Motley Moose – Archive

Interrogatories

Do you smoke? If not now, did you ever? How hard was it to quit?

What living person do you most admire?

What is the most overrated virtue?

If you were to die and come back as a person or thing, what do you think it would be?

If you could choose what to come back as, would it be the same?

The Twitter Emitter

Conservatives urge the poor to have lots of kids so they can keep them economically desperate & then exploit them as cheap labor & soldiers

— Tom Wellborn (@TLW3) May 30, 2013

I do agree with @ewerickson that men and women should play ‘complimentary roles’. Praising each other all the time sounds great!

— Danielle(@DCPlod) May 30, 2013

I have to admit, fundies like Erick Erickson do make me question my belief in evolution. Just not the way they intend.

— Danielle(@DCPlod) May 30, 2013

So, @senjohnmccain says he can tell good people from bad. Yeah. This is the guy who picked Palin!

— Peter Flom (@peterflom) May 30, 2013

Michele Bachmann once tried to convert to Buddhism but the Dalai Lama felt she was already too Empty.

— John Fugelsang (@JohnFugelsang) May 30, 2013

Airplanes have now banned tweezers. I think anyone who can hijack a plane with tweezers deserves the plane.

— Grumpy Cat(@ItsTheGrumpyCat) May 30, 2013

My social media consultant says I need to do a better job using hashtags. #FuckThatGuy

— God (@TheTweetOfGod) May 30, 2013

The name CONstitution sounds so negative. Since ‘pro’ is the opposite of ‘con’ shouldn’t we call it prosti…..oh wait. OK.

— Bill Murray (@BiIIMurray) May 30, 2013

I think Erick Erickson has confused the ability to eat cheese and belch the National Anthem with being an alpha male.

— Larry Madill (@larrymadill) May 30, 2013

How to tell your theories about what women should be allowed to do are outdated: You have theories about what women should be allowed to do.

— pourmecoffee (@pourmecoffee) May 30, 2013

Interrogatories

Croissants – plain, filled, sweet?

What is your idea of perfect happiness?

What commonplace personal habit do you find most annoying?

What habit do you have that you wish you didn’t have?

What is your greatest extravagance?

The Twitter Emitter

@lolgop The modern GOP has the same relationship to Reagan they do to Christ. Both beliefs are highly redacted versions of the originals.

— Jaye Simms (@Missjayette) May 28, 2013

Rick Perry: “The tree of liberty must be watered from time to time with the blood of uninsured poor people.”

— Top Conservative Cat (@TeaPartyCat) May 28, 2013

See what you’ve done Minnesota? You legalise gay marriage and now it’s destroyed Michele Bachmann’s Congressional career. FOR SHAME.

— Danielle(@DCPlod) May 29, 2013

In my other prayer to Satan, Bachman’s husband marries Lindsay Graham

— Cranston Snord (@BostonSnob) May 29, 2013

Michele Bachmann will leave congress to star in the new NBC drama “Law And Order: HPV”

— Lizz Winstead (@lizzwinstead) May 29, 2013

“Who will protect us now from Census workers using Sharia law to kill us with homosexual Obamacare?” nym.ag/132JG2J

— wizardkitten (@wizardkitten) May 29, 2013

Stand with Michelle – it’s a No Brainer.

— rootless (@root_e) May 29, 2013

Michele Bachmann leaving congress to spend more time praying away her husband’s gay. @ryannewyork:

— A. Deno Vir, MD PhD (@Adenovir) May 29, 2013

“Today I am even more concerned about our country’s future than I have ever been in the past.” So, I quit. -Michele Bachmann

— Anne C. Savage (@Anne_Savage) May 29, 2013

Will be great to get Michelle Bachmann off government sustenance. We’ve supported her long enough.#p2 #ctl #topprog #tcot #tlot #teaparty

— ÐiegoUK (@DiegoUK) May 29, 2013

Yeah, but how bitchin’ a rendition of “Let the Eagle Soar” can James Comey sing?

— WeeLaura (@WeeLaura) May 30, 2013

Interrogatories

What was your first pet?

Do you compost at all? (Even some cities have composting programs.)

Do you do anything to keep fit?

What song is in your head right now (if none, what was the most recent one)?

Comfort or style?

The Twitter Emitter

On thre plus side, the infrastructure literally exploding out from under us is a big win for those of us who refuse to leave the house.

— kara vallow (@teenagesleuth) May 26, 2013

We trust you with your guns on campus, but not your votes.

