Motley Moose – Archive

Interrogatories

Do you like popcorn? Plain, buttered, or other? Air popped, microwave, popped in oil? What’s your favorite popcorn-eating activity?

Have you ever attended the services of a religion that is not your own? How was it?

Did you ever pose in a photo booth? Post pics, please.

Did you ever burn yourself on a stove, motorcycle, or iron?

The Twitter Emitter

Rick Warren looks like the largest Chuck Todd nesting doll.

— Lizz Winstead (@lizzwinstead) December 6, 2013

Protip: if you are white and start a sentence with 'apartheid is like..' Stop look at your hand see its still white and shut the fuck up

— Patrick (@QuadCityPat) December 6, 2013

Pointing out that commentors on conservative websites are unrepentant raging racist assholes is mean, so stop it you guys. #unfair

— TBogg (@tbogg) December 6, 2013

"Rick Warren: Contraceptn Mandate Like Making Jewish Deli Sell Pork" No. It's like making them pay workers cash that can be used to buy pork

— Brad Friedman (@TheBradBlog) December 6, 2013

Palin says owing money to China is 'slavery.' Santorum says Obamacare is like 'apartheid.' Then THEY get upset if we say 'Happy Holidays.'

— The Daily Edge (@TheDailyEdge) December 8, 2013

Blessed are the meek, for they shall have their right to vote denied and their voices will be silenced in our "democracy" #GOPBible

— The Daily Edge (@TheDailyEdge) December 8, 2013

Rand Paul to the unemployed: “Are there no prisons, workhouses, copies of Atlas Shrugged to keep you warm?" http://t.co/KQ7yEgNVKx

— LOLGOP (@LOLGOP) December 8, 2013

Paul Ryan wants you to "dream again" Again? Everyday I dream. I dream of a world where Paul Ryan's title is "Former Wisconsin Congressman"

— Lizz Winstead (@lizzwinstead) December 8, 2013

Bill Kristol: "I don't think we need to extend unemployment benefits. None of my friends or coworkers are unemployed, so it's unnecessary."

— Top Conservative Cat (@TeaPartyCat) December 8, 2013

Interrogatories

If you have a microwave, what do you use it for? Do you actually cook in it, or is it just for reheating stuff?

Have you ever pawned anything, or bought anything in a pawn shop?

What are you allergic to?

Did you ever fall asleep in church, temple, or school? How about at your job?

The Twitter Emitter

Not Jim Caveziel? RT @chrisrock: Nelson Mandela the closes thing to Jesus Christ.

— daveweigel (@daveweigel) December 6, 2013

Sarah Palin is one of the best at the yoga pose Republicanasana. You put your foot in your mouth and your head up your ass.

— Peter Flom (@peterflom) December 5, 2013

Jesus, people, just ignore Westboro. It's one family of nuts, they represent nothing and no one, and attention is what they want.

— Danielle (@DCPlod) December 5, 2013

Michelle Bachman just said she was sad to hear of Nelson Mandela's death, but she and Marcus loved his arrangements for Frank Sinatra.

— Crutnacker (@Crutnacker) December 5, 2013

Look, people, Paris Hilton did not confuse MLK and Nelson Mandela. That was an obvious fake; she doesn't know who either is.

— Top Conservative Cat (@TeaPartyCat) December 6, 2013

Interrogatories

What did you get me for my birthday?

What is your ultimate comfort food?

What is your favorite shape? Do you prefer curves or angles?

When watching nature films, do you root for the predator or what is generally known as ‘dinner?’

The Twitter Emitter

Before Twitter…we had no way of knowing the illiteracy rates of our favorite celebrities.

— John Fugelsang (@JohnFugelsang) December 4, 2013

You know another problem with immigration reform is these people are gonna demand we put the Navidad in Christmas.

— Lizz Winstead (@lizzwinstead) December 4, 2013

How DARE Obama quote Pope Francis on the economy! The Pope should only be quoted about restricting women's control of their own bodies!

— Top Conservative Cat (@TeaPartyCat) December 4, 2013

Being able to support yourself from wages you earned is somehow controversial.

— Chris Dashiell (@cdashiell) December 4, 2013

Seriously, it's easier to sell meth than it is to sell Girl Scout cookies. Not that I would know. I was never in Girl Scouts.

— TheBloggess (@TheBloggess) December 4, 2013

You know who'd be great for the Martin Bashir timeslot? Alec Bald . . .Oh, right. Never mind.

