Motley Moose – Archive

Interrogatories

Are you touchy-feely or reserved? Do you hug a lot?

Do you ever fly the American flag? Any flag?

Do you often attend theatrical events (including ballet and opera)? How about museum exhibits? What is the last of any of these that you saw?

The Twitter Emitter

If you're a guy who wants to have sex with women, then calls women who talk about having sex trashy, you're an idiot.

— Jesse Taylor (@jesseltaylor) February 6, 2014

I think we all want that American Dream where we can be rich enough to drunkenly kill several people & not go to prison.

— William K. Wolfrum (@Wolfrum) February 6, 2014

Lucy withdraws support for comprehensive football placekicking reform.

— David Waldman (@KagroX) February 6, 2014

Not saying Wikileaks is owned by Russian intel, but I am saying there's a suspicious number of dropped definite articles in their writing.

— ☞ Internet, Eh? ☜ (@InternetEh) February 6, 2014

CEILING RUSSIAN SECURITY SERVICES CAT KNOWS ALL ABOUT YOUR SPECIAL FOLDER BURIED IN C://DOCUMENTS/MYFILES #sochi2014

— ¡ Terry ! Candy Saga (@shortstack81) February 6, 2014

Most of the reporters will stop whinging about #SochiProblems once the radioactive polonium-210 kicks in.

— William K. Wolfrum (@Wolfrum) February 6, 2014

For people who love talking about "responsibility," libertarians have absolutely no grasp of "liability."

— kara vallow (@teenagesleuth) February 6, 2014

"AOL's health care expenses went up this yr, just as they have every yr since the company was founded, but this time it's Obamacare's fault"

— Eric Boehlert (@EricBoehlert) February 6, 2014

Sochi hotel rooms are so bad that bedbugs are walking out in protest.

— Crutnacker (@Crutnacker) February 6, 2014

Subway is removing azodicarbonamide from its bread because a Fritos Crunchy Chicken Enchilada Melt should be healthy

— Desus (@desusnice) February 6, 2014

Interrogatories

Do you go along with the re-naming of stadiums and ballparks after corporations, or do you insist on calling them by the original names?

Do you think that the U.K. should dump their royalty, or are they worth maintaining?

Do you lend out things (tools, money, books), even if you know there is little likelihood of seeing them again?

The Twitter Emitter

Which BuzzFeed quiz are you? (A BuzzFeed quiz.)

— Josh Greenman (@joshgreenman) February 5, 2014

I don't know anymore what people mean when they say something is "divisive" or "mean" or "bullying." Those words have been so diluted.

— Jessica W. Luther (@scATX) February 5, 2014

"We're just stenographers. Actual journalism is too much like work." ~ The DC Village Sheeple explain their lazy reporting.

— Libido Shuffle (@eclecticbrotha) February 5, 2014

When someone asks you to not call them something or speak of them in certain ways, why is it hard to respect that?

— Sarafeminista (@FeministaJones) February 5, 2014

Liberals should be more Tigger, less Eeyore.

— Oliver Willis (@owillis) February 5, 2014

The CBO proves Obamacare will destroy the economy by letting sick seniors retire rather than be stuck working for health insurance.

— Top Conservative Cat (@TeaPartyCat) February 5, 2014

I'd tell you what 'incredulous' means, but you probably wouldn't believe me.

— Mr Roger Quimbly (@RogerQuimbly) February 3, 2014

Productivity is up, but wage compensation is down. Minus health insurance "job lock," what did you THINK was going to happen?

— David Waldman (@KagroX) February 6, 2014

I'm glad the media's finally talking about bad heroin batches, cos those really ruin it for the healthy fair-trade organic vegan brands.

— John Fugelsang (@JohnFugelsang) February 6, 2014

Nice to see Rick Perry can take time out from all the pro-life work he does to enjoy executing someone.

— Top Conservative Cat (@TeaPartyCat) February 6, 2014

Interrogatories

What is your favorite source for weather information? Do you have a weather radio?

Nutella: Love it or hate it?

What is your favorite game involving hitting balls with sticks? Are you any good at it?

The Twitter Emitter

Juan Rodríguez Cabrillo didn't discover California so you could talk all foreign #SpeakAmerican

— Gen JC Xtian patriot (@JC_Christian) February 4, 2014

"My school pal for whom I created a job at Port Authority is a fucking monster who should be nowhere near the reins of power I handed him."

— kara vallow (@teenagesleuth) February 4, 2014

You will always be applauded in the most affluent quarters when you blame blameless victims for their own misery.

— Joyce Carol Oates (@JoyceCarolOates) February 4, 2014

Facebook turns 10 today, quickly nearing the age to no longer be interested in Facebook.

— Miles Kahn (@mileskahn) February 4, 2014

If marriage equality is not Scottish, it's crap!

