Motley Moose – Archive

Since 2008 – Progress Through Politics

Lounge: Save the World and Recycle Some Old Flames

Hot on the heels of two excellent Flashbackgate diaries by Sricki on the Primary Wars, I thought that, in the spirit of sustainability, I would ask you to try to recall the best putdowns, comebacks and flames of those tumultuous times.

Why in the spirit of sustainability? Given the anger and insults that seem to dominate most of the liberal blogosphere in the last two weeks, a lot of these can and have been recycled. Especially the Kool Aid quips. So join in. Recycle some old flames. Come up with something better. All manner of logical fallacies and advanced banter over the flip…

I’ve been collecting these verbal put downs since  January 2008. They don’t cover all the great visual stuff from our own Spiffy, Rage, Michelle, or the wonderful tubes collected by peeps such as Hollede. Some of these may be yours, if so just say. I also hope they don’t just reflect one side of the Primary contest, and I am mortified that I can’t attribute them all…

Verbal insults are an art. Two of my favourite flamers, when it came to pithy putdowns, were Bob Johnson and That Purple Stuff. Bob Johnson is/was famously truculent and acerbic on MYDD and DailyKos, and one that sticks in mind without referring to notes is:

When you’ve finished lying, let me know.

A good riposte should have the parry and thrust of a good epee. Quick and to the heart. TPS put downs were always more surreal and pythonesque, never nasty, but with a frequent reference to ‘turd sandwiches’. I’m pretty sure this was one of his/hers…

Oh My, isn’t the curl on that turd pretty?

Unfortunately, though some more of the following maybe be attributable to TPS, it’s impossible to go far back enough on TPS’s comment section on MYDD, though the visit is well worthwile.

Disappointingly, all of the following one liners are unsourced. My bad. I never thought I would need to attribute. And my excuse is they’re all part of the zeitgeist! I’m sticking to that, although, truth be told, not knowing where lines came from got me in trouble in May when I repeated an impressive line I’d snared:

It’s the Jerk Store calling, and they’re fresh out of you.

Only to be completely befuddled when a friendly poster made the immediate comeback:

“What’s the difference? You’re their all-time best seller.”

I was offended. I didn’t know what to say. This was from a usually friendly blogger. Why was this person picking on me?

Who knew? Who knew? It was a quotation from Seinfeld Episode The Comeback. My proper response, pace George in that episode, should have been:

“Oh yeah? Well I had sex with your wife!”

But I did get my revenge on a famous but rec listed troll on MYDD when I said, in response to another ‘gate’

The words ‘knee’ and ‘jerk’ come to mind, but not in their expected order

Given my continued ignorance on the varieties of joshing in American popular culture, many of lthe lines below may be repeating the obvious.  If you can tap the source, well, bully for you. If you can add something better, bully for all of us.

(PS: And if someone can remember a brilliant putdown about conspiracy etc put into IF/OR computer code, which I somehow seem to have mislaid, there will be a bonus secret prize.)

I’ll separate these favorite flames into themes. Please add your own.



Future so bright, I’ve got to wear shades.

Obamabots talk almost as if they’d seen their first rocket launch, the first rainbow, the first live birth.

I’m so sad and disillusioned I’m going to have to go stare at my Obama poster for a while to feel better.

Almost plausible, mainly risible

He didn’t spring whole cloth from the forehead of Zeus an Obama supporter, you know

Dude, I nearly swooned – SWOONED, I tell you – when I saw that. That’s one of my fave Jay-Z joints of all time. HUGE SWIRLING VORTEX OF LOVE. I could not pink-fuzzy-heart Barack one iota more.

Enjoy your virginity, kids! It’s going to last you a lifetime. Oh, and I hope World of Warcraft crashes on you.

You’re going to make my dreams come true. Bring me a million pounds and a rainbow. Get rid on the cellulite on my arse

Have we peaked too early?

(Grim humour at a low point)

I hope Obama fires all of those people and then they get bitten by rabid weasels.

I sure do hope the homes of everyone that votes for Obama gets bulldozed and pushed into Mexico where they all belong

Obama is a bastard. I heard he punches babies in the face as he walks down the street.

I thought he was Moses, come to lead us to the promised land! Damn it, now who’s going to get me manna?

If he had agreed to (another) debate, I think I would have cut my hair off with a paring knife.


Experience which now appears to mean “stuck in ruts so deep, you can’t see over the edges.”

First we were a live mouse they played with, then they shook us until we were too stunned to move, then they killed us

Are they trying to blow oxygen on the dying flame of their last hope?

