Motley Moose – Archive

Interrogatories

Have you seen The Rocky Horror Picture Show? If so, how many times? Did you participate in the audience antics?

What is the longest blackout you’ve ever had to endure? How did you handle it?

How many different kinds of batteries do you use? What for?

Are you careful with receipts, or do you generally just pay without looking?

Do you have duct tape? What colors? What have you used it for?

The Twitter Emitter

Texas executed one man with an IQ of 61, while another sleeps comfortably in the Governor's mansion.

— John Fugelsang (@JohnFugelsang) August 8, 2013

Remember that being gay is a choice, because all those gay athletes want to go to Russian prison.

— Jesse Taylor (@jesseltaylor) August 12, 2013

Rep. Blake Fahrenholdt: "We have the votes to impeach Obama, and we'll start once we find a reason."

— Top Conservative Cat (@TeaPartyCat) August 12, 2013

Are you watching the #solidarityisforwhitewomen hashtag? Because it's important even if it's uncomfortable. I'm listening.

— TheBloggess (@TheBloggess) August 13, 2013

#TCOT: A group of people who live to mock people without jobs while kicking and screaming about the unemployment rate.

— Grand Old Parody (@GrandOldParody1) August 13, 2013

Red states get more government assistance than blue states, so they have first hand experience of how evil it is.

— Grand Old Parody (@GrandOldParody1) August 13, 2013

Sharks get a lot of shit after Shark Week. "Well if it isn't God's gift to the sea. I thought you'd be hanging out with your TV friends."

— pourmecoffee (@pourmecoffee) August 13, 2013

We have seemingly arrived at a point where it is conceivable everyone may run for President in 2016.

— Patrick Ruffini (@PatrickRuffini) August 13, 2013

still thinkin bout that plastic bag from american beauty. what else has it done since?

— kc grǝǝn (@kcgreenn) August 13, 2013

Libertarianism is a philosophy for people who think adolescence is the peak of human development.

— Peter Flom (@peterflom) August 13, 2013

. @jezebel's bid to be taken as seriously as @cosmopolitan is working.

— Keith Snyder (@noteon) August 13, 2013

Interrogatories

Are you right or left handed?

Steak – rare, medium rare, medium, well done, or not at all?

Who would you like to blame to celebrate Blame Someone Else Day?

What is the highest land elevation you have ever attained?

Do you deliberately try to tan, or do you slather on the sunblock?

The Twitter Emitter

GOP still furious that GOP SCOTUS upheld GOP-designed Obamacare & promises GOP repeal before it can save any GOP lives.

— John Fugelsang (@JohnFugelsang) August 12, 2013

Halliburton to rebrand nerve gas as Freedom Tingle™.

— Chris Dashiell (@cdashiell) August 12, 2013

If I didn't mean for you to eat pigs I wouldn't have made them out of pork.

— God (@TheTweetOfGod) August 12, 2013

Well I for one think Mitt Romney looks way better since he removed the bolts from his neck.

— John Fugelsang (@JohnFugelsang) August 12, 2013

Let's do stop & frisk but for white guys in suits to see if any of them stole our economy.

— CC:Indecision (@indecision) August 12, 2013

For all the chatter about Rand Paul appointing a dead Milton Friedman to the Fed, I'm more excited to see Ayn Rand as secretary of education

— Chris Lehmann (@lehmannchris) August 12, 2013

This tweet contains the names of every Republican who's ever demanded to see Ted Cruz' birth certificate.

— John Fugelsang (@JohnFugelsang) August 12, 2013

Sources say Musk was driven by desire to reduce duration/frequency of DC journos whining about bad wi-fi and quiet car violations.

— Olivier Knox (@OKnox) August 12, 2013

New York still hasn't tried Stop n' Frisk at Wall Street, and that's where all the real crime is. Most of the coke, too.

— John Fugelsang (@JohnFugelsang) August 12, 2013

Ray Kelly: "The notion that my officers use racial profiling is recklessly untrue. It's just that minorities are all criminals."

— Top Conservative Cat (@TeaPartyCat) August 12, 2013

Judge tosses racial discrimination claims against Paula Deen on grounds that "using the N-word isn't racist. I use it, and I'm not racist."

— Top Conservative Cat (@TeaPartyCat) August 12, 2013

Interrogatories

For National Vinyl Records Day, what is your preferred music medium? Vinyl, CD, digital…?

It’s International Youth Day. Are you the “get off my lawn” type, or do you tolerate or even enjoy the young (not counting the ones related to you)?

Did you ever read comics? If so, which ones? Do you still read them (or graphic novels)?

Do you play computer games? Which ones?

The Twitter Emitter

ObamaCare is not a 'blueprint for Socialism' – you're thinking of The New Testament.

— John Fugelsang (@JohnFugelsang) August 11, 2013

Gov. Bob McDonnell: "I don't see a problem with crisis pregnancy centers lying to women. They were probably lied to when they got pregnant."