— David Waldman (@KagroX) February 4, 2014

You'd think I'd be a creationist, but these days I prefer to deny any involvement in this fiasco.

— God (@TheTweetOfGod) February 4, 2014

Will I use this cattle prod on the next person who sends me an @Upworthy link? The answer may shock you.

— Will McAvoy (@WillMcAvoyACN) February 5, 2014

I want Ken Ham to debate a Pastafarian. Would be more instructive for all involved.

— Hunter (@HunterDK) February 5, 2014

Shorter Ken Ham: The Bible is the word of God and the origin of everything. How do we know? The Bible tells us. #creationdebate

— Crutnacker (@Crutnacker) February 5, 2014

REMINDER: if you oppose gay marriage for Biblical reasons you're also banned from eating at Red Lobster or getting a tattoo #Leviticus

— The Daily Edge (@TheDailyEdge) February 5, 2014

As relief from that creation debate I'm going to have a discussion on nuclear physics with my cat.

— Crutnacker (@Crutnacker) February 5, 2014

The CBO proves Obamacare will destroy the economy by letting sick seniors retire rather than be stuck working for health insurance.

— Top Conservative Cat (@TeaPartyCat) February 5, 2014

Interrogatories

If you could travel to any fictional world, where would you go?

Miracle Whip: Good food or abomination?

Are you ever a klutz? Any embarrassing stories?

The Twitter Emitter

I'm not offended by enamel erosion & high fructose corn syrup but damn you Coke for an America the Beautiful that doesn't hate foreigners.

— John Fugelsang (@JohnFugelsang) February 3, 2014

You'd think the angry bigots could overlook the America the Beautiful ad & still appreciate coke for the poor labor & environmental record.

— John Fugelsang (@JohnFugelsang) February 3, 2014

Next up on Fox News: How it's not racist to be mad Coke ruined the Super Bowl with reminders that America isn't all white English speakers.

— Top Conservative Cat (@TeaPartyCat) February 3, 2014

To placate the far right, Coke promised that in next year's Super Bowl commercial, everyone would speak in tongues.

— David Lubar (@davidlubar) February 3, 2014

FOX NEWS: The government has no business telling you what to do, unless you don't speak English or have a vagina

— The Daily Edge (@TheDailyEdge) February 3, 2014

Ben Franklin started 1st Printing Press w/Hemppaper. Not saying he smoked any, as many sober men fly kites in thunderstorms

— John Fugelsang (@JohnFugelsang) February 3, 2014

Twitter is wall to wall coke and Woody Allen. It’s like the 1970s all over again…

— Larry Madill (@larrymadill) February 3, 2014

Chik-Fil-a serves Coke! BOYCOTT!!!!!!

— Steve Weinstein (@steveweinstein) February 4, 2014

1933 Century of Progress World's Fair Chicago – Kraft introduces Miracle Whip as a less expensive mayonnaise alternative #WhiteHistoryMoment

— Jack Kimble (@RepJackKimble) February 1, 2014

90% of our lives are spent trying to find the little ‘x’ to close pop-up ads.

— Quinn Sutherland (@ReelQuinn) February 1, 2014

Chris Christie offers a devastating new allegation that David Wildstein stole wine at a Bar Mitzvah, to the chagrin of his mother and aunt.

— LOLGOP (@LOLGOP) February 2, 2014

Interrogatories

Have you ever been in the cockpit of a plane? Have you ever flown a plane?

What’s the smallest plane you’ve been on? The largest? Have you ever flown in a helicopter?

Would you go to the Sochi Olympics, given the opportunity? Would you take your family?

The Twitter Emitter

This is what happens when you don’t endorse Chris Christie Peyton Manning! #TimeForSomeTroubleInTheMeadowlands

— Teresa Kopec (@TeresaKopec) February 3, 2014

Denver's official elev. is 5280 ft, enabling most residents to earn easy membership to the otherwise exclusive Mile High Club

— Neil deGrasse Tyson (@neiltyson) February 3, 2014

Well, a great day in NJ, as human growth hormone-injected monsters gave each other brain damage for a tax-free, anti-trust exempt monopoly.

— kara vallow (@teenagesleuth) February 3, 2014

MSNBC deeply apologizes for not being able to stand by our own opinions. This does not reflect our opinion.

— MSNBC is Sorry (@MSNBCApologizes) January 30, 2014

.@cathymcmorris Hi, Congresswoman. Obamacare gave me gout. Also it burned my toast this morning. You can use this in a speech if you want.

— Jamison Foser (@jamisonfoser) January 31, 2014

We never hear anything from Rick Astley these days. It's almost like he's given us up, and let us down.

— Jennifer Lawrence (@itsjenIawrence) February 1, 2014

February, oh, right– time for 28 straight days of Fox News complaining about how it's totally unfair that there's no White History Month.