As long as Hillary is playing with her knife collection, she can make Obama bleed.

Because you didn’t win the condo, you’ll torch the neighborhood?

Her campaign seemed to have only two speeds: overconfidence and panic.

Her finger should be on my pulse, but it feels like it’s poking me in the eye.

Is this just something you heard, that Bill heard, that Chelsea overheard in a loud crowded casino?

I have a spasm when I hear the name ‘Clinton.’ For some reason, my hand painfully contorts itself into an L shape and plants itself across my forehead.

If they’re both for real (which I doubt), then one thing’s for sure: they certainly won’t get stuck in heavy traffic, because the rest of the voting public will heading in the opposite direction as fast as they can.

Painting her as the victim of her own candor is taking Impressionism too far.


Nader, who deserves to die in a fiery boating accident, preferably one that I’ve set.

Some things are true even if George Bush believes them.

This is to help Joe (the Plumber) as he worships at the porcelain altar of autobiographical composition.


Carry on like that, and you’re driving me to drink

Now come back to reality, accept this, and move on.

Don’t you feel better already?

We should convert the Kos Diaries into a primal-scream clinic

It’s like head trauma level of crazy over there (at MYDD). I keep expecting some of theM to faint from the lack of oxygen to their brains they’ve been holding their breath and stamping their feet for so long.

In a moment when calm is called for, he sets his hair afire.

You’re two degrees shy of the temperature necessary for self-combustion

You know, it’s like everyone has gone nuts. It’s like everyone has gone crazy. Did they finally dose the water table with LSD?

Did Big Nurse forget your Saturday dose?

Dude, you got to get off that sugar high

The [last poster] is grinding their molars to dust

How’s the weather in Alternate Earth?

Seriously, though, what color is the sky in your world?

If I were to watch the news here in the United States, I’d blow my brains out. It’d drive me nuts.

It’s like King Lear played out in a madhouse with hand puppets.

I’m breaking out my hazmat suit now


I can’t help you man.

(pssst – security…)

Jesus H. Tap-Dancing Christ

To quote the character in Fiddler on the Roof – if that’s a curse then “may the good Lord smite me with it, and may I never recover.”

Silence is golden

Duct Tape is silver

As my grandmother would say, “What do you expect from a pig but a grunt?”

At the end of the day, all he/she had to do was open her mouth for me not to believe him/her

Incorrigible skank-biscuit

My mother use to say never yell, what will you do for an encore?  Yell louder?  Hint Hint Hint

You need to unclench

Great Odin’s Raven!

And Sweet Holy Moses!

“Screw you”

“You can screw me all u want I’ll still be right”


After one pulls their head from their ass, it still smells like their ass for a time.

I’d put your IQ on par with that of a sack full of wet mice.

I’d say it got pulled out of a dark and humid place.

Have your ears heard what your mouth has spoken?

Call 911.  You’ve OD’d on STUPID pills. Again.

Can I get a few crackers with that cheese?

Chalk another person up as completely missing the point. Thanks for posting

Does anything that passes through your ears stop somewhere in the middle to be processed?

You’re so incompetent you couldn’t pour pee out of a boot if I wrote the instructions on the heel

Thoughts like that will get your kittens killed

What you’ve just said is one of the most insanely idiotic things I have ever heard. At no point in your rambling, incoherent response were you even close to anything that could be considered a rational thought. Everyone in this room is now dumber for having listened to it. I award you no points, and may God have mercy on your soul.

Don’t you ever just slump in front of your keyboard and think, “God, I’m just full of shit”?


Ahhh… The pot has arrived to tell us what color all us kettles are!

What is this handbasket? And where am I going in it?

Bottom of Barrel, meet scraper. Scraper, say hello to the bottom of the barrel.

The tea leaves aren’t lying, my friend.

Does it still seem compelling to you when someone else is grasping at your straw

I feel like I’m listening to ten blind men describing the part of the elephant they touched

Life hands you a lemon. Buy a tequila

They’re shooting themselves in the foot…with an uzi.

Time wounds all heels

Sometimes, when you are trapped in a glass house, you have to throw stones coz that’s all you have left if you hope to get out.

You’re so bitter you make tylenol xxxx taste good


(The person who wrote the op-ed) surely holds the proud honor of being the Dean of Sophistry somewhere

It’s always shocking for reasonable folks to catch an ideologue with his pants down: that usually happens when, drunk with grief, he tries to pee on the turkey because he now knows he won’t get to host thanksgiving for the next four years. Grab and towel and mop up the froth

The Hubble Telescope could not find what he has done, because he has not done it.