— Top Conservative Cat (@TeaPartyCat) August 11, 2013

So when your taxes kills ppl overseas it's considered 'defense;' when your tax $ helps ppl here it's considered 'theft.'

— John Fugelsang (@JohnFugelsang) August 11, 2013

You call them natural disasters. I call them destructive criticism.

— God (@TheTweetOfGod) August 11, 2013

And now Whites do not want Blacks to make any mention of race issues or else Blacks are being divisive & racists. That's #ReversePsychology

— bPositive (@bPositive_) August 10, 2013

Please proofread your tweets before posting. #NSA snoops have never seen such poor spelling and grammar. #privacy #4thA #PRISM #XKeyscore

— Tarbell Steffens (@lexicosm) August 11, 2013

I don't want 2 hear 1 single person complaining about The POTUS taking a 1 WEEK vacation while CongreASS takes a 5 week vacation. Fuck Them.

— The ObamaCrat™ (@MrMilitantNegro) August 11, 2013

There's no greater arrogance than thinking GOD spared your life while letting others die.

— Don Millard (@OTOOLEFAN) August 11, 2013

Give a man a fish, he'll eat for a day. Teach a man to fish, he'll fish all the fish. Those are YOUR fish. Probably safest to kill that guy

— Drew Koshgarian (@MostlyPregnant) August 11, 2013

I'm going to sell organic air, harvested from the lungs of baby koalas

— Atrios (@Atrios) August 11, 2013

Interrogatories

Do children and pets like you right away?

It’s National Rice Pudding Day, are you a fan?

Can you tie a windsor knot? Can you tie a bowtie?

Have you been to a live auction? A silent auction? Did you bid on anything? Did you win?

Have ever used eBay, for buying or selling?

The Twitter Emitter

Pretty unfair that sharks get a whole week and vampires only get a weekend.

— Kevin Farzad (@KevinFarzad) August 5, 2013

Obama canceling the summit is his way of putin Russia in its place.

— CC:Indecision (@indecision) August 7, 2013

I'm still confused by the logistics of taking a picture of your own penis in a glass of wine.

— Ian (@iboudreau) August 7, 2013

Politifact rates its own name half-true (h/t @iamrc10)

— The Daily Edge (@TheDailyEdge) August 7, 2013

If I had 5 wishes, I'd use them all to wish people would stop counting shit. #IHateBuzzfeed

— Andrew Gatto (@AndrewGatto) August 7, 2013

With States Rights come States Responsibilities. #confessyourunpopularopinion

— Bryan (@FoldsOfFlab) August 8, 2013

Capybaras alwayes looke lyke Edward Gorey designede them.

— Chaucer Doth Tweet (@LeVostreGC) August 8, 2013

The winning Powerball numbers aren't 11-19-37-47-53-24.

— Ben Greenman (@bengreenman) August 8, 2013

"Give a million monkeys a million typewriters and you'll get Shakespeare" has been proven wrong by the internet.

— Cliff Bleszinski (@therealcliffyb) August 8, 2013

Telling an atheist to go to hell is like asking an economist to invest in a Ponzi scheme. They don't believe in false profits.

— DC Debbie (@DCdebbie) August 8, 2013

Interrogatories

Can you give directions well? Can you follow directions well? Does asking for directions come easily for you? 😉

How are you at folding maps?

Do you ever bring your own food or drinks into movie theaters? What do you bring?

Do you watch the Olympics? If yes, what are your favorite competitions? Do you think we should boycott next year’s Winter Olympics (in Russia)?

The Twitter Emitter

Apparently the Tea Party decided to boycott Ebony for issuing 4 covers dedicated to Trayvon Martin:

We have so many Tea Party readers and followers. To lose all zero of them due to our September cover would be devastating.

— EBONY (@EBONYMag) August 7, 2013

#WhitePeopleBoycottingEbonyMagazine is like the KKK boycotting watching reruns of The Crosby Show

— Rolando Smash (@isitis) August 7, 2013

@ArrogantDemon Now White Conservatives will now buy Essence Magazine instead of Ebony lol #WhitePeopleBoycottingEbonyMagazine

— Rita A (@ritaag) August 7, 2013

Might as well announce you're boycotting thinking at the same time guys, because you don't do none of that either. #EbonyBoycott

— The 12th Doctor (@DCPlod) August 7, 2013

#WhitePeopleBoycottingEbonyMagazine Is like Italians thinking Olive Garden is fine dining

— Maximiliano Risk (@ArrogantDemon) August 7, 2013

#WhitePeopleBoycottingEbonyMagazine Is like people from Mexico saying Taco Bell reminds them of home.

— adept2u (@adept2u) August 7, 2013

I want to meet the Tea Partier who subscribes to @EBONYMag, because I'd like to believe unicorns exist.

— Jamil Smith (@JamilSmith) August 7, 2013

White people boycotting Ebony is kind of like, say, a boycott of Twitter to stop trolls silencing women.

