Motley Moose – Archive

Since 2008 – Progress Through Politics

Palin Failin’: On Reading Troopergate Report

Sarah Palin, the person who at the moment is both a candidate for Vice President as well as Governor of Alaska, has been asked to repeat her High School Reading Comprehension class.  Apparently, she believes that the Troopergate report released on Friday vindicates her.


Mrs. Haverschatt – Palin’s original Reading Comprehension teacher when she was a junior at Wasilla High – has said she would come out of retirement to tutor the Governor.

In a tightly scripted five minute and thirty second telephone interview with three Alaskan reporters who had been pre-restricted to one question each (“no followups, please”), our challenged challenger said:

“Well, I’m very, very pleased to be cleared of any legal wrongdoing … any hint of any kind of unethical activity there,”

She can be excused for missing the part of the report that convicted her of unethical activity, buried as it was at the top of the report:

Finding Number One:

For the reasons explained in section IV of this report, I find that Governor Sarah Palin abused her power by violating Alaska Statute 39.52.110(a) of the Alaska Executive Branch Ethics Act.

Having struggled through the preface of the report and given up in frustration, it should be no surprise that actually reading – much less comprehending – Alaska Executive Branch Ethics Act – is beyond her.  These are, after all, only Man’s Laws and are not as important to understand as God’s Laws.  To save Gov. Palin from the struggle of reading the actual laws in full, I’ve pulled this one specific clause for her:

Sec. 39.52.110. Scope of code; prohibition of unethical conduct.

(a) The legislature reaffirms that each public officer holds office as a public trust, and any effort to benefit a personal or financial interest through official action is a violation of that trust.

We should not think badly of Governor Palin for her dysfuntion.  All we can do is show her a little compassion.



  1. How do you square these two statements: “I’ve done nothing unethical” and finding number one “violating the ethics act”.

    How did we get to this point in media coverage when her denial gets MORE ATTENTION than the finding? How did our discourse sink so low that she isn’t called to account for this abject fib.

    Something is rotten in the state of Denmark.

    As for compassion, I think that the only compassionate act for PaLthologIcallyinN like this is full exposure, disclosure, public outrage and widespread opprobrium, followed by several years of confession, repentance and humility.

  2. GrassrootsOrganizer

    I really appreciate the picture too.

    Palin isn’t an attack dog — she’s an attack canary, kept safely in her cages to cheep! cheep! cheep! away at the rest of us.  

    She apparently afraid to mix it up with non-supporters and reporters face to face (or others are afraid for her).  This causes me to wonder how she’s going to “shake up Worshington” when direct confrontation doesn’t seem her strong suit.  Is the plan to move Congressional hold-outs “Basic Instinct” style?  (PG-13, of course)  Is she going to walk up to Capitol Hill and talk those bastards to tears?  (good luck with that Sarah, by the way)  

    I’ve seen the pitbull and the lipstick, now, um, where’s  the dog fight?  

  3. She has faith that her rabid supporters have little time between speaking in tongues and snake handling to read (if they can) the reports.

    Her role is too rally them and entertain us and that time is quickly running out.

    She’s getting the Press while she can.

    Soon, it will be North to Alaska to get drunk until Spring.

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