Motley Moose – Archive

Interrogatories

Do you watch, attend, or participate in any kind of pet shows? Have you ever? How about the 4H club?

What subject did you dislike in school but like now?

Do you prefer solitude, or do you like to have lots of people around?

The Twitter Emitter

It's the most STFU time of the year.

— Andrew Figgy Gatto (@AndrewGatto) December 26, 2013

These republican men are such obstructionists, I'll bet they wake up with morning wouldn't.

— Lizz Winstead (@lizzwinstead) December 26, 2013

Palin:"I haven't read Phil Robertson's interview, but I know he's the victim. I haven't met Manti Te'o's girlfriend, but I know she's nice."

— Top Conservative Cat (@TeaPartyCat) December 26, 2013

My marriage increases in value every time some one new recognizes that marriage is a universal human right #utpol

— Gen JC Xtian patriot (@JC_Christian) December 26, 2013

If you mashed up Deliverance with The Hills Have Eyes, and put it on a boat, you'd get the upcoming Duck Dynasty cruise.

— TBogg (@tbogg) December 26, 2013

Hey Rick Perry and Greg Abbot! Once Wendy Davis makes you unemployed she'll make sure you get benefits

— Peter Flom (@peterflom) December 27, 2013

No gift receipt with this myrrh. Fucking great.

— Jesus Christ (@Jesus_M_Christ) December 27, 2013

Can we get President Obama to end the national nightmare of Michael Bolton by signing the Honda Accords?

— CrutnackerNutcracker (@Crutnacker) December 27, 2013

Amid dismal ratings, reports are surfacing that RNC may replace David Gregory as host of Meet the Press #MTP

— The Daily Edge (@TheDailyEdge) December 27, 2013

Interrogatories

Have you ever attended the funeral of a deceased public figure? If so, who?

Do you still write thank you notes?

Have you ever written anything in wet cement? Carved anything on a tree?

Do you have any brand loyalties? Examples?

The Twitter Emitter

When same sex marriage inevitably becomes legal, the right can focus on fighting abortion by supporting policies that increase abortions.

— LOLGOP (@LOLGOP) December 22, 2013

If he only knew God would turn into a capitalist who thought the poor were malingerers, Satan may never have left heaven in the first place.

— William K. Wolfrum (@Wolfrum) December 23, 2013

Biblical scholars say that Jesus' actual birthday took place in March and that he and Ayn Rand didn't have a son that they named Reagan.

— LOLGOP (@LOLGOP) December 25, 2013

Ted Cruz told his family he was glad to be home from Washington for Christmas. "It's tiring being a senator AND Speaker of the House."

— Top Conservative Cat (@TeaPartyCat) December 26, 2013

Being lied to is always cheaper than doing something.

— William K. Wolfrum (@Wolfrum) December 26, 2013

Sarah Palin: "Some guy just told me 'Feliz Navidad'. Not even 'Happy holidays'. This #WarOnChristmas is worse than I thought."

— Top Conservative Cat (@TeaPartyCat) December 26, 2013

Homophobia is a sacred union between a man and a bible.

— God (@TheTweetOfGod) December 26, 2013

Christmas is over, now please join me in eating candy and worrying about the future.

— kara vallow (@teenagesleuth) December 26, 2013

Bonus Christmas Video

Interrogatories

Did you get anything good today? What was it?

What’s for dinner?

What was in your stocking? Or what did you put in the kid’s stockings?

Is this a religious holiday for you or a secular holiday?

Is that a real tree or a fake tree?

The Twitter Emitter

NORAD just shot down Santa after intercepting a delivery to Edward Snowden.

— CrutnackerNutcracker (@Crutnacker) December 25, 2013

Obviously Santa Claus could never do what he does without direct access to all our metadata.

— Charles Johnson (@Green_Footballs) December 24, 2013

People on the left are happier because being consumed with rage and fear is not pleasant.

— Chris Dashiell (@cdashiell) December 22, 2013

Obama announcing he will open the Strategic Outrage Reserve to help with the new culture wars.

— pourmecoffee (@pourmecoffee) December 20, 2013

If we keep punishing people for saying terrible things, people will have to start thinking before they speak. And we just can't have that.

— William K. Wolfrum (@Wolfrum) December 20, 2013

Imagine if the people who are so worried about "traditional marriage" cared about "traditional climate."

— LOLGOP (@LOLGOP) December 22, 2013

Every novel is a mystery novel if you never finish it

— Megan Amram (@meganamram) December 22, 2013

48 hours later, and thousands of Utah residents shocked to find their heterosexual marriages still safely intact.

