Welcome to the Wayback Machine, a sporadically recurring diary series for Motley Moose. The Wayback Machine revisits diaries of days gone by…a peek into our moosely past. The original diary will be linked to, and reposted in full, but, with a fresh comment thread. If you have requests for the Wayback Machine, use the ‘Contact the Moose’ link at the bottom of the page and let us know your ideas.
Today’s trip down memory lane takes us to a Kysen diary from January 2010. His thoughtfully titled ‘I Don’t Know What To Call This’ includes a tongue and cheek look at some of the more ‘interesting’ teachings from the Bible. It seemed like some perfectly cheeky fare for this lazy Sunday.
As someone somewhere once said: “you can’t know where you are going without knowing first where you have been”
So, join us for a look back….
I started this diary a couple months back when the ‘Prayer for Obama’ stickers first hit Rightwinger bumpers coast to coast.
Before I got anywhere near finished, the two online distributors I was railing against (Zazzle and CafePress) pulled the offensive merchandise from their virtual shelves. I no longer had windmills to joust at. What had originally started as a diary on Rightwing hatred soon morphed into a fairly random collection of bible verses. I entertained myself for a while with it…then set it on the backburner as a rather discombobulated mess.
It was the theological discussion that broke out in the Haitian Earthquake diary that reminded me of it and prompted me to tinker with it a bit. Well, I tinkered with it….and it is still pretty much a discombobulated mess…but, here it is…do with it what you will.
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The ‘Prayer for Obama’ bumperstickers hit late last year. They were just another example of the out of control Rightwing hatred that has become so common of late. While under the guise of ‘good Christian’ sentiment, a hateful and perhaps dangerous message was being spread. What is so bad about offering a Prayer for Obama? Well, the prayer offered is far from what one would call Christ like.
“Pray for Obama.”
A kind and generous statement.
Or is it?
A crop of bumper stickers and T-shirts emblazoned with that call to prayer for the president have appeared for sale recently online through make-it-yourself outlets such as Zazzle.com and CafePress.com. And most of the “Pray for Obama” slogans are accompanied by a scripture reference: “Psalm 109:8.”
In the New International Version translations, that verse reads;
May his days be few; may another take his place of leadership.
Aha! So, they’re praying for Obama’s tenure to be a short one. Fair enough. But what does that really mean?
A clue may be in the verses of the 109th Psalm that follow verse 8:
May his children be fatherless and his wife a widow.
May his children be wandering beggars; may they be driven from their ruined homes.
May a creditor seize all he has; may strangers plunder the fruits of his labor.
May no one extend kindness to him or take pity on his fatherless children.
May his descendants be cut off, their names blotted out from the next generation.
May the iniquity of his fathers be remembered before the Lord; may the sin of his mother never be blotted out.
May their sins always remain before the Lord, that he may cut off the memory of them from the earth.In that context, are these folks actually urging us to pray for Obama’s death?
(The crashing sound you just heard may have been Jesus hurling his stapler across the office in frustration.)
These ‘prayerful’ wishes are only one example of what seems to have become accepted behavior by the Right. It is now ok to openly pray for the President’s death..for his downfall. Oy vey. While seemingly benign (I mean, come on, they are ‘just’ bumperstickers!), it is further evidence of a deeper problem. The Obama haters are breaking records…and not good ones.
The unprecedented number of death threats against President Obama, a rise in racist hate groups, and a new wave of antigovernment fervor threaten to overwhelm the US Secret Service, according to government officials and reports, raising new questions about the 144-year-old agency’s overall mission.
_____________________“The service’s protection mission has increased and become more urgent, due to the increase in terrorist threats and expanded arsenal of weapons that terrorists could use in an assassination attempt or attacks on facilities,” according to the congressional report.
The domestic threat is also growing, fueled in part by Obama’s election as the nation’s first black president, according to specialists who study homegrown radical movements.
Obama, who was given Secret Service protection 18 months before the election – the earliest ever for a presidential candidate – has been the target of more threats since his inauguration than his predecessors.
Two days before Obama’s appearance at San Francisco fund-raisers on Thursday, a 59-year-old Northern California man was indicted on charges of sending a racist, profanity-filled e-mail threatening to kill Obama and his family. The rambling e-mail included specific references to Michelle Obama and the phrase, “do it to his children and family first in front of him,” according to the indictment.
While the threats continue, the Prayer for Obama Bumperstickers have faded. Both in memory, and on the dirty bumpers upon which they reside.
But it got me to thinking…..
A couple Prayers of my own:
5 If only you would be altogether silent! For you, that would be wisdom.
1 Now listen, you rich people, weep and wail because of the misery that is coming upon you. 2 Your wealth has rotted, and moths have eaten your clothes. 3 Your gold and silver are corroded. Their corrosion will testify against you and eat your flesh like fire. You have hoarded wealth in the last days. 4 Look! The wages you failed to pay the workmen who mowed your fields are crying out against you. The cries of the harvesters have reached the ears of the Lord Almighty. 5 You have lived on earth in luxury and self-indulgence. You have fattened yourselves in the day of slaughter.
A few interesting verses:
This is just….special:
19 Yet she became more and more promiscuous as she recalled the days of her youth, when she was a prostitute i
n Egypt. 20 There she lusted after her lovers, whose genitals were like those of donkeys and whose emission was like that of horses.
(Ezekiel 23:19-20)
The penis (‘P’ Word!) is pretty important:
11 If two men are fighting and the wife of one of them comes to rescue her husband from his assailant, and she reaches out and seizes him by his private parts, 12 you shall cut off her hand. Show her no pity.
(Deuteronomy 25:11-12)1 No one who has been emasculated by crushing or cutting may enter the assembly of the LORD.