— David Waldman (@KagroX) May 27, 2013

John McCain met with the Syrian rebels for a few hours and is now prepared to make a big choice. When has this process ever gone wrong?

— LOLGOP (@LOLGOP) May 27, 2013

The question is no longer “What kind of world are you leaving for your children?” but “Why even bother having children?”

— God (@TheTweetOfGod) May 27, 2013

Ghosts sit around the campfire and tell Mike Tyson stories.

— Touré (@Toure) May 28, 2013

Obama made Nate Silver buy crack from Hitler during Benghazi & both sides are equally to blame, but it’s fixable with a charm offensive.

— David Waldman (@KagroX) May 28, 2013

If ignorance is bliss, why is the world so unhappy?

— God (@TheTweetOfGod) May 28, 2013

John McCain: “I met with rebels in Syria yesterday, but don’t worry, they promised me none of them were in Al Qaeda.”

— Top Conservative Cat (@TeaPartyCat) May 28, 2013

How much is it costing us for John McCain to wander around Syria?

— Tom Wellborn (@TLW3) May 28, 2013

A diamond is merely a lump of coal that did well under pressure.

— Alan Colmes (@AlanColmes) May 28, 2013

Was John McCain high on cocaine while in Syria? Well, it DOES rhyme, so the theory has THAT going for it.

— David Waldman (@KagroX) May 28, 2013

McCain Captivates Syrian Rebels With “Old Man” Stories And Juggling.

— Tom Wellborn (@TLW3) May 28, 2013

Interrogatories

Oceans, lakes, or rivers (best bodies of water)?

How long does it take you to get ready to go out?

What is your favorite war movie?

When you die, do you want to be buried or cremated?

How do you make the perfect hamburger (or veggie burger)?

The Twitter Emitter

Libertarian crackers don’t recognize that if it weren’t for the Tennesse Valley Authority, they’d still be pooping in unlit outhouses.

— kara vallow (@teenagesleuth) May 26, 2013

Jupiter, Venus and Mercury form a triangle low in the western sky tonight, opening a portal for arrival of the Cicada mothership.

— pourmecoffee (@pourmecoffee) May 27, 2013

I disapprove of what you say, but I will defend to the death my right to tell you “STFU I’m watching the ballgame.”

— William K. Wolfrum (@Wolfrum) May 27, 2013

Trying to find the part of the Constitution where is says our only duty is to maximize shareholder value.

— LOLGOP (@LOLGOP) May 27, 2013

Let’s honor our war dead by giving proper benefits to our war living.

— Andy Borowitz (@BorowitzReport) May 27, 2013

Enforce the laws already on the books! (Except section 501c4.)

— David Waldman (@KagroX) May 27, 2013

Rand Paul’s 2016 prospects are not helped by the fact people already sick of looking at him in 2013

— The Daily Edge (@TheDailyEdge) May 27, 2013

Good things come to those who pay for them.

— God (@TheTweetOfGod) May 27, 2013

My father spent the 1940’s crawling thru Europe on his belly. He wasn’t in the war, he just had a horrible travel agent.

— Elayne Boosler (@ElayneBoosler) May 27, 2013

The Big Book of Spiteful Legislation.

— Andrew Gatto (@AndrewGatto) May 27, 2013

Letting politicians who hate government run the government is like letting Michael Vick run PETA.

— John Fugelsang (@JohnFugelsang) May 27, 2013

On This Day

In 1588, the Spanish Armada took off from Lisbon for England, where it met with eventual defeat.

In 1830, President Andrew Jackson signed the nefarious Indian Removal Act.

In 1892, the Sierra Club was founded by conservationist John Muir.

In 1934, the Dionne Quintuplets were born, the first known to have survived infancy.

In 1957, the National League OK’d the moves of the Brooklyn Dodgers to L.A. and the New York Giants to San Francisco.

In 1996, President Clinton’s ex-business partners in the Whitewater deal were convicted of fraud. 3 separate inquiries found no wrongdoing by the Clintons, but Republicans continued frothing at the mouth over the affair (as they are wont to do).

Interrogatories

Is there anyone in particular that you take the time to remember and celebrate on Memorial Day?

Aspirin, ibuprofen, or acetaminophen?

Do you still read any magazines (paper, not online)? Which ones?

Do you still write checks to pay your bills, or do you pay online?

Do you go to sleep and get up at the same time every day, or does it vary? Are you a napper?

The Twitter Emitter

Reading is fundamental but misreading is fundamentalism.

— God (@TheTweetOfGod) May 22, 2013

Yes, there’s a terrible scandal in govt. It lies in the broken oaths of a political party more devoted to destroying Obama than serving us.

