Motley Moose – Archive

Happy Friday the 13th!

Interrogatories

What is your favorite ice cream flavor?

Have you ever heckled anybody?

Have you ever been heckled by anybody? How did you handle it?

On a scale of hyperactive to laid back, where do you fall?

The Twitter Emitter

Defunding promised gov't worker pensions – now that's redistribution of wealth politicians aren't afraid of.

— John Fugelsang (@JohnFugelsang) December 11, 2013

admit obama's marriage to the danish prime minister was a bit of a surprise

— Atrios (@Atrios) December 12, 2013

In "A very Gingrich Christmas" Scrooge is a Job Creator, the Cratchits are merely lazy & Tiny Tim takes a janitor job.

— John Fugelsang (@JohnFugelsang) December 12, 2013

The left needs its own Tea Party. Because what America needs now is a congress that won't even be able to pass bills naming post offices.

— William K. Wolfrum (@Wolfrum) December 12, 2013

I want to fight for the historical and racial accuracy of the magic elf lord overseer who lives on a sheet of ice.

— Jesse Taylor (@jesseltaylor) December 12, 2013

I don't see what the big deal is about the fake sign-language guy. Sarah Palin has been faking spoken English for years.

— David Lubar (@davidlubar) December 12, 2013

This black/white Santa controversy could be easily cleared up if Santa would just show is his birth certificate.

— Danielle (@DCPlod) December 12, 2013

That which you have done for the biggest of my donors, you have done for me – Republican Jesus.

— rootless (@root_e) December 12, 2013

Final tweet on volatile subjects for today: #GOP says it's wrong to reach into their wallets, but fine to reach into my womb. #ProtectChoice

— Emmie Mears (@emmiemears) December 12, 2013

"this doesn't affect me, so I'm just going to assume all the women complaining are acting irrationally." – most men about everything ever

— Carolyn Edgar (@carolynedgar) December 12, 2013

Interrogatories

Do you decorate your house inside for Christmas? If yes, how?

Do you decorate the outside for Christmas? If yes, how?

What have you done this week to aid in the effort of the War on Christmas?

Do you ever make your own decorations, or aid children in theirs?

The Twitter Emitter

I don't understand what the big deal is. I plan on taking a selfie at Rush Limbaugh's funeral.

— Crutnacker (@Crutnacker) December 11, 2013

John Cornyn talks big about box turtle immorality, but Steve Stockman will actually do something about it

— Gen JC Xtian patriot (@JC_Christian) December 11, 2013

Folks. When I say @chucktodd is a hipster ginger bin Laden, I'm not making a comparison about their ethical status. It's about the beards.

— Patrick Blanchfield (@PatBlanchfield) December 11, 2013

Has Darrell Issa scheduled Selfiegate hearings yet?

— myrrh (@guan) December 11, 2013

They should have guessed that the Mandela memorial sign language guy was fake when he kept signing "Baba Booey"

— daveweigel (@daveweigel) December 11, 2013

The War on Christmas folks don't do such a hot job of keeping Christ in Christmas but do a great job of keeping the con in conservatism.

— Worley Dervish (@WorleyDervish) December 12, 2013

Thank GOD there’s a Godzilla reboot for a zillion dollars! I was afraid a studio would spend that money to produce a dozen original stories.

— Wil Wheaton (@wilw) December 12, 2013

Wonder if the GOP is longing for the good ol days when they pledged allegiance to Grover Norquist rather than Jim DeMint.

— Lizz Winstead (@lizzwinstead) December 12, 2013

"New species of cockroach discovered in New York." Man, hipster hate is getting out of hand.

— Bearded Stoner (@beardedstoner) December 12, 2013

DO YOU PEOPLE EVEN REALIZE THAT OBAMA JUST SHOOK HANDS WITH THE BROTHER OF THE DICTATOR THAT SHOOK HANDS WITH NIXON?!!!

— John Fugelsang (@JohnFugelsang) December 12, 2013

Interrogatories

Have you, or has anyone close to you, ever fallen for a scam?

If you’re on Facebook, what percentage of “friends” is people you actually know in real life?

Did you ever have a trampoline?  A swing set? When you played outdoors, what did you play on, and what kind of games?

Is your local infrastructure in good or bad condition?

The Twitter Emitter

REMINDER: Being poor is fun. Being forced to call Christmas "the Holidays" is SLAVERY.

