Motley Moose – Archive

President Obama Inaugurated for Second Term!

Recall the GOP Agenda after the 2008 election…

How’d that work out for you, Turtle Man???

Good morning, Bombers. Yesterday my news feed was all about the Baseball Hall of Fame (abbreviated HOF on Twitter, which to me means “Hair on Fire,” but that’s another controversy) and OMG, Obama doesn’t believe in diversity! (The two female Supreme Court Justices don’t count.)

Today’s REALLY IMPORTANT controversies are: Was the 1970s “disco sucks” movement racist? Coffee: dark roast or medium roast? African, Central/South American, Indonesian, Jamaican? Tapioca: Yummy or intrinsically creepy? Cats: Long hair or short hair? Wine: White or red? Homeowners’ Associations: Evil or just Nasty?

From canyourelate.com: The 10 best rape prevention tips you will ever see: http://canyourelate.org/2011/0…

Today’s Twitter Roundup:

Fox News: “Americans aren’t poor. 99% have refrigerators. And some of them have food inside.”

— The Daily Edge (@TheDailyEdge) January 8, 2013

Lindsey Graham puts hold on appetizer order until waiter gives answers about Benghazi

— daveweigel (@daveweigel) January 9, 2013

I’d write a novel about a baker who casts spells by slicing dough in different shapes, but it would be dismissed as “cookie-cutter fantasy.”

— Eric James Stone (@EricJamesStone) January 9, 2013

Paul Ryan Sponsors Fetal Personhood Bill. Because abortion is murder, but shooting 6 year olds is constitutional freedom.

— Elayne Boosler (@ElayneBoosler) January 9, 2013

Highlight of the State of the Union? President turns around, says, “What’s that in your ear, Mr. Speaker?” & pulls out the trilion $ coin.

— LOLGOP (@LOLGOP) January 9, 2013

I can’t believe the partisan fight Obama is picking with Republicans over whomever he appoints to Labor. Disgraceful.

— Jesse Taylor (@jesseltaylor) January 9, 2013

Sorry, Wall St.! No bonuses! That’d be “distributing the wealth,” and Eric Bolling says that’s pinko shit.

— David Waldman (@KagroX) January 9, 2013

People kill people. People with guns kill more people, faster.

— Peter Flom (@peterflom) January 10, 2013

Tomorrow on @morning_joe, a panel of ten white men and one woman will discuss the lack of diversity in Obama’s cabinet. Cc @joenbc

— Keith White (@Keethers) January 10, 2013

#EdShow If “mental health” is THE reason for gun violence, shouldn’t we worry about Michelle Bachmann heading the House Intel Committee?

— jawillie (@jawillie) January 10, 2013

Now, on to the history lesson!

Happy hump day, F Troopers!  The weather report warns of lightning storms and flash flooding on the GOS (flooding undoubtedly caused by tears of impotent rage). It is recommended that you stay inside where it is safe and warm, and we argue about more important things, like…

Do you pronounce the ‘t’ in often? (Do you pronounce the ‘t’ in soften?) Utilize instead of use: a bad or good thing? Yes, you can utilize that room as an office, but when you have been treated badly by your date, do you feel utilized? Would you buy a utilized car? Where do we draw the line? Who is worse, Nickelback or Creed? If you like one or the other, are you willing to admit it? Does the imminent return of high waisted pants delight or terrify you? What is your favorite decade (or era) for movies?

Your Twitter Cavalcade:

I have serious issues and concerns with John McCrazy’s ability to fulfill the duties of his Senatorial post…I think he’s unfit for duty.

— GStuedler (@GStuedler) January 8, 2013

I’m not sure if we should have a national database of the mentally ill but I hope someone is keeping an eye on Allen West.

— LOLGOP (@LOLGOP) January 8, 2013

Obama could cure cancer and people like Ron Fournier would say his cure wasn’t bipartisan enough.

— Oliver Willis (@owillis) January 8, 2013

I’d smoke weed today but I’m too disgusted that it would let itself be smoked by Bieber. #not

— Jesus Christ (@Jesus_M_Christ) January 8, 2013

Congress has a 9% approval rating and a 91% incumbency rating which equals a 100% cognitive dissonance rating.

— LOLGOP (@LOLGOP) January 8, 2013

Coins are so boring. It should be a trillion dollar platinum SWORD, forged by elves schooled in the ancient ways.

— pourmecoffee (@pourmecoffee) January 8, 2013

Last year was the hottest year on record, if you believe so-called “thermometers.”

— LOLGOP (@LOLGOP) January 9, 2013

AIG puts the douche back in fiduciary duty.

— David Waldman (@KagroX) January 9, 2013

If the GOP wanted to pick the nominee for Secretary of Defense, they should have picked a better candidate for President.

— kara vallow (@teenagesleuth) January 9, 2013

Truth:

Now, time for our history lesson!

Alright!

As promised, here are a few of the better insults that I remember from the Navy:

“I’d say that you were dumber than a bag of hammers, but that would be an insult to a useful tool.”

“You’re holdin’ up the whole Navy, Midshipman David!”  (That one is burned into my memory).

“You’re the kind of person that would go looking for the batteries for the “sound-powered” phones, aren’t ya’?” (Can be alternated with a variation: “You’re the kind of person that would go looking for relative bearing grease, aren’t ya’?”)

One of the harshest that I remember is one that I picked up in 1985: