Motley Moose – Archive

Interrogatories

How many hats do you own? What kinds?

Do you still have friends from grade school?

Have you violated any “Terms of Agreement” in any way? Have you been caught?

The Twitter Emitter

What's the diff btw Americans on unemployment insurance & Congress? Americans on unemployment insurance want to work. #p2

— John Fugelsang (@JohnFugelsang) January 14, 2014

Justin Bieber's home has now been thoroughly searched, but police have uncovered no evidence of talent.

— God (@TheTweetOfGod) January 15, 2014

"The bigger the government, the smaller the people," he said, as he waited for the okay to begin drinking the water from his faucets again.

— LOLGOP (@LOLGOP) January 15, 2014

If I prayed, I'd ask God to stop making Republicans.

— Danforth France (@danforthfrance) January 14, 2014

People are really making too big a deal out of this West Virginia thing. Now that we have bottled water, do you really need a working tap?

— Jack Kimble (@RepJackKimble) January 14, 2014

Also, please stop the white-on-white gun violence at the movies.

— David Waldman (@KagroX) January 14, 2014

Money doesn't make the world go round. It just increases the rate of spin.

— Peter Flom (@peterflom) January 13, 2014

Why is it everyone on Twitter who have "loves Freedom" in their bio actually hates that the rest of us have it? #GOPFail

— Eileen (@taboo1099) January 15, 2014

Performance Review = when someone tells you you're doing a perfect job, & we'll need you to start doing everything differently.

— John Fugelsang (@JohnFugelsang) January 13, 2014

Interrogatories

What’s your take on the Christie affair? Do you think he’ll resign if implicated? If so, it that the end of his political career (and the start of his Fox News career)?

Have you ever dressed up a pet and lived to tell the tale? Got pics?

What form of organization describes you best? A total mess but you know exactly where everything is, scrupulously tidy and everything in its place, or maybe something else?

The Twitter Emitter

"I should go to bed." Translation: Let me continually refresh my tabs for another hour.

— RapGamePhilipGlass (@GuildedAge) January 13, 2014

Britt Hume says Christie is in trouble because of our "feminized" culture. Corruption and bullying are just good masculine traits.

— Chris Dashiell (@cdashiell) January 13, 2014

Chris Christie can't comment on those new allegations yet. His remaining staff are waiting for him to finish his workout.

— Top Conservative Cat (@TeaPartyCat) January 13, 2014

Bill and Emma Keller are invited to die and show us all how it should be done

— kara vallow (@teenagesleuth) January 13, 2014

google bought nest so that google glass can see the temp in your house and roast you when skynet is activated.

— Oliver Willis (@owillis) January 13, 2014

Rich people are the victims here because all the hungry people want a piece of them.

— Chris Dashiell (@cdashiell) January 13, 2014

What happens when there's a scandal about water rights or something — will media be forced to call it "Water-Gate"?

— Tom Tomorrow (@tomtomorrow) January 14, 2014

Bush left us with 2 failing wars and depression. But at least he didn't get 10 million people health insurance.

— LOLGOP (@LOLGOP) January 14, 2014

They really need to take a closer look at the violent video games these 71-year-old retirees are playing.

— David Waldman (@KagroX) January 14, 2014

2.3 million children live with unemployed parents who were cut off from benefits, and yet Democrats STILL won't repeal child labor laws.

— Top Conservative Cat (@TeaPartyCat) January 14, 2014

Interrogatories

How much of a germ/bacteria-phobe are you?

Accordions – love them or hate them?

How much of a skeptic are you? Do you have any “out there” things that you believe in?

Who was your famous person childhood crush?

The Twitter Emitter

Louie Gohmert is a living reminder of how slow evolution really is.

— Chris Dashiell (@cdashiell) January 10, 2014

Darrell Issa: "So far my investigation into the Velveeta shortage all points to Michelle Obama, who is the only person I'm investigating."

— Top Conservative Cat (@TeaPartyCat) January 9, 2014

Eager to learn which governor's revenge plot is behind the Velveeta shortage.

— Ronan Farrow (@RonanFarrow) January 9, 2014

I once got so mad at a guy I did a full econometric analysis of retail queues

— Ezra Klein (@ezraklein) January 9, 2014

Louie Gohmert is a living reminder of how slow evolution really is.

— Chris Dashiell (@cdashiell) January 10, 2014

Social media is one of the best things to ever happen to stupidity.

— God (@TheTweetOfGod) January 10, 2014

You know, if a Democratic Governor had been caught doing this, they would have been drawn, quartered, tarred and feathered by now.

— UV (@UltraVerified) January 11, 2014

Just heard how long WOLF OF WALL STREET is. If I wanted to feel uncomfortable about money for 3 hours I'd just do my taxes.

— Tim Federle (@TimFederle) January 11, 2014

Time for some traffic problems for the voices in my head.

— Jeff Tiedrich (@jefftiedrich) January 11, 2014

The G.W. Bridge has always been a target for terrorists. We just didn't think the terrorists would be #Republicans.

— Mary W. Matthews (@MWM4444) January 11, 2014

I think we can all agree the best acceptance speech would be from Hodor.

— pourmecoffee (@pourmecoffee) January 13, 2014

Interrogatories

Are you or any of your friends peculiar? Proudly so?

What kind of houseplants do you have?

What was your favorite Masterpiece Theatre series of all time?

Have you done anything to your place that helps cut energy costs, like insulation, solar panels, ugly windows, etc?

The Twitter Emitter

Unscrupulous aides acting on their own led to this tweet. I knew nothing of it. I'm as surprised as you.

— William K. Wolfrum (@Wolfrum) January 9, 2014

Are we about at the time where we can stop saying Chicago-style politics and start saying New Jersey-style politics?

— Sara Lang (@SaraLang) January 9, 2014

results of traffic study: closing lanes causes backups

— Atrios (@Atrios) January 9, 2014

Let's close that bridge when we come to it.

— Ronan Farrow (@RonanFarrow) January 9, 2014

Did Christie accidentally fire the staffer who tells him when to end a press conference?

— daveweigel (@daveweigel) January 9, 2014

If it wasn't a legitimate traffic study, the Port Authority has a way of shutting those thing down.

— Stacie Rose (@igotviews) January 9, 2014

Reductio ad Benghazum

— Brian Beutler (@brianbeutler) January 9, 2014

Christie showing his devotion to Springsteen by giving three hour press conference with two encores.

— Ray Radlein (@Radlein) January 9, 2014

Living well is the best traffic study.

— Ronan Farrow (@RonanFarrow) January 9, 2014

I wonder how many people listened to that press conference while they were stuck in traffic.

— Ben Greenman (@bengreenman) January 9, 2014

Chris Christie today adamantly "denied all knowledge" – I have to agree. I, too, think Christie lacks knowledge

— Dean Obeidallah (@Deanofcomedy) January 9, 2014

Chris Christie is probably the only person in the world who is now looking back fondly at 2013.

— John Scalzi (@scalzi) January 9, 2014

I'm imagining Trentonian bedsheets; full of Whopper wrappers-Whopper wrappers & tears. #Inners

— Andrew Gatto (@AndrewGatto) January 10, 2014

Interrogatories

Have you owned any iPhones? How many?

If you could play God for a day, who would you strike with lightning? Making the punishment fit the crime, what creative punishments would you devise for your favorite Republicans?

Have you ever flown in a hot air balloon? Do you have any desire to?

The Twitter Emitter

"May all your vortices be polar." (Old Inuit curse.)

— John Bennet (@slothead) January 8, 2014

How is what Chris Christie did really any different from Obama using his weather machine to exact revenge on the midwest? #BothSidesDoit

— kara vallow (@teenagesleuth) January 8, 2014

Christie would have thrown an aide under the bus, but a traffic study prevented the bus from getting there.

— Hunter (@HunterDK) January 8, 2014

I bet Christie would have really got in his staffs faces if they had been teachers.

— TBogg (@tbogg) January 8, 2014

Hearing the aide's punishment is to be shouted at by Christie on live TV.

— Danielle (@DCPlod) January 8, 2014

I think the delicious schadenfreude with Christie is like seeing a bully getting hauled to the principal's office by his ear.

— roadkillrefugee (@rkref) January 8, 2014

"My staffers mislead me! I thought they were just going to break the guys legs." – Chris Christie

— GOPathetic (@GOPathetic) January 8, 2014

Delaying an EMS visit resulting in the death of a 91 year-old is a childhood dream of Paul Ryan. He must be so jealous right now.

— TBogg (@tbogg) January 8, 2014

Christie for Secretary of Transportation.

— Chris Dashiell (@cdashiell) January 9, 2014

Unscrupulous aides acting on their own led to this tweet. I knew nothing of it. I'm as surprised as you.

— William K. Wolfrum (@Wolfrum) January 9, 2014

Interrogatories

Were you ever teacher’s pet? class clown? dunce?