— Dave (@YouGiveMeFever7) May 23, 2013

Sheriff Joe Arpaio: “We don’t racially profile. We don’t target blacks, just Mexicans.”

— Top Conservative Cat (@TeaPartyCat) May 25, 2013

Arpaio insists he never once racially profiled any of those illegal wetbacks.

— Justice Putnam (@justiceputnam) May 25, 2013

“Why did you create mosquitoes?” A better question is “Why did you create people?” Answer: to feed the mosquitoes.

— God (@TheTweetOfGod) May 25, 2013

You know you’re tired when you need a coffee to be awake enough to meet someone for coffee.

— John Fugelsang (@JohnFugelsang) May 25, 2013

Heaven is like arriving at Disneyland. Hell is like still being at Disneyland three weeks later.

— God (@TheTweetOfGod) May 25, 2013

Man shall not live on bread alone. Yet it is easy to forget this at restaurants and end up full before the appetizer.

— God (@TheTweetOfGod) May 26, 2013

It’s TOO SOON. Too soon after the I-5 bridge collapse to talk about raising taxes to fix bridges.

— Top Conservative Cat (@TeaPartyCat) May 26, 2013

If The Lord really hated Gay People or Cannabis he would cease his worldwide production of both.

— John Fugelsang (@JohnFugelsang) May 26, 2013

You can ground a plane if 2 ppl dress funny & speak a weird language. But 50+ were caught carrying loaded guns onto planes last week.

— David Waldman (@KagroX) May 26, 2013

Interrogatories

If you were allowed, on your tax forms, to direct where you wanted your tax money to go, where would you spend it? In what amounts?

Do you feel comfortable eating alone at a restaurant or going to movies or other shows alone?

Is there any chore/job/action that always makes you kick into high procrastination mode? What is it?

Do you like escargot? (It’s National Escargot Day.)

The Twitter Emitter

For the record, I would totally seize the phone records of journalists. If North Korea had journalists. And phones.

— KimJongNumberUn (@KimJongNumberUn) May 17, 2013

“There’s a stereotype that blk pple R lazy.I don’t know if that’s true,but I know white pple went all the way to Afr to get out of doing wk”

— DéliceMugabo (@UwokwaMugabo) May 22, 2013

At this point, anything they play on the radio is a song I associate with looking for parking.

— Louis Peitzman (@LouisPeitzman) May 23, 2013

The fast food workers are told: “Get more education”. The adjuncts are told: “What, you thought all that education would get you a job?”

— Sarah Kendzior (@sarahkendzior) May 23, 2013

NOTE: The people who are most against broad executive power seem most likely to think the president can unilaterally close Guantanamo Bay.

— LOLGOP (@LOLGOP) May 23, 2013

I’ve still gotten no explanation from republicans of how pleading 5th is Unconstitutional as they’ve been whining. I assume they can’t read

— Scott Karasick™ (@GuileOfTheGods) May 23, 2013

We can’t elect Anthony Weiner mayor. My brain isn’t prepared for the dick pun marathon that will ensue. No one is. PEOPLE WILL DIE.

— Erin Gloria Ryan (@morninggloria) May 23, 2013

Instead of flying drones, we should just deputize Medea Benjamin for an Al Qaeda-spotting mission. She can apparently get in anywhere!

— David Dayen (@ddayen) May 23, 2013

Not much is scarier than an employer who believes he can decide what sort of birth control you’re entitled to. Maybe a mime with rabies.

— LOLGOP (@LOLGOP) May 23, 2013

Since most welfare people are white from Red States doesn’t that mean the Welfare Queens = Southern Whites? #tcot #p2

— jimmy streich (@streicher187) May 23, 2013

Boy Scouts announce that straight women can continue to take adolescent males camping.

— The Rude Pundit (@rudepundit) May 23, 2013

If you think people giving you grief about your bigotry is oppressive, imagine being able to be fired for who you are in 29 states.

— LOLGOP (@LOLGOP) May 24, 2013

If you oppose closing Gitmo b/c terrorists will escape Supermax prison, I suggest maybe you ease up on action movies in your Netflix queue.

— pourmecoffee (@pourmecoffee) May 24, 2013

Interrogatories

How do you think Mitch McConnell will celebrate World Turtle Day?

How patient are you? What makes you lose patience?

How long can you go without going on the internet?

Who was your major role model?

The Twitter Emitter

Muslims view “Islamic” terrorists the same way most Christians view the Westboro Baptist Church…

— Yasira Jaan (@YasiraJaan) April 23, 2013

Nobody who says “gay sex causes tornadoes” realizes how awesome that makes gay sex seem.