— Chris Lehmann (@lehmannchris) December 4, 2013

I heard from a friend once that Pope Francis' last name is really Soetoro.

— William K. Wolfrum (@Wolfrum) December 5, 2013

Bashir didn't understand that the pearlrati only cheer when @SarahPalinUSA spews shit OUT of her mouth

— Gen JC Xtian patriot (@JC_Christian) December 5, 2013

Be kind to your dentist. He has fillings, too.

— Shayera Tangri (@shayera) December 5, 2013

Interrogatories

Did you ever write letters to Santa? Did he write back?

Have you ever written a fan letter? If so, who to? Did you get a response?

Quick – how many dice do you have in your house? What games?

Were your parents a lot alike, or were they opposites who were attracted? How about you and your partner/SO/spouse?

The Twitter Emitter

Healthcare dot gov didn't work at first so now the centuries-old, worldwide debate over role of government is completely settled forever.

— pourmecoffee (@pourmecoffee) December 3, 2013

The House GOP may impeach Obama for not implementing Obamacare well enough or they may wait to impeach him for implementing it too well.

— LOLGOP (@LOLGOP) December 3, 2013

IMPEACH OBAMA FOR NOT REPEALING OBAMACARE THEN REPLACE IT WITH THE AFFORDABLE CARE ACT #TCOT

— LOLGOP (@LOLGOP) December 3, 2013

Dems: "We'd like to wish the long-term unemployed Happy Holidays by extending their benefits" GOP: "Screw the unemployed. Merry Christmas!"

— The Daily Edge (@TheDailyEdge) December 3, 2013

The 113th Congress has passed 55 laws, fewer than any in history. Then again, do you really want these people passing more laws?

— Ronan Farrow (@RonanFarrow) December 3, 2013

There was Black Friday, Cyber Monday, and now, what the fuck have I done Tuesday.

— Albert Brooks (@AlbertBrooks) December 3, 2013

Note to fellow whites about race: until you get that you don't get it, you don't get it

— blue aardvark (@AardvarkBlue) December 3, 2013

Jesus could turn water into wine. A very marketable skill in the free market. Yet he died poor! WTF.

— kara vallow (@teenagesleuth) December 4, 2013

How will Amazon's delivery drones leave those annoying "While You Were Out" slips?

— Ben Greenman (@bengreenman) December 4, 2013

Interrogatories

Have you ever lacked a roof over your head?

How good are you at taking tests? At filling in questionnaires?

What’s the most high-tech toy you had as a kid?

What is the oldest photograph you have?

The Twitter Emitter

You know, we'll give Popes who protect pedophiles a pass, but talk bad about capitalism and we've got a problem.

— William K. Wolfrum (@Wolfrum) December 2, 2013

#CyberMondayMadness Seventeen people were trampled in a freak 404 error on http://t.co/X4D6ukAYFs

— Crutnacker (@Crutnacker) December 2, 2013

Does anyone have footage of the humiliating fistfights at WalMart on Black Friday over Sarah Palin's new book in the clearance bin?

— kara vallow (@teenagesleuth) December 2, 2013

Folks who couldn't walk a mile in your shoes love to point out the scuff marks.

— Jamilah Lemieux (@JamilahLemieux) December 2, 2013

Cyber Monday is so exciting. Last night we left cookies and milk for Jeff Bezos.

— Albert Brooks (@AlbertBrooks) December 2, 2013

GOP strategy: Let's cut programs to the poor and needy during the holiday season and then complain there's a #WarOnChristmas!

— The Daily Edge (@TheDailyEdge) December 1, 2013

Let's all get the holiday spirit. Give people a piece of your heart instead of a piece of your mind.

— RUTH BUZZI (@Ruth_A_Buzzi) December 1, 2013

The difference between your gun and your vote is someone is actually coming for you vote.

— LOLGOP (@LOLGOP) November 29, 2013

My favorite outdoor activity is going back inside where it's warm.

— Eastwood (@Eagle_Vision) November 29, 2013

Interrogatories

Have you started sending out your Christmas cards yet? (Stop laughing!)

It’s National Fritters Day. What are the best fritters? Apple? Corn? Or just frittering away the afternoon?

When was the last time you played Bingo? Have you ever been to a bingo parlor?

Who would you like to be stuck in an elevator with?

The Twitter Emitter

Wingnut advisory: The healthcare website is working. Please switch to Benghazi, IRS, or Obamaphones until another fake outrage is unveiled.