Don’t mind the trolls, just remember, never feed them more than small biscuits, or they’ll form a cocoon and breed.

I am just not fluent in concerntrollese.  I know a few words and phrases, but I have a long way to go.

Apparently Brandon is the golden child and all his shit gets a pass.

The pundit-tree is laden with idiot fruit.

The sky is blue, it’s cold in Antarctica, the sun rises in the east and sets in the west, O’Reilly is an asshole…etc.


An irony rich diet can be unhealthy

Have you tried taking vitamins for that humor deficiency?

If he comes and reads all the ridicule in these comments he’s going to go apoplectic and lock himself in his basement and listen to Marilyn Manson while he cries and cuts himself.

You’ll laugh about this later

I’m laughing about it now.

I’ve got a package for you

Is it ticking?

Now it has crossed over into psychedelic cranium-crushing funny.


Kristol lies the way other people sweat.

Maybe foresight is an obsolete macrotrend

Keep looking backwards you’ll hit a wall eventually.. 😉

And knowing is half the battle.

(The other half, of course, is violence.)

And you have a time machine to prove this?

Spin like that usually results in loss of altitude and eventual impact with the ground.

Ethics is not the same as optics

If you put a gun to my head and asked me to predict the winner, I would tell you to shoot me.

It’s like advertising your Bran cereal as “asbestos-free”, implying that other cereals in the category might not be.

Man you’re jumping the shark. Again. And the shark is bored

The Soft Bigotry of Low Expectations rears its ugly head.  Try to chew the hype just a little before you start gobbling it down.

Nobody is friends with someone that’s shooting in the dark.


There are so many unsupported assertions here that I lost count of them all

The only way you could be MORE wrong is if there were TWO of you!

That’s a real stretch. But hey. Stretching is good for you.

Forgive me if I take your analysis with a boulder of salt.

Best. Hypocrite Trap. Ever.

If you’re going to bite on two fallacies, they shouldn’t be opposed, buddy.

Prayers of those aboard provide 22% of its structural material.

That don’t make no kink of sense!

That’s way up there on the drivel scale.

You dropped a stink bomb in a crowded room, my friend.  And only YOU can turn on the fan!


“I may have fucked my life up flatter than hammered shit, but I stand here before you today beholden to no human cocksucker.”

From hell’s heart I stab at thee, for hate’s sake, I spit my last breath at thee…

I love trees. But I also know that trees are the enemy. They’ll take over if we let them. They’ll fuck us up. Every weekend I go back to my woodland and cut down a couple of the fuckers. It’s only fair. They were here billions of years before us. They’ll be here when we’re long gone. And they won’t care. Fuck em. Let them fall, let them burn, let them rot. I don’t care either.

I want a president who can one day restore Sept. 11th to its rightful place on the calendar: as the day after Sept. 10th and before Sept. 12th. I do not want it to become a day that defines us. Because ultimately Sept. 11th is about them – the bad guys – not about us. We’re about the Fourth of July.


I feel like I walked into the middle of an argument between a crazy person and a fire hydrant.

Can we have a moratorium on bickering?

I mean loosen up. How much scar tissue do you have?

Can’t we just all be happy and braid each other’s hair for, I don’t know, a day?

Maybe he’s just doing a service and helping to…

Aw, crap. I can’t get through typing that without laughing until milk shoots out of my nose.

Why don’t you just hold your breath

and wait for me to go away? That should solve the problem right there

It feels like your smart ass brother just said something to embarrass your drunk uncle who’s driving a car with you in it — in a snowstorm.  “Just watch the road!” you want to scream, but you don’t want to make things any worse.

Balance means never having to say you’re sorry – because you haven’t said anything

“I think you need to show a little bit of humanity,”

“Oh, come on, being human is overrated.”


I’m running out of silver bullets and garlic

Step outside the echo chamber and you might just see…

Now go away or I shall taunt you a second time


I got out before the shit dried on my shoes.

May called.  It wanted you to know it’s over.  So did June, by the way.

If you can’t say anything nice about someone, at least give ’em a dirty look.

Put your shoes back on. And the smell goes away

You can kiss my arse. On second thoughts, I don’t want a cross infection

Let the losers be, they’re in for the ride of their silly lives.

Wave goodbye with all fingers rather than just one

Bye. Let the door knob hit you, where the good lord split you…lol!

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  1. thanks for putting this list together.  I can now skip past all the other crap wrapped around these gems (references to…pretty much anything really) and focus on the riparte when I am in the mood for it.

    perfect reading for a rainy day, when I am going to be a big pain in everyone’s ass and I want something to read to get my mind right.