— LOLGOP (@LOLGOP) December 9, 2013

I generally don't recommend holding a cat while bare-chested at the exact moment someone turns on a vacuum.

— John Fugelsang (@JohnFugelsang) December 9, 2013

Republicans say they have "small-town values"? Why do they want to rip the heart out of every small town? #SaveUSPS

— The Daily Edge (@TheDailyEdge) December 9, 2013

Rand Paul: "Pope Francis shouldn't be ministering to the homeless. He's just discouraging them from starting businesses."

— Top Conservative Cat (@TeaPartyCat) December 10, 2013

The #GOP's definition of success is the ability to go from one failure to another, with no loss of enthusiasm

— word34 (@word_34) December 10, 2013

Dear Republicans: Nobody is forcing you to be on the wrong side of history. That's your own choice. – Sincerely, America.

— kara vallow (@teenagesleuth) December 10, 2013

If you boycott MLK day because he was an anti-war 'socialist' then you'd probably better boycott Christmas, too.

— John Fugelsang (@JohnFugelsang) December 10, 2013

Mandela died so you could have someone to compare NSA abuses to.

— William K. Wolfrum (@Wolfrum) December 10, 2013

It's no coincidence that today the administration passed the Raul Castro Rule to nationalize banks, code named, deceptively, "Volcker Rule."

— roadkillrefugee (@rkref) December 10, 2013

Interrogatories

What is your favorite book that you HAD to read for school?

Are you a poetry person? Who is your favorite poet?

Who do you think (living person) should get a Nobel Prize?

Do you know the Dewey Decimal System?

The Twitter Emitter

Run a multimillion dollar company when I could be getting $4 a day for doing nothing? Are you smoking dust? I have a refrigerator!

— LOLGOP (@LOLGOP) December 9, 2013

RGIII Was Leading Until The 4th Quarter, Then He Stopped Leading, He Should Lead More #RonFournierSports

— Oliver Willis (@owillis) December 9, 2013

New jobs report exceeds expectations and unemployment down. Finally, something the media won't blame on Obama.

— John Fugelsang (@JohnFugelsang) December 9, 2013

The Senate may have to work weekends to get their job done this year. But wouldn't they work harder if we stopped paying them, Rand Paul?

— LOLGOP (@LOLGOP) December 9, 2013

Compromise defense bill advances after Democrats agree to GOP demand that "Merry Christmas" be painted on more than 5,000 nuclear warheads

— The Daily Edge (@TheDailyEdge) December 9, 2013

If only all Muslims would convert to Christianity. Then we'd only have to be afraid of most of them because they're brown.

— William K. Wolfrum (@Wolfrum) December 9, 2013

Sarah Palin and Macaulay Culkin are trending. One is famous for their role as a child left behind by grownups, the other is Macaulay Culkin.

— DC Debbie (@DCdebbie) December 9, 2013

Interrogatories

Do you like popcorn? Plain, buttered, or other? Air popped, microwave, popped in oil? What’s your favorite popcorn-eating activity?

Have you ever attended the services of a religion that is not your own? How was it?

Did you ever pose in a photo booth? Post pics, please.

Did you ever burn yourself on a stove, motorcycle, or iron?

The Twitter Emitter

Rick Warren looks like the largest Chuck Todd nesting doll.

— Lizz Winstead (@lizzwinstead) December 6, 2013

Protip: if you are white and start a sentence with 'apartheid is like..' Stop look at your hand see its still white and shut the fuck up

— Patrick (@QuadCityPat) December 6, 2013

Pointing out that commentors on conservative websites are unrepentant raging racist assholes is mean, so stop it you guys. #unfair

— TBogg (@tbogg) December 6, 2013

"Rick Warren: Contraceptn Mandate Like Making Jewish Deli Sell Pork" No. It's like making them pay workers cash that can be used to buy pork

— Brad Friedman (@TheBradBlog) December 6, 2013

Palin says owing money to China is 'slavery.' Santorum says Obamacare is like 'apartheid.' Then THEY get upset if we say 'Happy Holidays.'