Have you ever shown slides or home movies to your guests?

How many pairs of shoes (include all footware) in your closet?

Did you ever catch your parents, teachers, or bosses in a lie?

The Twitter Emitter

I'm pissed that my taxes are wasted paying the salaries of people who are against taxes.

— Chris Dashiell (@cdashiell) January 6, 2014

For just 38 cents a day, you can help this precious 46-year-old finish this tweet.

— William K. Wolfrum (@Wolfrum) January 6, 2014

What're the odds that somewhere in this polar vortex someone who just got Obamacare coverage slipped and fell and broke a leg?

— Brian Beutler (@brianbeutler) January 7, 2014

RT if your nipples are more attentive at work than you are

— A$AP Feminist (@FeministaJones) January 7, 2014

Hi, it's cold and I don't read much so that proves 97% of the world's scientists are wrong about climate change. #p2

— John Fugelsang (@JohnFugelsang) January 7, 2014

Boehner reiterates unemployment benefits extension would have to be paid for, and not from the $3T the GOP has set aside for invading Iran

— The Daily Edge (@TheDailyEdge) January 7, 2014

Polar Vortex is totally gonna be the name of my Arctic Monkeys tribute band.

— Chris Lehmann (@lehmannchris) January 7, 2014

I wonder which news network gave the Koch Brothers the impression that the hosts will just read their scripts. http://t.co/EOaJ2G71N6

— LOLGOP (@LOLGOP) January 8, 2014

Insiders say that before Liz Cheney decided to drop out, her father offered to "go hunting with Mike Enzi and take care of it."

— Top Conservative Cat (@TeaPartyCat) January 8, 2014

Yesterday's old-newspaper-hoarders are today's 200-open-tabs-on-Firefox-e-hoarders.

— John Fugelsang (@JohnFugelsang) January 8, 2014

Interrogatories

Remember when making long distance phone calls cost a bundle? What is the biggest phone bill you ever ran up?

Have you ever been on a cruise? If so what was it like? If not, would you consider it, and what kind?

Among my acquaintances I have noticed two kinds of shoppers – the ones who will return anything if there is anything remotely wrong with it, and the ones who just hang on to the item, often never using it, for whatever reason. Are you one of these, or something else? If you don’t return things, why not?

The Twitter Emitter

Liz Cheney dropped out of Wyoming Senate race for "health reasons?" I'm glad she finally realized she makes people sick.

— KennyKwik (@KwikWarren) January 6, 2014

NOTE: If we can afford for Mitt Romney to pay a lower tax rate than a nurse, we can afford to extend emergency unemployment insurance.

— LOLGOP (@LOLGOP) January 6, 2014

On this day in 1838 Samuel Morse first demonstrated the telegraph cautioning that transmission does not equal endorsement.

— pourmecoffee (@pourmecoffee) January 6, 2014

Today belongs to Sasheer Zamata. Enjoy this moment before she has to shoulder the pressure of representing all of black womankind on SNL…

— Andrew Johnston (@_andrewjohnston) January 6, 2014

Nancy Grace slams pot smokers, despite studies proving her show is considerably less funny when sober.

— John Fugelsang (@JohnFugelsang) January 6, 2014

Liz Cheney abandoned her run for office when the #polarvortex convinced her there was actually something colder than her.

— Crutnacker (@Crutnacker) January 7, 2014

Have I understood – "populism" means pleasing a small number of ignorant racist bigots?

— David Horton (@watermelon_man) January 7, 2014

I do have some Larry Summers jokes but they're kinda derivative.

— John Fugelsang (@JohnFugelsang) January 7, 2014

Liz Cheney dropped her Senate campaign over "family health concerns". It's amazing the things you might catch when you're 40 points behind.

— Top Conservative Cat (@TeaPartyCat) January 7, 2014

Stop the vortex shaming, people.

— David Waldman (@KagroX) January 7, 2014

Interrogatories

Death penalty – for or against, and why?

Do you have any idea what frankincense and myrrh are? Would you be pleased by such a gift?

What is the longest flight you were ever on? How was it?

The Twitter Emitter

Some of you say, "Math is a universal language." Others say, "Maths is a universal language." See, right there: not a universal language.

— God (@TheTweetOfGod) January 3, 2014

SOURCES: Washington Post hoping to convince @EzraKlein to stay at paper with free Amazon Prime membership

— The Daily Edge (@TheDailyEdge) January 3, 2014

Yes, a blizzard means there's no global warming, just like one honest politician means there's no government corruption.