  2. i dont have a lot of time now and am having some serious tech issue still – but wanted to give you mad props for this – ill need a while to savour the delicious snark you have put forth.

  3. louisprandtl

    revisit some of the repartees, mostly at DKos…I’ll post some’s me on March 13th last year…now surely you can flame me to pieces on what I wrote here..;)

    Boy, I love this Obama Blog..i see so many Obama (0+ / 0-)

    campaign workers slogging away those all nighters on spreading the news of hope and faith and audacity, nipping those nasty little billary supporters by tipping the jars, hiding comments, recommending each other, proclaiming the lies and racism of hillary.. the days and nights are very busy, typing away before reading..a delegate here, a delegate stupid those Fl, Mi voters can be…how dare couple of million voters (americans) wanted to have their say before the hundreds of Iowans, ..twits if they just split the delegates, then everything would be fine, a superdelegate here, a superdelegate there..we win because we can, because think? nah… I sincerely hope and have faith that you all find good positions in Prez. 44 Obama’s administration. Come November it just maybe another ’68, ’72, ’80, ’84, ’88, ’00, ’04. Oh I forgot those 49% supporting Billary weren’t there anymore..uh oh..we told them to f*** off..hah.. With apologies to Gov. Spitzer we can proudly proclaim,

    ” We look back and think what might have been, alas we ask ourselves not more than what we had asked of is time to go into oblivion..”  

    by louisprandtl on Thu Mar 13, 2008 at 08:17:20 PM PST

  4. fogiv

    A (zionist! zionist! zionist!) slimefest reared up in one of CG’s diaries recently.  In response to this:

    Do you support hiding criticism of Zionism?

    I said:

    Yes, as an atheist from a family of Irish Catholics, I feel Zionist Jews should kill all Muslims with impunity, and eventually rule the globe via the World Bank.  Additionally, I think the Pyramid of Giza was constructed by aliens, and I know for a fact that Elvis Presley works in an upholstery shop four blocks from my house.

    Is that what you want to hear, you crazy bastard?  Will you go away now?  Hurry, “Jew” is contagious.  Wouldn’t want any of that getting on you.

  5. sricki

    I wish I’d thought to keep track of such things. I know I have spent an inordinate amount of time lobbing insults at trolls, but actually the first flame that came to mind when I read this diary was one I directed at Obama last February. There was something especially vitriolic about it, and it has always stuck out in my mind. The maturity level displayed in the following comment is staggering, I’m sure. ; )  It was in response to a diary about Obama’s “present” votes:

    So tough decisions send his bladder into overdrive? If he actually intends to travel around the world, meeting with our enemies and attempting to advance diplomacy, he’ll have a lot of difficult decisions to make.

    Looks like we’d better fit Barry with a catheter.

    by sricki on Fri Feb 22, 2008 at 10:38:23 PM CST

    It occurs to me that a lot of new Mooses who weren’t around for the Primary wars on MyDD might be surprised by that comment. The folks on MyDD are all well familiar with my caustic rhetoric, and the ones who have been around for a while recall that it was initially aimed at Obama more often than not. For you Moose who are unfamiliar with Jan-March 2008 sricki, let me just say that I was an… occasionally overzealous Hillary supporter. I had come round by the end of March, but for a couple of months there, I was one of the rudest, most abrasive HRC backers on the blog. I was not well liked among a lot of the people now count as friends. Here is one of my first “run-ins” with Brit, and one of my first with Rage.

    And I promise I didn’t just sit here all night culling through comments on MyDD. I linked to those in a diary I wrote back in June. Crazy times.

  6. Hollede

    My very first posts on MyDD. I am not proud of some of them.

    Re: FINALLY !!!! (2.00 / 2)

    On Hardball, Howard Fineman (Newsweek) said that Hillary as a (genuine) gripe on the issue of how she has been treated by the MSM.

    The Moose is on the loose. “And I scream at the top of my lungs, what’s going on?”

    by Hollede on Wed Feb 27, 2008 at 07:29:19 PM CDT

    Re: FINALLY !!!! (none / 0)

    Live with Dan Abrams is also pointing out how the Center for Media and Public Affairs, Dec 16 – Jan 27 showed that Hillary had positive stories 51% of the time, while Barack had 84% positive news stories.

    The Moose is on the loose. “And I scream at the top of my lungs, what’s going on?”

    by Hollede on Wed Feb 27, 2008 at 09:24:59 PM CDT

    Re: FINALLY !!!! (2.00 / 2)

    There can be no question that Hillary has been pillaried by the MSM. It has been going on since the 1992 presidential elections and has intensified over the past six weeks.