— The Daily Edge (@TheDailyEdge) December 8, 2013

Blessed are the meek, for they shall have their right to vote denied and their voices will be silenced in our "democracy" #GOPBible

— The Daily Edge (@TheDailyEdge) December 8, 2013

Rand Paul to the unemployed: “Are there no prisons, workhouses, copies of Atlas Shrugged to keep you warm?" http://t.co/KQ7yEgNVKx

— LOLGOP (@LOLGOP) December 8, 2013

Paul Ryan wants you to "dream again" Again? Everyday I dream. I dream of a world where Paul Ryan's title is "Former Wisconsin Congressman"

— Lizz Winstead (@lizzwinstead) December 8, 2013

Bill Kristol: "I don't think we need to extend unemployment benefits. None of my friends or coworkers are unemployed, so it's unnecessary."

— Top Conservative Cat (@TeaPartyCat) December 8, 2013

Interrogatories

If you have a microwave, what do you use it for? Do you actually cook in it, or is it just for reheating stuff?

Have you ever pawned anything, or bought anything in a pawn shop?

What are you allergic to?

Did you ever fall asleep in church, temple, or school? How about at your job?

The Twitter Emitter

Not Jim Caveziel? RT @chrisrock: Nelson Mandela the closes thing to Jesus Christ.

— daveweigel (@daveweigel) December 6, 2013

Sarah Palin is one of the best at the yoga pose Republicanasana. You put your foot in your mouth and your head up your ass.

— Peter Flom (@peterflom) December 5, 2013

Jesus, people, just ignore Westboro. It's one family of nuts, they represent nothing and no one, and attention is what they want.

— Danielle (@DCPlod) December 5, 2013

Michelle Bachman just said she was sad to hear of Nelson Mandela's death, but she and Marcus loved his arrangements for Frank Sinatra.

— Crutnacker (@Crutnacker) December 5, 2013

Look, people, Paris Hilton did not confuse MLK and Nelson Mandela. That was an obvious fake; she doesn't know who either is.

— Top Conservative Cat (@TeaPartyCat) December 6, 2013

Interrogatories

What did you get me for my birthday?

What is your ultimate comfort food?

What is your favorite shape? Do you prefer curves or angles?

When watching nature films, do you root for the predator or what is generally known as ‘dinner?’

The Twitter Emitter

Before Twitter…we had no way of knowing the illiteracy rates of our favorite celebrities.

— John Fugelsang (@JohnFugelsang) December 4, 2013

You know another problem with immigration reform is these people are gonna demand we put the Navidad in Christmas.

— Lizz Winstead (@lizzwinstead) December 4, 2013

How DARE Obama quote Pope Francis on the economy! The Pope should only be quoted about restricting women's control of their own bodies!

— Top Conservative Cat (@TeaPartyCat) December 4, 2013

Being able to support yourself from wages you earned is somehow controversial.

— Chris Dashiell (@cdashiell) December 4, 2013

Seriously, it's easier to sell meth than it is to sell Girl Scout cookies. Not that I would know. I was never in Girl Scouts.

— TheBloggess (@TheBloggess) December 4, 2013

You know who'd be great for the Martin Bashir timeslot? Alec Bald . . .Oh, right. Never mind.

— Chris Lehmann (@lehmannchris) December 4, 2013

I heard from a friend once that Pope Francis' last name is really Soetoro.

— William K. Wolfrum (@Wolfrum) December 5, 2013

Bashir didn't understand that the pearlrati only cheer when @SarahPalinUSA spews shit OUT of her mouth

— Gen JC Xtian patriot (@JC_Christian) December 5, 2013

Be kind to your dentist. He has fillings, too.

— Shayera Tangri (@shayera) December 5, 2013

Interrogatories

Did you ever write letters to Santa? Did he write back?

Have you ever written a fan letter? If so, who to? Did you get a response?

Quick – how many dice do you have in your house? What games?

Were your parents a lot alike, or were they opposites who were attracted? How about you and your partner/SO/spouse?

The Twitter Emitter

Healthcare dot gov didn't work at first so now the centuries-old, worldwide debate over role of government is completely settled forever.

— pourmecoffee (@pourmecoffee) December 3, 2013

The House GOP may impeach Obama for not implementing Obamacare well enough or they may wait to impeach him for implementing it too well.

— LOLGOP (@LOLGOP) December 3, 2013

IMPEACH OBAMA FOR NOT REPEALING OBAMACARE THEN REPLACE IT WITH THE AFFORDABLE CARE ACT #TCOT

— LOLGOP (@LOLGOP) December 3, 2013

Dems: "We'd like to wish the long-term unemployed Happy Holidays by extending their benefits" GOP: "Screw the unemployed. Merry Christmas!"