— John Fugelsang (@JohnFugelsang) December 25, 2013

If your only argument against same-sex marriage is that it threatens your marriage, that's actually an argument against your marriage.

— LOLGOP (@LOLGOP) December 25, 2013

Interrogatories

Do you have a big day planned for tomorrow? Are you staying put or going somewhere?

Did you get anyone a gift that you can’t wait for them to open?

How good were you at manipulating your parents? Any examples? How good are your kids at manipulating you (or nieces and nephews, if you don’t have kids)?

Did you get your pets anything for Christmas?

The Twitter Emitter

Using the government to silence people is oppression. Boycotting a business because someone said something stupid publicly is capitalism.

— Will McAvoy (@WillMcAvoyACN) December 20, 2013

Will my new plan cover Fox-induced head-desk injuries?

— Ana Marie Cox (@anamariecox) December 20, 2013

There's a couple weeks left, But I think "What does the fox say?" goes down as question of the year.

— William K. Wolfrum (@Wolfrum) December 20, 2013

Suddenly these Duck Dynasty lace doilies seem awkward.

— CrutnackerNutcracker (@Crutnacker) December 22, 2013

Whoa, there’s a new “Anchorman” movie? Why didn’t they do any promotion for it?

— daveweigel (@daveweigel) December 22, 2013

Who came up with the rule that a viewpoint is supposed to be respected just because the holder declares it to be a religious one?

— Josh Barro (@jbarro) December 22, 2013

Bad news: New Duck Dynasty episodes will include Phil Robertson. Worse news: There are new Duck Dynasty episodes.

— The Night Stalker (@kolchak) December 22, 2013

Cracker Barrel CEO: "We said we'd stop carrying Phil Robertson's products, but turns out all our customers are bigots, so never mind."

— Top Conservative Cat (@TeaPartyCat) December 22, 2013

Sorry, kids, but Santa isn't bringing you anything because your parents are unemployed. Next time pick better parents.

— Top Conservative Cat (@TeaPartyCat) December 23, 2013

Early Christmas gift is Very Serious Newscasters having to say "Pussy Riot," thank you Santa.

— pourmecoffee (@pourmecoffee) December 24, 2013

Interrogatories

When you go to sleep on the night before Christmas, are those visions of sugarplums dancing in your head, or something else? What?

Have you ever been discriminated against on the job by an employer?

It’s National Roots Day. Tell me about your roots. Are they in need of a touch up? Perhaps they are invasive and getting into the plumbing. Perhaps you are spending too much time on ancestry.com? Or maybe there is a team you are rooting for?

Did you ever, in your life, get addicted to a soap opera?

The Twitter Emitter

#YouMightBeARepublican if you wanted Bashir fired for offending Palin w/facts but Phil Robertson forgiven for insulting millions w/bigotry

— The Daily Edge (@TheDailyEdge) December 20, 2013

The ten most terrifying words in the English language are, 'I'm Paul Ryan and I'm here to help the poors.'

— LOLGOP (@LOLGOP) December 20, 2013

Is it too ridiculous to pray that we’re close to the end of America’s redneck fetish?

— ¡socratic! (@socratic) December 20, 2013

George Zimmerman will have to shoot another black child if he wants to prevent #DuckDynasty guy from replacing him as GOP conv keynote #tcot

— Gen JC Xtian patriot (@JC_Christian) December 20, 2013

Phil Robertson recommends "12 Years A Slave" because sometimes you just want to see a movie where the folks onscreen are having fun.

— Bonnie McFarlane (@bonniemcfarlane) December 20, 2013

BREAKING: Standoff at Macy's as Ted Cruz is blocking checkout line and refusing to move until Obama agrees to repeal Obamacare.

— Top Conservative Cat (@TeaPartyCat) December 20, 2013

First they came for the 67-year old bearded Southerners with antiquated beliefs, and I said nothing, because zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

— daveweigel (@daveweigel) December 20, 2013

Target may be bad but lots of hacking at Walmart as well. It's the lung of the guy in front of me buying cigarettes and Vienna Sausages.

— CrutnackerNutcracker (@Crutnacker) December 20, 2013

I feel bad for Conservatives choosing sides between gay bashing and capitalism. Must be like picking a favorite child. #DuckDynasty

— DadNeedsADrink (@DadNeedsADrink) December 20, 2013

If it whines like a duck, bitches like a duck and is bigoted like a duck then it's a wingnut.