— Will McAvoy (@WillMcAvoyACN) January 3, 2014

Today in 2010, Alabama rejected same-sex marriage, but continued to recognize same-family marriage.

— Disalmanac (@Disalmanac) January 3, 2014

M.H Perry makes a stupid joke about Romney' Grandchild, She must be fired. Michael Scheuer says Obama should be killed, Goes on Fox news.

— steve trojanoski (@troj21) January 4, 2014

Some say "feed a fever, starve a cold," and some say it's the other way around, but I say feed them both and let God sort them out.

— John Scalzi (@scalzi) January 4, 2014

BAD NEWS: Those jeans make you look fat. GOOD NEWS: You make those jeans look skinny.

— Jesus Christ (@Jesus_M_Christ) January 5, 2014

Remember, the #GOP has no problem with "redistribution" as long as it's flowing upward. #P2 #UniteBlue http://t.co/0yJmwYQKkQ

— F. Grey Parker (@greyparker) January 5, 2014

Me: I think I’ll use whole wheat flour… All the pantry pests in the world: OH HEY WAT DO? Me: So I’m going to use all-purpose flour…

— Wil Wheaton (@wilw) January 5, 2014

Ben Carson says legal marijuana use will lead to hedonism. I suppose drinking alcohol is a form of stoicism?

— Chris Dashiell (@cdashiell) January 5, 2014

Oh, man, today’s gonna feel like Monday again! That’s two weeks in a row with two Mondays. No fair.

Interrogatories

When do your Christmas decorations come down?

What famous landmarks or artworks have you been photographed with?

Do you carry a handkerchief? What is your sneezing strategy?

The Twitter Emitter

If you think everyone should have the right to own a gun You have no idea what “everyone” means.

— Joey Tranchina (@JoeyFotoFr) December 27, 2013

They say children are a gift from god. I'm totally wide-open to regifting.

— inappropriate mom (@nicfit75) December 27, 2013

George Zimmerman sold painting on e-bay for $100K. He's the most promising young artist to come along since John Wayne Gacy.

— Frank Conniff (@FrankConniff) December 25, 2013

It’s interesting that a lot of journalists who think that the NSA is Stalinist seem perfectly cool with Bloomberg’s stop & frisk policy.

— Teresa Kopec (@TeresaKopec) January 1, 2014

Before we give all those sluts free birth control, let's be sure to ask them if their husbands/boyfriends/dads have locks on their gunracks.

— kara vallow (@teenagesleuth) January 1, 2014

Utah asked Supreme Court to halt gay marriage, saying that gays should be punished here on Earth instead of leaving it to God in Heaven.

— Top Conservative Cat (@TeaPartyCat) January 1, 2014

Remember: 2014 years ago, Jesus freed the slaves from the gay Communists.

— Andrew Gatto (@AndrewGatto) January 1, 2014

Interrogatories

How’s the new year treating you so far? Any hangover?

Do you remember when they advertised cigarettes on TV? What ads do you remember?

What time zone is Real Time?

How do you plan to start off this new year?

The Twitter Emitter

Fewer Republicans believe in evolution but nearly 100% believe big oil is looking out for their best interests.

— LOLGOP (@LOLGOP) December 31, 2013

Think of what you scream when a car alarm starts relentlessly blaring. Now think about what you scream when Isaa speaks. #SameThing

— Lizz Winstead (@lizzwinstead) December 31, 2013

Afghanistan is now our most unpopular war. This never would've happened if Romney were president– Iran would've been the unpopular war.

— Top Conservative Cat (@TeaPartyCat) December 31, 2013

Kind of wish MSNBC hosts would quit apologizing to butthurt conservatives. It won't make them any less butthurt; it's their natural state.

— TBogg (@tbogg) December 31, 2013

GOP: please proceed with your minority outreach by screaming about Duck Dynasty Phil's free speech rights, and then demanding MHP be fired.

— Zandar (@ZandarVTS) December 31, 2013

PJ O'Rourke will be on @jaketapper 's show today to help usher in 1988

— TBogg (@tbogg) December 31, 2013

If Utah thinks marriage is linked to procreation, they’re not allowing any post-menopausal women get married, right?

— Dana Houle (@DanaHoule) December 31, 2013

2014 is already terrible and I broke all of my resolutions.

— CrutnackerNutcracker (@Crutnacker) January 1, 2014

After 2 hours in 2014, let me report that everything is better. Colors more vivid. Food tastes better. Really great. Also, I'm pretty baked.

— William K. Wolfrum (@Wolfrum) January 1, 2014