— The Daily Edge (@TheDailyEdge) December 3, 2013

The 113th Congress has passed 55 laws, fewer than any in history. Then again, do you really want these people passing more laws?

— Ronan Farrow (@RonanFarrow) December 3, 2013

There was Black Friday, Cyber Monday, and now, what the fuck have I done Tuesday.

— Albert Brooks (@AlbertBrooks) December 3, 2013

Note to fellow whites about race: until you get that you don't get it, you don't get it

— blue aardvark (@AardvarkBlue) December 3, 2013

Jesus could turn water into wine. A very marketable skill in the free market. Yet he died poor! WTF.

— kara vallow (@teenagesleuth) December 4, 2013

How will Amazon's delivery drones leave those annoying "While You Were Out" slips?

— Ben Greenman (@bengreenman) December 4, 2013

Interrogatories

Have you ever lacked a roof over your head?

How good are you at taking tests? At filling in questionnaires?

What’s the most high-tech toy you had as a kid?

What is the oldest photograph you have?

The Twitter Emitter

You know, we'll give Popes who protect pedophiles a pass, but talk bad about capitalism and we've got a problem.

— William K. Wolfrum (@Wolfrum) December 2, 2013

#CyberMondayMadness Seventeen people were trampled in a freak 404 error on http://t.co/X4D6ukAYFs

— Crutnacker (@Crutnacker) December 2, 2013

Does anyone have footage of the humiliating fistfights at WalMart on Black Friday over Sarah Palin's new book in the clearance bin?

— kara vallow (@teenagesleuth) December 2, 2013

Folks who couldn't walk a mile in your shoes love to point out the scuff marks.

— Jamilah Lemieux (@JamilahLemieux) December 2, 2013

Cyber Monday is so exciting. Last night we left cookies and milk for Jeff Bezos.

— Albert Brooks (@AlbertBrooks) December 2, 2013

GOP strategy: Let's cut programs to the poor and needy during the holiday season and then complain there's a #WarOnChristmas!

— The Daily Edge (@TheDailyEdge) December 1, 2013

Let's all get the holiday spirit. Give people a piece of your heart instead of a piece of your mind.

— RUTH BUZZI (@Ruth_A_Buzzi) December 1, 2013

The difference between your gun and your vote is someone is actually coming for you vote.

— LOLGOP (@LOLGOP) November 29, 2013

My favorite outdoor activity is going back inside where it's warm.

— Eastwood (@Eagle_Vision) November 29, 2013

Interrogatories

Have you started sending out your Christmas cards yet? (Stop laughing!)

It’s National Fritters Day. What are the best fritters? Apple? Corn? Or just frittering away the afternoon?

When was the last time you played Bingo? Have you ever been to a bingo parlor?

Who would you like to be stuck in an elevator with?

The Twitter Emitter

Wingnut advisory: The healthcare website is working. Please switch to Benghazi, IRS, or Obamaphones until another fake outrage is unveiled.

— TBogg (@tbogg) December 1, 2013

I thought racism was hatred of NASCAR.

— David Waldman (@KagroX) December 1, 2013

Rosa Park changed things. Before, buses operated on a racist class system. Now, when I see anyone get on a bus, I just think "they're poor."

— William K. Wolfrum (@Wolfrum) December 1, 2013

Hard to imagine how isolated someone would have to be think racism was over…or how racist, of course.

— Suzanne Munshower (@expatina) December 1, 2013

To honor Rosa Parks' refusal to give up her seat on a bus, Republicans will defund public transit.

— Chris Dashiell (@cdashiell) December 1, 2013

RWNJ dissing FLOTUS for indulging in something fattening never understand they're simply revealing they're incapable of moderation. #PieGate

— Lizz Winstead (@lizzwinstead) December 1, 2013

When Peggy Noonan starts with the Obamacare/Titanic metaphors, it usually means she's run out of ice for her scotch.

— kara vallow (@teenagesleuth) December 1, 2013

Ladies, any man who calls his own personal anatomy 'junk' is never going to learn how to take care of yours.

— John Fugelsang (@JohnFugelsang) December 2, 2013

Scott Walker says the GOP needs to have an "optimistic message". Good idea! Maybe something about how great it is to be rich and white.

— Top Conservative Cat (@TeaPartyCat) December 2, 2013

Look, up in the air … it's a bird, it's a plane … it's your sex toy delivered by drone from Amazon.

— pourmecoffee (@pourmecoffee) December 2, 2013