— kara vallow (@teenagesleuth) December 20, 2013

Interrogatories

If we had to let one state secede, if only to show them how bad things would be for them, which state would you choose?

Do you ever go caroling? Do you get carolers where you live?

How many pairs of shoes do you own? Do you need any more?

If you could have back one attribute of your youth, what would it be?

The Twitter Emitter

Breaking: A shocked A&E suspends Duck Dynasty star for anti-Gay slurs. Also apologizes a guy died in the A&E reality show "Let's Kill a Guy"

— William K. Wolfrum (@Wolfrum) December 19, 2013

Peggy Noonan: "I'm giving framed columns where I compare the current president to Reagan for Christmas. Everyone got a different one!"

— Top Conservative Cat (@TeaPartyCat) December 19, 2013

"They are arguing over what color Santa is. They are not ready." — Aliens watching us and deciding not to make First Contact

— pourmecoffee (@pourmecoffee) December 19, 2013

It seems like putting Alec Baldwin on Duck Dynasty for a weeks would be the fairest punishment for everyone.

— LOLGOP (@LOLGOP) December 19, 2013

What I've learned today: Sarah Palin thinks the Constitution protects the right to have a reality TV franchise. I'm off to drink now.

— Chris Lehmann (@lehmannchris) December 19, 2013

Sarah Palin: "Criticizing Phil Robertson is intolerant. Free speech includes everything, people. Everything but insults against me."

— Top Conservative Cat (@TeaPartyCat) December 20, 2013

You have a constitutionally-protected right to verbally express your complete misunderstanding of your constitutionally-protected rights.

— God (@TheTweetOfGod) December 20, 2013

Interrogatories

Are there any pets in your neighborhood that you wish would move out?

What is your greatest vice? Greatest virtue?

What category of book do you own the most of?

What smells, for you, mark each season?

The Twitter Emitter

There are people on “Duck Dynasty”? I thought it was like Meerkat Manor for mallards.

— Teresa Kopec (@TeresaKopec) December 19, 2013

I give America credit. Even complete idiots who have no clue what free speech even means have the right to speak freely.

— William K. Wolfrum (@Wolfrum) December 19, 2013

It Christians today just ranted about the rich, the religious hierarchy & divorcees as Jesus did, they wouldn't get or lose reality shows.

— LOLGOP (@LOLGOP) December 19, 2013

Sad Duck Dynasty fans playing and rewinding Ned Beatty piggy scene in Deliverance in order to get their hillbilly fix. #NoPhilNoShow

— TBogg (@tbogg) December 19, 2013

I'm sick of you all violating my first amendment right to a reality show.

— LOLGOP (@LOLGOP) December 19, 2013

Hating people is a lifestyle choice.

— God (@TheTweetOfGod) December 19, 2013

Supporters of Duck Dynasty guy to wear camo tomorrow in solidarity which will make the lines at Walmart appear to be a lot shorter.

— TBogg (@tbogg) December 19, 2013

You would think by now people would understand that free speech doesn't mean freedom of consequences from the words you speak.

— Will McAvoy (@WillMcAvoyACN) December 19, 2013

I genuinely don't remember making you all this stupid.

— God (@TheTweetOfGod) December 19, 2013

Interrogatories

Have you ever been to a performance of “Nutcracker,” or is it a yearly TV viewing experience for your family?

Do you ever bake cookies or other foods as gifts? What kinds?

What magazines did your family subscribe to when you were growing up? Which were your favorites, and why?

What is the most boring sport?

The Twitter Emitter

So cute to watch Republicans line up to tell Santa what they want in exchange for the debt ceiling.

— LOLGOP (@LOLGOP) December 17, 2013

By the way, Marxists don't believe in God, so unless you're arguing that the Pope is atheist, shut the fuck up morons.

— Chris Dashiell (@cdashiell) December 17, 2013

Paul Ryan suggest tying debt ceiling vote to Keystone XL: "Sometimes the politicians the Kochs own have to blackmail the ones they don't"

— The Daily Edge (@TheDailyEdge) December 17, 2013

Maybe the Brazilians will be able to tell us what happened in Benghazi.

— kara vallow (@teenagesleuth) December 18, 2013

Mega Millions is $636 million, which sounds like a lot, though the Koch brothers would point out that it's not enough to buy an election.

— Top Conservative Cat (@TeaPartyCat) December 18, 2013

Egalitarianism isn't for everyone.