— Wonderella (@wonderella) May 21, 2013

Isn’t the 5th amendment “RTs are not endorsements”?

— LOLGOP (@LOLGOP) May 22, 2013

Oedipus hooked up with his mom & had to claw his eyes out but Marty McFly gets 2 sequels & a theme park ride.

— John Fugelsang (@JohnFugelsang) May 22, 2013

Every time Wayne LaPierre talks about ‘personal responsibility’ an angel coughs up blood.

— John Fugelsang (@JohnFugelsang) May 22, 2013

Basic stupidity behind the “smug liberal” stereotype: It’s pretty hard to be as smug as someone who thinks God is on his side.

— Jamison Foser (@jamisonfoser) May 22, 2013

Yes, you understand the racism African Americans deal with on a daily basis. After all, you can’t be a bigoted jerk whenever you want.

— William K. Wolfrum (@Wolfrum) May 22, 2013

This girl once told me I was ‘ineffable’ but I would have preferred she found me effable.

— John Fugelsang (@JohnFugelsang) May 22, 2013

Issa withdrew his subpena for Pickering to testify after he realized Pickering was going to make him look like the jerk he is.

— Uncle Jimmy (@jimmywhiz) May 22, 2013

Wasilla housewife Sarah Palin who quit her job 4 years ago and recently got fired by Fox News calls Obama “incompetent”

— The Daily Edge (@TheDailyEdge) May 22, 2013

If you don’t think you can go gay to heaven, go straight to hell.

— God (@TheTweetOfGod) May 23, 2013

Here’s the deal. You worry about who’s going to heaven and leave marriage to the rest of us — since we know that actually exists.

— LOLGOP (@LOLGOP) May 23, 2013

Interrogatories

How do you pronounce “GIF?” Hard or soft G? (Apparently this was a huge Tweetroversy last night.)

For Buy a Musical Instrument Day, what instrument would you buy, if you had to buy one?

Those of you who garden, do you make any attempt at all to plant native plants, or do you plant what you like, regardless of where it originated?

What is the most you ever spent on an item of clothing?

The Twitter Emitter

#PatRobertson said cheating is just in men’s DNA – that is shocking. Pat Robertson believes in DNA?

— Bill Maher (@billmaher) May 19, 2013

For the record, Pat Robertson, Oklahoma has done absolutely nothing to deserve this.

— God (@TheTweetOfGod) May 20, 2013

sorry, if you see France approving gay marriage as part of “Islamization of Europe” you pretty much have no idea what you’re talking about

— Fleet Admiral Josh (@fleetadmiralj) May 21, 2013

I’m against the death penalty for #JodiArias but if the media doesn’t stop covering her I’ll support it for myself.

— John Fugelsang (@JohnFugelsang) May 21, 2013

If there was a god these tornados wouldn’t hit a school they’d have hit where #JodiArias was being held ending the circus and saving money

— jimmy streich (@streicher187) May 21, 2013

Laugh all you want, secularists. Mt St Helens blew right after I inappropriately touched myself while watching an episode of Three’s Company

— Gen JC Christian (@JC_Christian) May 21, 2013

Now Obama has WEATHER WEAPONS? This is a million times worse than the last thing about Obama although I forget what that was.

— Thanks4 Sharing Jerk (@Thx4SharingJerk) May 21, 2013

The arc of the moral universe is long, but it bends toward pronouncing GIF with a hard “G.”

— jay smooth (@jsmooth995) May 22, 2013

It’s spelled “Graphic Interchange Format”, but it’s pronounced “Throat Warbler Mangrove”.

— Avram Grumer (@avram) May 22, 2013

Darrell Issa holding hearings to determine if Obama called the Oklahoma tornadoes “an act of God” or “God’s wrath”.

— Top Conservative Cat (@TeaPartyCat) May 22, 2013

When they figure out how to 3D print outrage, there will be no need for Twitter anymore.

— pourmecoffee (@pourmecoffee) May 22, 2013

Philosophy is about questions that can’t be answered while religion is about answers that can’t be questioned

— Peter Flom (@peterflom) May 22, 2013

Interrogatories

What form of natural disaster scares you most (even if it never happens where you are)?

What city do you think has the prettiest skyline?

What is the longest it’s ever taken you to reach a destination (vacation or other travel)?

It’s “I Need a Patch for That Day.” What would you like to have a patch for?

