POMPANO BEACH: Progressive blogger, The National Gadfly was arrested today outside the West Side Tattoo parlor by Broward County Sheriff’s deputies. Only 30 minutes after a hastily convened grand jury issued an indictment and arrest warrant for The Gadfly, authorities were able to locate the known troublemaker and malcontent via a tip from an estranged lover. Broward County District Attorney Gloria Stevens acted quickly to convene the grand jury after her office was informed of The National Gadfly’s presence in Florida was confirmed.
(Cross-posted at The National Gadfly)
The DA’s office issued a statement today, announcing that The Gadfly was sought for being the alleged mastermind of an international counterfeit ring. This ring has printed and sold phony vehicle registration stickers, city stickers and parking permits. They have flooded the market with the fakes and thus crippled municipalities like Chicago, Rome, Tokyo and Barstow. Authorities estimate the annual sales of these counterfeit stickers to total in the millions of dollars, yen, rupees and lira. The cost to each city in lost revenue from the sales of legitimate stickers and the lost revenue from tickets and summons for violators is immeasurable.
Local authorities first became aware of The National Gadfly during a spate of graffiti crimes that terrified men’s room attendants in Miami nightclubs in 1984. Goat’s blood began appearing spattered in bathrooms of popular nightclube in Miami’s Deco district and in certain stalls of the Miami International Airport. The signature of this crime was the term “Death Rides A Pale Caprine”, written in blood and signed with a Jolly Roger.
The National Gadfly has openly challenged curb taxes across the planet, claiming that
“The only differences between a common thief and an official at City Hall are pension and health plans.”
Although not directly involved with known protest organizations that regularly disrupt international conferences of the World Bank, G20, WTO and RIAA, The National Gadfly has been positively identified in photographs taken of crowds outside these events. These photographs show The Gadfly in his signature gesture of picking his nose and often were taken mere minutes before large scale demonstrations erupted into violence.
District Atty. Stevens pointed out in her statement that the very cities that have witnessed these protests, all experienced a huge spike in counterfeit sticker sales in the weeks leading up to the conferences and riots. Stevens asserted that The National Gadfly was in Pompano Beach today because the city is a finalist to host the 2010 Wealth Hoarding Conference. Stevens claimed that several sources approached her office with information that The National Gadfly was in town to scout this event, obtain copies of legitimate parking stickers, license plates stickers and taxi cab receipts as source materials for counterfeit.
Asked what The National Gadfly was doing in the tattoo parlor at the time of his arrest, District Attorney Stevens replied,
“He was having the word “Defenestration” removed from his left testicle”
No further information was given.
Approximately one hour later, The National Gadfly appeared before a judge for arraignment with a legal team comprised of several attorneys that normally serve as in-house counsel for The Teamsters. They announced that they have taken an indefinite leave of absence from their current duties, to act as pro-bono defense counsel for The National Gadfly.
Judge Clement Norwood set bail at $500,000 and The National Gadfly was ordered to surrender his passport. Bail was posted in cash. A request was made by District Attorney Stevens, to freeze the assets of The National Gadfly. This may be difficult to insure, as The Gadfly’s legal residence is listed as a bathroom stall in the Minneapolis airport. Judge Norwood set a court date of October 15, 2009 for jury selection to begin and November 14 for a trial start date.
Broward County courts records are public domain, so the trial of The National Gadfly will be aired on Court TV. According to Lisa Michalski, Sr. VP of Marketing at Court TV,
This trial will be the media circus to rule them all. It’s a ‘perfect storm’ of the worst elements of the Pulitzer divorce, the OJ Simpson trial and the Nuremburg trials. Imagine those three events taking place in a crowded courtoom without airconditioning, 100 miles up the Amazon river, broadcast live – and you have begun to glimpse what this fiasco will mean to our ratings and pop culture.
– gadfly
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