— Top Conservative Cat (@TeaPartyCat) February 1, 2014

If you believe in the groundhog but not climate scientists, could you please not reproduce? It's very important. Thanks in advance.

— pourmecoffee (@pourmecoffee) February 1, 2014

Koch Industries announces plans to add 2,000 new state and local officials to its payroll in 2014

— The Daily Edge (@TheDailyEdge) February 1, 2014

Protip: deporting Justin Bieber won't make his music go away.

— John Aziz (@azizonomics) February 1, 2014

Interrogatories

Is there any song that would always make you sing along?

Do you start every morning with coffee or tea? How do you make it? If you don’t do either of those, what DO you do?

Do you care what you wear when you take out the trash, get the paper or mail, etc., or do you just go as is?

The Twitter Emitter

No, really, your conspiracy theories are on point. It's those other conspiracy theorists that are the crazy ones.

— William K. Wolfrum (@Wolfrum) January 30, 2014

What every woman really wants is for a man to drag her to the bedroom, throw her on the bed, and then clean the house while she takes a nap.

— RUTH BUZZI (@Ruth_A_Buzzi) January 30, 2014

It's a continuing mystery why sluts, illegals, Urbans, Sinners & parasites have turned their back on the GOP.

— William K. Wolfrum (@Wolfrum) January 30, 2014

Retirements of Henry Waxman and George Miller totally devastating to congressional mustache caucus.

— daveweigel (@daveweigel) January 30, 2014

The constant flood of overt racism from today's right is bad enough, but the whining when they're called out on it is insufferable.

— Charles Johnson (@Green_Footballs) January 30, 2014

@Yardarm756DD @Reince Every time a #ConservativeIdiotMale speaks about ANATOMY HE DOESN'T POSSESS, 1,000 women register as DEMOCRATS.

— Tally (@bardgal) January 30, 2014

Justin Bieber really is our King Joffrey.

— kelly oxford (@kellyoxford) January 30, 2014

The Invisible Hand of the Market in Your Pocket.

— kara vallow (@teenagesleuth) January 31, 2014

Not only do I work in mysterious ways, I only work part-time.

— God (@TheTweetOfGod) January 31, 2014

Interrogatories

Have you ever been to a rodeo? Polo match? Other equestrian events?

How about car races, rallies, etc.? Ever drag race?

What bumper stickers do you have on your car?

The Twitter Emitter

I don't exist. What's your excuse?

— God (@TheTweetOfGod) January 30, 2014

Motley Crue breakup sends shockwaves through the Unnecessary Umlaut community.

— John Fugelsang (@JohnFugelsang) January 30, 2014

"Water? Roads? Who fucking cares about that shit? LET'S KILL SOME PEOPLE!" – The Romans, right at the end of their empire.

— kara vallow (@teenagesleuth) January 30, 2014

Does stress raise your alcohol tolerance? I'm asking for a friend…

— Elon James White (@elonjames) January 30, 2014

Bristol Palin criticizes Wendy Davis’ role as a mother: Irony is dead.

— Don Drennon (@dondrennon) January 28, 2014

i fear that my generation is dying off, leaving the world to people who love and want to help each other. they must be stopped #foxnewsCHAT

— the big beef (@BronzeHammer) January 29, 2014

Maybe if I rebranded baguettes as "longform bread", people would throw money at me?

— Ed Yong (@edyong209) January 29, 2014

Related: I'm starting to get a sense that Michele Bachmann doesn't really understand how this whole government thing works.

— delrayser (@delrayser) January 29, 2014

In 16 states, NY/1 reporter Michael Scotto would have had permission to shoot GOP Rep. Michael Grimm dead last night http://t.co/DI6tMnDf4S

— The Daily Edge (@TheDailyEdge) January 29, 2014

Rep. Steve Stockman: "Yes, I walked out of the State of the Union. I had to. The Secret Service wouldn't let me fondle my gun in there."

— Top Conservative Cat (@TeaPartyCat) January 30, 2014

Interrogatories

What is your favorite kind of puzzle?

What would you like to say “Nevermore” to?

What was the last thing, outside of a cashier line, that you waited in line for?

The Twitter Emitter

there will be FOUR GOP "responses" to the SOTU. Because one massive gaffe is just not enough #uniteblue #ladems @BobbyJindal

— Edward Branley (@YatPundit) January 29, 2014

REPORT: The Duck Dynasty guy's beard has been asked to give a Republican response to the State of the Union.

— LOLGOP (@LOLGOP) January 29, 2014

Sarah Palin expressed sadness at the death of Pete Seeger, saying she loved the songs Old Time Rock And Roll and Night Moves.

— Crutnacker (@Crutnacker) January 29, 2014

It's emblematic of what the Republicans have become that their idols are a clean cut yuppie family dressed in hillbilly costumes.

