Motley Moose – Archive

Since 2008 – Progress Through Politics

Roland Burris Announces Not Running for Re-election. Nobody Notices.

Today Roland Burrs (D-Ill) announced that he was not going to run for re-election to the Senate seat which was “given” to him by Rod “Pay to Play” Blagojevich.  CNN showed the press conference live until their Neilsen ratings plummeted into negative number-space and quickly switched to a canned video of a sloth sleeping in a tree out of simple corporate self-preservation.

Physicists Dr. Helmut Zhvinderhaben and Dr. Ragref Splindriftsen have advanced a theory to explain the evaporation of attention spans in the presence of Sen. Borus.  “The subject exudes a particle we have dubbed the boriton that has a mass and spin combination such that it collapses the fabric of spacetime for the observer.  This combined with a vocal resonance that can cause gravitational ripples leads to a conversational blackhole with characteristics similar to the visual blindspot.  Your mind edits the subject out of your perceived reality and tends to fill in the resulting hole with the texture of old socks and the smell of rancid whale oil.”

The Dr.s add that has such enormous negative potential that his name even evaporates from blocks of text over time.  “We have been performing study on for several years now and we find that our notes only remain valid for at most 72 hours.  Entire paragraphs of text have disappeared from older notes where the name of has been mentioned.”  


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