— TBogg (@tbogg) December 1, 2013

I thought racism was hatred of NASCAR.

— David Waldman (@KagroX) December 1, 2013

Rosa Park changed things. Before, buses operated on a racist class system. Now, when I see anyone get on a bus, I just think "they're poor."

— William K. Wolfrum (@Wolfrum) December 1, 2013

Hard to imagine how isolated someone would have to be think racism was over…or how racist, of course.

— Suzanne Munshower (@expatina) December 1, 2013

To honor Rosa Parks' refusal to give up her seat on a bus, Republicans will defund public transit.

— Chris Dashiell (@cdashiell) December 1, 2013

RWNJ dissing FLOTUS for indulging in something fattening never understand they're simply revealing they're incapable of moderation. #PieGate

— Lizz Winstead (@lizzwinstead) December 1, 2013

When Peggy Noonan starts with the Obamacare/Titanic metaphors, it usually means she's run out of ice for her scotch.

— kara vallow (@teenagesleuth) December 1, 2013

Ladies, any man who calls his own personal anatomy 'junk' is never going to learn how to take care of yours.

— John Fugelsang (@JohnFugelsang) December 2, 2013

Scott Walker says the GOP needs to have an "optimistic message". Good idea! Maybe something about how great it is to be rich and white.

— Top Conservative Cat (@TeaPartyCat) December 2, 2013

Look, up in the air … it's a bird, it's a plane … it's your sex toy delivered by drone from Amazon.

— pourmecoffee (@pourmecoffee) December 2, 2013

Interrogatories

How was dinner? Did it treat you well?

What is the first video game you ever played? What was the last? Where/are you any good?

Have you ever square danced? Line danced? Any other form of group dancing?

Have you finished your Christmas shopping yet? Will you shop today (Black Friday)? Did you shop on Thanksgiving Day?

What do you do with your change (coins) every day?

The Twitter Emitter

Buy stock in George Zimmerman lawyers…

— Political Line (@PoliticaILine) November 26, 2013

Paul Ryan: "Pope Francis wants the Catholic Church to be 'a missionary church focused on the poor'? No way! Jesus would never want that."

— Top Conservative Cat (@TeaPartyCat) November 27, 2013

"Hobby Lobby" is probably their secret name for the room where they keep their Gimp.

— David Waldman (@KagroX) November 27, 2013

Nothing quite says "I don't worship capitalism" like freaking out when the Pope says you worship capitalism.

— William K. Wolfrum (@Wolfrum) November 27, 2013

Limbaugh rejects Pope's call for “dignified work, education & health care” for all, asks sluts to send him sex-tapes 4 birth control instead

— The Daily Edge (@TheDailyEdge) November 27, 2013

At least Dayna Morales, the lying un-tipped New Jersey waitress, can take solace in the fact that Lara Logan still believes her.

— TBogg (@tbogg) November 27, 2013

Mitch McConnell: "If the Senate doesn't pass a resolution, the pardoning of turkeys will be unconsitutional under Advise & Consent Clause."

— Top Conservative Cat (@TeaPartyCat) November 27, 2013

When you see my face on a tortilla or a grilled cheese sandwich that means it’s my lunch, leave it alone.

— Jesus Christ (@Jesus_M_Christ) November 27, 2013

What does the Fox say? Ben Ben Ben Ben Ben Ghazi.

— Crutnacker (@Crutnacker) November 28, 2013

Next up on Fox News: We'll interview 10 death row inmates who claim innocence who are upset that Obama pardoned turkeys instead of them.

— Top Conservative Cat (@TeaPartyCat) November 28, 2013

Interrogatories

If you’re an old movie fan, which movie studio’s output (MGM, Warner, Paramount, RKO, etc.) your favorite?

Who was your favorite comedy team or troupe?

Are you obedient of the speed limit, even when traveling long distances? How many speeding tickets have you received?

What football teams are you rooting for today?

The Twitter Emitter

I am thankful for adjectives.

— David Lubar (@davidlubar) November 26, 2013

The South will rise again. But this time, the odds are it will accidentally shoot itself.

— David Waldman (@KagroX) November 26, 2013

@KagroX Why dont you ever tweet about the stories where people use guns to successfully defend themselves from bullet ricochets? #Bias

— Political Line (@PoliticaILine) November 26, 2013

If a zygote bypassing implantation inside a stranger keeps you up at night, but not hungry kids next door, you may be anti-choice #prochoice

— Liz (@childfreediva) November 27, 2013

What kind of vodka did the pilgrims drink at the first Thanksgiving?

