,” Dobbs concluded at the end of the interview.
Sounds like a winner, Lou. Run with it. Seriously, Dobbs’ brand of race-based queasiness is flat out xenophobia, but in heavy enough doses, amplified though the validating power of the boob-tube, it’s becomes a rather dangerous sort of national pride. I was happy as a corn tortilla to see Dobbs leave CNN, because lets face it, we’ve got enough of this Teabonics shit floating around in our pool already. Unfortunately, he’s still spewing about in the wasteland of talk radio, where everything goes. So he goes on, hating and hating and hating ‘aliens’ of all manner. Bad news Lou, I’m an ‘alien’ too.
That’s right, I illegally immigrated from Zoltek Six (of the Far Snark System) and as far as I’m concerned, you’ll never be POTUS, or a Senator from New Jersey, or even an elected dog catcher. In fact, I wouldn’t let you run the mop at a Tijuana donkey show. Come and get me, Dickface. Or better, have an enchilada and shut the fuck up.
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