    I believe that the night of the New Hampshire primary, supporters of Barack Obama joined this effort, and began a sytematic attack on Hillary and Bill Clinton, accusing them of being racist. From that moment on, the Clinton’s could do nothing to counter this claim. From that moment on, all we heard from the MSM was how the Clinton’s were using race to shore up white support and how everything they did was politically calculating. From that moment on, we heard the most foul and denigrating remarks and opinions of the Clinton’s. I cannot tell you how many talking heads were paraded onto countless political “repots” on CNN and MSNBC that accused the Clinton’s of being exceptional, brilliant and remarkable liars.

    I don’t think I need to comment on Barack Obama’s treatment by the press. However, I am concerned that at some point Senator Obama will also become the recipient of the sort of press Hilary Clinton has had to endure for almost two decades.

    Obviously, I am a Clinton supporter, but I can see without some sort of miracle over the next week, Barack Obama will be the Democratic nominee.

    And since I will vote for him in the GE, I hope he is ready for the no holds barred campaign ahead of him and I fervently hope that he is ready for the myriad of monumental problems facing our country over the next eight years.

    A final note of warning. As enthusiastic as Obama supporters are at present, I wonder how people will feel about him when he is exposed as human, with all of the faults and foibles inherent in humanity. As they say, the higher you are, the harder you fall…

    The Moose is on the loose. “And I scream at the top of my lungs, what’s going on?”

    by Hollede on Wed Feb 27, 2008 at 08:18:13 PM CDT

    Re: How Obama Played the Race Card (2.00 / 2)

    I apologize if this has already been stated. I have been frustrated about this since the New Hampshire primary. I have a question. When the specter of racism started surfacing, why didn’t Barack Obama simply state that he did not think the Clinton’s were racist? When Biden said something dumb in Iowa, Obama quickly rose to Senator Biden’s defense. If Obama had dismissed the idea that the Clinton’s were racist in any way, I am certain that the issue would have been diminished. And the outcome in SC would have been different.

    The Moose is on the loose. “And I scream at the top of my lungs, what’s going on?”

    by Hollede on Thu Feb 28, 2008 at 06:52:35 PM CDT

    I was surprised to discover that I did not post again until June 3, 2008.

    Re: MSNBC: Barack Obama Is Presumptive Nominee (2.00 / 1)

    I gotta admit it was pretty funny that he won the nomination right in the middle of the McCain speech and CNN switched over to teh breaking news of Obama winning the nomination. McCain not too bright.

    The Moose is on the loose. “And I scream at the top of my lungs, what’s going on?”

    by Hollede on Tue Jun 03, 2008 at 09:28:14 PM CDT

    Re: MSNBC: Barack Obama Is Presumptive Nominee (2.00 / 1)

    McCain was obviously was trying to get some relavance tonight and it blew up in his face.

    The Moose is on the loose. “And I scream at the top of my lungs, what’s going on?”

    by Hollede on Tue Jun 03, 2008 at 09:29:28 PM CDT

  7. thatpurplestuff

    Unfortunately, I cannot lay claim to that fantastic quip about curls and turds.  I also can’t post anymore with thatpurplestuff… apparently shame rec’ing diaries about white males while posting altered versions of Bruce Springsteen’s “Blinded By the Light” is frowned upon at MyDD.  Who knew?!  They should really add something about that in their FAQ/Usaga Guidelines.  I considered a reincarnation as thatWoWgold1125stuff or thatcheapreplicawatchstuff, but I realized that I really don’t have the time to start an online business right now.

    Seriously though, I always got a kick out of reading the quips from all of you during the primaries.  It’s the only thing that kept me sane while reading some of the inane drivel that people posted.

    Not sure if this really counts as a great rejoinder since it really only works against one poster, but I absolutely love asking zerosumgame if I’m speaking to him or his brother Jeff.  Not sure why, but it really cracks me up.  I know, I’m easy.

  8. louisprandtl

    a commenter called “obamaforprez” one of most offensive ever at MyDD. This user, in a reply to Linfar’s comment actually posted a picture (now the photobucket pic is deleted) of Virginia Tech Killer Seung-Hui Cho  proudly showing off with guns in his hands, and wrote

    “Why do I get the feeling when Hillary concedes you are this guy?


    I can do this all night sweetie!”

    He got 22 hiderates and troll ratings from Obama and Clinton supporters alike…it was very personal to some of us who knew folks who were killed…

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