(Deuteronomy 23:1)
Women…same as it ever was (/ducks):
19 Better to live in a desert than with a quarrelsome and ill-tempered wife.
(Proverbs 21:19)15 A quarrelsome wife is like a constant dripping on a rainy day;16 restraining her is like restraining the wind or grasping oil with the hand.
(Proverbs 27:15-16)
Bored to death:
9 Seated in a window was a young man named Eutychus, who was sinking into a deep sleep as Paul talked on and on. When he was sound asleep, he fell to the ground from the third story and was picked up dead.
(Acts 20:9)
Give your roadkill to aliens:
21 Do not eat anything you find already dead. You may give it to an alien living in any of your towns, and he may eat it, or you may sell it to a foreigner.
(Deuteronomy 14:21)
A few inconsistencies:
But anyone who says ‘You fool!’ will be in danger of the fire of hell.” (Jesus)
(Matthew 5:22)VS.
“You fools!” (Jesus)
(Luke 11:40)“You blind fools!” (Jesus)
(Matthew 23:17)“How foolish you are” (Jesus)
(Luke 24:25)“But God said to him, ‘You fool!’ ” (Jesus)
(Luke 12:20)“You foolish Galatians!” (St. Paul)
(Galatians 3:1)“You foolish man”
(James 2:20)
And Jesus said, “For judgement I am come into this world.”
(John 9:39)VS.
“I came not to judge the world”
(John 12:47)
“Jacob said, ‘I have seen God face to face, and my life is preserved.'”
(Genesis 32:30)VS.
“No man hath seen God at any time.”
(John 1:18)
“For I am merciful, saith the Lord, and I will not keep anger forever.”
(Jeremiah 3:12)VS.
“Ye have kindled a fire in mine anger, which shall burn forever.”
(Jeremiah 17:4)
Which Creation story do creationists believe?:
IN GENESIS there are two contradictory stories of creation.
**In Genesis 1:20 & 21, “every living creature” is brought forth from the waters, including every winged fowl.” But in 2:19 God brings forth “every beast of the field and every fowl of the air” from dry ground.
**In Genesis 1:2, earth comes into existence on the first day, completely underwater. Only by the 3rd day were waters of the deep collected, and dry land formed. But in Genesis 2:4, 5, & 6, earth on the first day was dry land, sans water.
**The first story has trees made on the 3rd day and man formed 3 days later (1:12-13 and 26-31). In the second version man was made before trees (2:7, 9). If chapter 1 is true, then fowls were created before man. If chapter 2 is true, then they were created after man.
**Version one teaches man was created after all beasts. The second is clear, Adam was created before beasts. (1:25,27 versus 2:7,19).
**In version one, man and woman are created simultaneously (1:27) while in version two (2:7,20-22), man and woman are separate acts of creation
Confusing, no?
The Bible has a disclaimer:
Mark 16
The Resurrection
1 When the Sabbath was over, Mary Magdalene, Mary the mother of James, and Salome bought spices so that they might go to anoint Jesus’ body. 2 Very early on the first day of the week, just after sunrise, they were on their way to the tomb 3 and they asked each other, “Who will roll the stone away from the entrance of the tomb?”
4 But when they looked up, they saw that the stone, which was very large, had been rolled away. 5 As they entered the tomb, they saw a young man dressed in a white robe sitting on the right side, and they were alarmed.
6 “Don’t be alarmed,” he said. “You are looking for Jesus the Nazarene, who was crucified. He has risen! He is not here. See the place where they laid him. 7 But go, tell his disciples and Peter, ‘He is going ahead of you into Galilee. There you will see him, just as he told you.’ ”
8 Trembling and bewildered, the women went out and fled from the tomb. They said nothing to anyone, because they were afraid.
((The most reliable early manuscripts and other ancient witnesses do not have Mark 16:9-20.))
9 When Jesus rose early on the first day of the week, he appeared first to Mary Magdalene, out of whom he had driven seven demons. 10 She went and told those who had been with him and who were mourning and weeping. 11When they heard that Jesus was alive and that she had seen him, they did not believe it.
12Afterward Jesus appeared in a different form to two of them while they were walking in the country. 13These returned and reported it to the r
est; but they did not believe them either.
14 Later Jesus appeared to the Eleven as they were eating; he rebuked them for their lack of faith and their stubborn refusal to believe those who had seen him after he had risen.
15 He said to them, “Go into all the world and preach the good news to all creation. 16 Whoever believes and is baptized will be saved, but whoever does not believe will be condemned. 17And these signs will accompany those who believe: In my name they will drive out demons; they will speak in new tongues; 18they will pick up snakes with their hands; and when they drink deadly poison, it will not hurt them at all; they will place their hands on sick people, and they will get well.”
19 After the Lord Jesus had spoken to them, he was taken up into heaven and he sat at the right hand of God. 20 Then the disciples went out and preached everywhere, and the Lord worked with them and confirmed his word by the signs that accompanied it.
So, not only does the ‘extended version’ of Mark contain language that is unlike the rest of the text in style and vocabulary, verses 9-20 were not even found in the earliest reliable manuscripts of the book.
Note that the verses not found in ‘the most reliable texts’ are the very same verses that the most strident evangelicals hold most dear. Driving out demons, speaking in tongues, picking up snakes, etc. are the ‘signs’ of a ‘true believer’. IMO, they are the verses that most feed into what ‘I’ consider extremist christian beliefs…and the ones that are clung to by those most intent on condemning anyone who does not agree with their beliefs to the fiery pits. The infallible word of God…a Disclaimer…who’da thunk it?
And, that, my friends….is all I have to say.
Don’t know how to end it either.
The End.
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