— Mr Roger Quimbly (@RogerQuimbly) December 16, 2013

REMINDER: The best way to help Sarah Palin take the commercialization out of Christmas is to not buy her book

— The Daily Edge (@TheDailyEdge) December 17, 2013

BREAKING: Shia LaBeouf hired as Sen. Rand Paul's head speech writer

— Rex Huppke (@RexHuppke) December 17, 2013

HBO inks deal w/Peter Jackson to turn "The Old Man and the Sea" into a 12-part miniseries. To include an octopus, pirates, & a whirlpool.

— Alex Parker (@AlexParkerDC) December 17, 2013

SOYLENT GREEN IS HUMAN RESOURCES

— Amy Phillips Bursch (@APBBlue) December 17, 2013

Pat Buchanan's a self-identified "paleoconservative", but is he thinking dinosaur or trilobite? Trilobites think dinosaurs are Marxist.

— William Gibson (@GreatDismal) December 17, 2013

Interrogatories

Do you have any annual celebrations that aren’t on the mainstream radar? Besides your own birthday, that is.

Do you consider yourself patriotic? How patriotic? Love it or leave it, or change it or lose it?

Did you start to misbehave in class when the teacher left the room, or were you a virtuous child? What sort of things did you get up to?

What is your favorite book store, and why?

The Twitter Emitter

He knows when you've been sleeping. He knows when you're awake. He's an X-Box Kinect, basically.

— @midnight (@midnight) December 16, 2013

One year, Erwin Schrödinger was my Secret Santa. That was a Christmas to remember! #DontOpenTheBox

— Jeff Tiedrich (@jefftiedrich) December 16, 2013

Fascinating how financial interests can force a reevaluation of closely held principles.

— Neil deGrasse Tyson (@neiltyson) December 17, 2013

Meanwhile the Mars Rover tweeted "How cute it is that China managed to get a rover all the way to the Moon."

— Top Conservative Cat (@TeaPartyCat) December 17, 2013

Chris Christie claims NSA responsible for lane closings on GWB.

— Lizz Winstead (@lizzwinstead) December 17, 2013

Christmas. When billions of Christians celebrate the birthday of a Jew on a day picked by pagans.

— LOLGOP (@LOLGOP) December 17, 2013

Racism is something you learn. But there are a nearly infinite number of teachers out there ready to give you lessons.

— William K. Wolfrum (@Wolfrum) December 17, 2013

Paul Ryan vows the GOP will "get something" for raising the debt ceiling: "I'm hoping for a Presidential proclamation that Santa is white"

— The Daily Edge (@TheDailyEdge) December 17, 2013

I think Obama should troll everyone and put his presidential library in Kenya

— Ben Jacobs (@Bencjacobs) December 17, 2013

REMINDER: A good Republican never says Happy Holidays to a senior whose Meals on Wheels have been cut. The correct term is "Merry Christmas"

— The Daily Edge (@TheDailyEdge) December 17, 2013

George Zimmerman's painting is actually of the same dog in George W. Bush's painting, except no longer posing a threat to the neighborhood.

— Top Conservative Cat (@TeaPartyCat) December 17, 2013

Interrogatories

What is your favorite thing to dip in chocolate?

What’s the biggest earthquake you ever felt?

Did anyone ever give you a stupid toy? What was it?

Are you re-gifting anything this year? What is it?

The Twitter Emitter

Her only mistake was not making the surprise album available for download exclusively on the Obamacare website. #Beyonce

— currageous (@currageous) December 13, 2013

I believe we can credit the Barenaked Ladies' "If I Had $1,000,000" for the existence of pre-wrapped, shelf-stable bacon.

— Jeff Fecke (@jkfecke) December 13, 2013

It's ironic, really, that the people most paranoid about losing their freedoms think so many of us shouldn't have many.

— Suzanne Munshower (@expatina) December 15, 2013

What if the Megyn Kelly thing was brilliant cross marketing for A Madea Christmas?

— Jesse Taylor (@jesseltaylor) December 15, 2013

I'm on the Seattle to NYC flight and TSA just pulled someone off the plane for not wearing black.

— John Fugelsang (@JohnFugelsang) December 15, 2013

FACT: Putting "FACT" before a tweet does not make it a fact.

— Peter Flom (@peterflom) December 15, 2013

How dare the Pope attack people’s religious beliefs! And by religious beliefs I mean trickle down economics.

— Frank Vdl (@fvdlfvdl) December 15, 2013

You're only as old as you feel. Provided you feel exactly your age.

— William K. Wolfrum (@Wolfrum) December 15, 2013