— Joy Reid (@TheReidReport) January 29, 2014

I'm watching SOTU tonight while suffering from food poisoning which, I imagine, won't be much diff from watching SOTU w/o food poisoning.

— Brad Friedman (@TheBradBlog) January 29, 2014

If you think a political party hanging the entire country out to dry due to a tantrum is less horrific than a website glitch, you're a moron

— Assassin Grrrl (@AssassinGrl) January 29, 2014

GOP says tax cuts help economy. GOP kills Obama jobs plan that's 60% tax cuts. GOP blames Obama. Your uncle nods. #sotu

— John Fugelsang (@JohnFugelsang) January 29, 2014

You know how dumb some of these right-wingers are? They think socialist is an insult.

— Angelo Carusone (@GoAngelo) January 29, 2014

@mmnimmz President Obama said a woman earned 70 cents for every dollar a man makes. That's socialism. Why can't she earn her own money?

— Jack Kimble (@RepJackKimble) January 29, 2014

Damn, my cat just gave a response to the #SOTU

— Crutnacker (@Crutnacker) January 29, 2014

Interrogatories

It’s National Kazoo Day and National Clash Day. What Clash song would you most like to hear on the kazoo?

What is the most absurd think that Republican males believe?

Have you ever written notes on your hand like Palin? What kind of notes?

The Twitter Emitter

Don't tell me the sky's the limit when there's footprints on the moon

— Chris Walker (@cwalkertime23) January 26, 2014

Steven Tyler looks like some Real Housewife who was not asked back for season 2 #Grammys

— Lizz Winstead (@lizzwinstead) January 27, 2014

My life is so boring Big Brother stopped watching.

— JerryThomas (@JerryThomas) January 27, 2014

New Gallup poll says 67% of Americans dissatisfied with wealth distribution. 7% are "very satisfied" and I would like what they are smoking.

— Ronan Farrow (@RonanFarrow) January 27, 2014

Hillary Clinton hasn't driven a car since 1996, which was just 14 months before Rand Paul last read a newspaper.

— LOLGOP (@LOLGOP) January 27, 2014

Cokehead Tray Radel Resigning From Congress To Spend More Time With His Coke http://t.co/6X74snVBVW

— Wonkette (@Wonkette) January 27, 2014

Rand Paul reminds you that bringing his dad into it is off limits. Oh, and 1 time Hillary Clinton's husband got impeached.

— John Fugelsang (@JohnFugelsang) January 28, 2014

Religious freedom means taxpayers should have to fund the teaching of creationism but your employer should decide what medications you get.

— LOLGOP (@LOLGOP) January 28, 2014

Look, I warned you people about this: White House reveals that "any American who saw Macklemore perform at the Grammys is now gay married."

— Top Conservative Cat (@TeaPartyCat) January 28, 2014

Why can’t my millions make me immune to criticism?

— Lisa McIntire (@LisaMcIntire) January 28, 2014

Interrogatories

What is the most exotic place you have been?

What is your least favorite animal and why?

Did you ever hidden something then forget where you hid it?

The Twitter Emitter

If ignorance is bliss why is the world so unhappy?

— God (@TheTweetOfGod) January 23, 2014

Don't women understand that sex is a guy thing?

— William K. Wolfrum (@Wolfrum) January 24, 2014

Hey, inmates? If any of you wind up dating Hunter Moore in prison, be sure to post pics without his consent, k?

— John Fugelsang (@JohnFugelsang) January 24, 2014

We now live in the country the NRA wanted for us: school and mall shootings all but routine, no hope of any action at all by lawmakers.

— Joy Reid (@TheReidReport) January 25, 2014

Massive criminal gang in New Jersey identified as the Chris Christie administration

— The Daily Edge (@TheDailyEdge) January 26, 2014

Sarah Palin: "We should oppose the Trans Pacific Partnership. It's just not right to be making trade deals only with gay people."

— Top Conservative Cat (@TeaPartyCat) January 26, 2014

I WISH THE GRAMMYS STILL HONORED TRADITIONAL MARRIAGE: SONNY & CHER. IKE AND TINA, CAPTAIN AND TENNILLE #tcot

— LOLGOP (@LOLGOP) January 26, 2014

The new danger is apparently yahoos who read about "Stand Your Ground" in the papers and then hang out by their windows with scoped rifles.

— David Waldman (@KagroX) January 26, 2014

I am ready for a night that truly honors the very best in music, but until then the Grammys will have to do.

— God (@TheTweetOfGod) January 27, 2014

Y’all really think my Dad is picking who wins the Grammys? Does YOUR dad listen to pop music?

— Jesus Christ (@Jesus_M_Christ) January 27, 2014

Paul McCartney and Willie Nelson are proof that marijuana kills. #Grammys

— Crutnacker (@Crutnacker) January 27, 2014