Motley Moose – Archive

Since 2008 – Progress Through Politics


DHS agents tonight grabbed a doorknob on an airplane and took it with them when they left.  The doorknob is currently being questioned, and is expected to spend the rest of its living days in a small concrete cell next to Eunch the Crotch Bomber.

Play was halted while grounds crew mopped stupidity off the playing field.  When play resumed the visiting team was penalized fifteen yards for delay of game when the pitcher put his cup on backwards and caused an acutely strained hernia while rowing the first wicket, and the coach was carried out after breaking his tibia opening a Fresca.

If those jokers don’t start sending in their A team we’re going to have to start shortening the cheerleaders’ skirts to keep the fans in their seats.

The aforementioned doorknob – Faisal Shahzad – thought he would take a jaunt to Pakistan by way of Dubai after buying an old SUV for $1,800 on craigslist and leaving it parked in Times Square.  The parking tickets by the time he got back would have been massive.

Doorknob had acquired his American citizenship in April 2009.

Sure, every dog has his day and this team might pull something off once in a while without blowing their penis’ off, but so far this game sucks.  

I want my ticket money back.


  1. fogiv

    It’s an unfortunate world in which we’re compelled to mock a mass murder attempt.  I’d say We need better Terrorists, but we don’t.  I guess my hope is that this display of relative ineptitude means that counter-terrorism efforts are succeeding enough that the more competent bad guys are less able to operate.  

  2. HappyinVT

    point that one of these times one of these guys is going to get it right and people will die.  Luckily, this guy was caught before he could give the blow by blow of what he did wrong to his compatriots.

    And, John McCain already came out and said it would be a serious mistake to have Mirandized this guy (who is a naturalized citizen, BTW).  Countdown to Liz Cheney appearing all over the tv starts now…

    McCain also said that this guy is looking at hundreds of counts that could lead to the death penalty if he’s convicted but, of course, he hasn’t seen the charges yet.  Of course, the guy hasn’t been indicted or nothing but that won’t stop Big John from having a needle shoved in his arm.  I hate that man.

  3. creamer

    When he says things that are true or make sense I get very suspicious.

    Has anyone considered that this might be the same American agent that blew up the oil rig in the gulf? Does Rush have the day off?

  4. spacemanspiff

    I also left the same day and about the same time the in the same airport (JFK) as the Times Square bomber. It was all very surreal. I was staying in the Double Tree in Times Square with a window toward the part where the Pathfinder loaded with explosive itemas was parked.

    I walked past the jeep about 10 minutes before it started smoking. I was in my room and heard a loud pop. Looked outside and saw Times Square being evacuated. I have pictures and videos of all this while it went down. I twittered a couple of news people (mainly CNN) and they completely ignored the story. We were told we couldn’t leave the hotel (have video of the scene downnstairs) which completely messed with my Sunday night plans (heh).

    In summary: a) I survived my jeep flipping over b) survived an earthquake c) survived a possible terrorist attempt …. we’re not even in summer and 2010 seems to be the craziest year of my life.

    That is all for now. Carry on.

    p.s. the pics and video are on my twitter page. Crazy!

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