— Kaili Joy Gray (@KailiJoy) November 27, 2013

I think we should have a public vote on whether to legalise cannabis. We could call it the 'Reefer-endum'.

— Adam Roberts (@arrroberts) November 27, 2013

What about MY first amendment rights to shame MY female employees? #tcot

— LOLGOP (@LOLGOP) November 27, 2013

Does America manufacture more outrage than any other product?

— Josh Greenman (@joshgreenman) November 27, 2013

Interrogatories

Have you ever been to the Macy’s Thanksgiving Parade? How about the Hollywood one? The Rose Parade? Any parades?

Did your family follow politics when you were growing up? Do you remember watching the conventions and debates with them as a child? What was that like?

Do you prefer things to be scented or unscented?

How worried are you about the Supreme Court’s ultimate decision over this religious exemption?

The Twitter Emitter

#ThanksgivingTips Be sure to yell when arguing about Obama with young, liberal relatives. First one to raise their voice wins the argument!

— Top Conservative Cat (@TeaPartyCat) November 26, 2013

Walmart could pay its employees a living wage if it would stop trying to make some of the richest Americans richer. http://t.co/esn92X6mnj

— LOLGOP (@LOLGOP) November 26, 2013

Obama's approval ratings fell again on news that he's trying to make healthcare affordable for all and prevent nuclear war.

— Top Conservative Cat (@TeaPartyCat) November 26, 2013

Must be hard to be a neocon at #Christmas. Having to cross PEACE off every card and scrawling WAR instead #WarOnChristmas

— The Daily Edge (@TheDailyEdge) November 26, 2013

Sobering to know in a few days you'll be sitting at the dinner table with family members who don't care if you die from lack of healthcare.

— eclecticbrotha (@eclecticbrotha) November 26, 2013

I don't care what the Supreme Court says, corporations should have the right to a religion when they also get the right to go to jail.

— glenn o'brien (@lordrochester) November 26, 2013

There is no war on Christmas, dammit, but the war on Thanxgiving is REAL. The impoverished in America have nothing to be thankful for.

— David (@ahzoov) November 26, 2013

Ted Cruz believes that life begins when your boss says it begins. http://t.co/pWeyNOYufc

— LOLGOP (@LOLGOP) November 26, 2013

Religious exemptions are the road back to feudalism.

— Brent S. Sirota (@BrentSirota) November 26, 2013

If the Supreme Court allows religion in the workplace first thing I'm doing start a religion where work is prohibited on Monday mornings…

— Political Line (@PoliticaILine) November 26, 2013

Interrogatories

Did you ever belong to a fraternity or sorority? If so, which one?

How do you prepare your Thanksgiving turkey (or tofurkey, or other alternative)?

Have you ever vacationed in an RV? Would you ever?

What are some of your favorite family expressions, exclamations, etc. that are rarely heard anywhere these days?

The Twitter Emitter

Q: How many leftists does it take to screw in a lightbulb? A: I'm really not sure lightbulb-installation should be our main priority.

— Benjamin Kunkel (@das_kunk) November 25, 2013

You may soon be able to use your cell on a plane. Which means I may soon be stuffing it into your lower intestine.

— Denis Leary (@denisleary) November 25, 2013

Hi, I'm offended at Martin Bashir's offensive comments about Sarah Palin's much much more offensive slavery comment which didn't offend me.

— John Fugelsang (@JohnFugelsang) November 25, 2013

Syeve Doocy thinks it's "curious timing" that Thanksgiving is coming just after the Iran deal so people will be encourage to feel thankful.

— Suzanne Munshower (@expatina) November 25, 2013

REMEMBER: We should let the people who want war set our foreign policy and those who don't care about the insured decide on health care.

— LOLGOP (@LOLGOP) November 25, 2013

Maybe the people pushing for war with Iran are actually trying to distract us from the fact they just cut food aid to 48 million people

— The Daily Edge (@TheDailyEdge) November 25, 2013

PREVIEW: Ted Cruz's alternative plan specifies that those who want health insurance should marry a banker with a good plan like he did.

— Top Conservative Cat (@TeaPartyCat) November 25, 2013

If I were president, I'd want John Bolton to be my advisor. Just do the opposite of what he says, and you can't go wrong.

— Frank Vdl (@fvdlfvdl) November 25, 2013

Powerful Winter Storm Providing Plausible Excuse Material

— pourmecoffee (@pourmecoffee) November 26, 2013