The Twitter Emitter

After Jesus told his disciples to “heal the sick,” Judas voted to repeal the instruction 37 times, but was overruled in the Senate

— The Daily Edge (@TheDailyEdge) May 17, 2013

John Karl: “I have to protect my source. Otherwise next time they want to push a partisan lie, they’ll call someone else.”

— Top Conservative Cat (@TeaPartyCat) May 19, 2013

My kids are discussing how much money they could make from fighting crime, but by “fighting crime” I suspect they mean “crime.”

— BillCorbett (@BillCorbett) May 20, 2013

In Russia, they’ve got Vladimir Zhirinovsky – in France Jean-Marie Le Pen. In the US – it’s as if EVERY Republican is trying best them.

—UltraVerified (@UltraVerified) May 20, 2013

Music stars always thank Me for their God-given talent when they should be thanking Me for the public’s God-forsaken taste.

— God (@TheTweetOfGod) May 20, 2013

Asking why people live in the path of natural disasters in the U.S. is absurd.We just pick the disaster we want to risk.

— Jesse Taylor (@jesseltaylor) May 21, 2013

Maybe, just maybe it’s time to start thinking about IMPROVING INFRASTRUCTURE rather than tax breaks for the wealthy.

—UltraVerified (@UltraVerified) May 21, 2013

Seems like a good time to remind people that teachers are first responders.

— David Waldman (@KagroX) May 21, 2013

I just ripped out some stuffing from ur favorite chair and left it on ur pillow. And you say I never think of you.

— The Fucking Cat(@TheFuckingCat) May 21, 2013

Fox News: “Obama must investigate and prosecute all leaks for security reasons. Except if it’s leaked to us, then it’s CHILLING!”

— Top Conservative Cat (@TeaPartyCat) May 21, 2013

This is how we “politicize” tragedy: Give disaster relief when needed. Pass background checks when 90% want them. Don’t politicize Benghazi

— The Daily Edge (@TheDailyEdge) May 21, 2013

#YouMightBeARepublican if you praise the Lord out of one side of your mouth and condemn the poor and unfortunate out of the other.

— RC deWinter (@RCdeWinter) May 21, 2013

When the walls come tumbling down, it’s usually someone in a union that saves you, and another that rebuilds the walls. #ok

— Ana Marie Cox (@anamariecox) May 21, 2013

Sometimes. Sometimes there isn’t enough scotch in the world.

— Dirk Lester (@Dirk2112) May 21, 2013

Interrogatories

What’s the most difficult decision you ever had to make?

Have you ever successfully grown strawberries? How do you prefer to eat them?

Do you understand the metric system at all?

Do any kids of your acquaintance know how to tie shoes that have laces or tell the time from analog clocks?

The Twitter Emitter

Twitter makes being like Abraham Simpson so easy.

— Andrew Gatto (@AndrewGatto) May 17, 2013

Freedom isn’t freedom unless you can be a sexist dick without being criticized.

— Amanda Marcotte (@AmandaMarcotte) May 17, 2013

Florida Gov. Rick Scott demanded that the winner of the Powerball must first pass a drug test before he can collect any money.

— Top Conservative Cat (@TeaPartyCat) May 19, 2013

We treat single people and unemployed people the same. “If you were so good, wouldn’t you be taken/employed?”

— FJ The Riveter(@FeministaJones) May 19, 2013

they opened the benghazi emails and found al capone’s vault.

— Oliver Willis (@owillis) May 19, 2013

“We’re getting purchased by Yahoo! It’s an obscure old search engine, you probably haven’t heard of it.” — Tumblr users, probably

— pourmecoffee (@pourmecoffee) May 19, 2013

Your life flashes before your eyes right before you die. It takes an average of 70-80 years.

— God (@TheTweetOfGod) May 19, 2013

John Karl: “No, I won’t reveal my source on the #Benghazi emails. I protect my sources, even when they lie and make me look like a fool.”

— Top Conservative Cat (@TeaPartyCat) May 19, 2013

If I had a time machine I’d stop OJ from killing those ppl & then nobody would ever know what a Kardashian is. youtube.com/watch?v=tcKvUb…

— John Fugelsang (@JohnFugelsang) May 19, 2013

ABC’s Jonathan Karl to start reviewing movies that he hasn’t seen solely based upon friends descriptions. New Star Trek?: “Super awesome”

— TBogg (@tbogg) May 19, 2013

I hope you all, like me, you woke up this morning, checked your Powerball numbers, and realized we are all losers. #DailyAffirmation

— Christopher Moore (@TheAuthorGuy) May 19, 2013