— The 12th Doctor (@DCPlod) August 7, 2013

#WhitePeopleBoycottingEBONY is now entering its 68th year!

— Ian (@iboudreau) August 7, 2013

next you're gonna tell me that Steve King is going to stop watching ¡Sabado Gigante!

— sethdmichaels (@sethdmichaels) August 7, 2013

#WhitePeopleBoycottingEBONY is like John Boehner boycotting sobriety.

— &e-ru (@dvnix) August 7, 2013

Jay-Z Album Sales Flatline After Tea Party Boycott

— Oliver Willis (@owillis) August 7, 2013

Ebony are racist for not putting Riley Cooper on their cover instead.

— The 12th Doctor (@DCPlod) August 7, 2013

Interrogatories

Do you collect anything? If so, what?

Are you a gossip? Do you talk to any gossips?

Are you at all interested in the private lives of public figures?

Do you know CPR? If so, have you ever had to use it?

What’s your favorite lighthouse?

The Twitter Emitter

Take that, person who said a thing on the internet

— Dan Derozier (@danderozier) July 31, 2013

Look officer, I'm not being a smartass. All I'm saying is if you caught me then you were speeding too.

— Bill Murray (@BiIIMurray) August 2, 2013

Each night while twitter sleeps, the hinge fairy puts the hinges back on so that next day, the unhingeing can happen all over again.

— Bazillion ★ Admiral (@jonkudelka) August 4, 2013

"No one is rich who cannot afford his own army," said Marcus Crassus 2000 years ago. We're getting there …

— davidfrum (@davidfrum) August 5, 2013

Rom-com: dowdy NSA officer (Katherine Heigl) falls for charming terrorist she's listening in on (Bradley Cooper), sets out to clear his name

— Ronan Farrow (@RonanFarrow) August 5, 2013

IRLRT @danderozier Google Naps, competes with Microsoft SleepWorks Expression Studio, Home Edition

— Evan Mintz (@evan7257) August 5, 2013

Hi! I'm Liz Cheney. The fact I have to get a license to fish these pristine streams, shows how jack boot Govt is the problem. Vote for me!"

— Justice Putnam (@justiceputnam) August 6, 2013

Being an asshole is a lifestyle choice.

— God (@TheTweetOfGod) August 6, 2013

Oh, sure, McDonald's pays workers in other countries $15/hr and makes a profit, but that would never work here because, well, um, you know.

— Top Conservative Cat (@TeaPartyCat) August 6, 2013

When will Apple update my favorite program, "iTunes (Not Responding)"?

— daveweigel (@daveweigel) August 6, 2013

Mitt Romney is speaking tonight in one of his four home states that he lost last November.

— LOLGOP (@LOLGOP) August 6, 2013

Give a man a fish, you fed him today. Teach him to fish, you fed him for a lifetime. If there's no fish in the sea, deny the man foodstamps.

— Top Conservative Cat (@TeaPartyCat) August 6, 2013

On August 16, Lee Daniel’s The Butler, a star-studded film from The Weinstein Company, who also brought us Fruitvale Station, will hit the nation’s movie screens.  

Based on the real life story of Eugene Allen, a black man born in 1919, who was hired to work in the White House in 1952, rose to the rank of butler and then to the top rank of Maître d’hôtel, served under eight Presidents. Allen, who retired in 1986, lived to see Barack Obama take office, and was a special guest at the inauguration.

Interrogatories

Do you like tattoos? Have any?

Do you wear campaign buttons? Even when not campaigning?

Do you tip your garbage collector, mail carrier, or other public servant?

Do you fish and/or hunt?

Do you like root beer floats? What’s your favorite brand of root beer?

The Twitter Emitter

Did I hear this right? Bezos bought the Post? Free shipping for everyone!

— Steve Weinstein (@steveweinstein) August 5, 2013

From now on you'll be able to buy a WaPo for $1.25, but there will also be 28 used from $0.01.

— Bob Cesca (@bobcesca_go) August 5, 2013

Bezos realized that newspapers were great at same-day delivery.

— Matthew Reichbach (@fbihop) August 5, 2013

BREAKING: Amazon purchases Washington Post, Craigslist lures New York Times into its apartment and kills it

— Rex Huppke (@RexHuppke) August 5, 2013

Probably the wrong day to be working out of the office…

— Ezra Klein (@ezraklein) August 5, 2013

Now Facebook must buy the Wall Street Journal & Apple must buy the New York Times. (I just saved you the next 36 hours of tech journalism.)

— Spencer Ackerman (@attackerman) August 5, 2013

Billionaire Uses One-Click to Buy Washington Post for $250M

— Don Van Natta Jr. (@DVNJr) August 5, 2013

So, Bob Woodward finally has a good excuse for trying to sell books at the expense of his paper's reporting.

— Duke (@DukeStJournal) August 5, 2013

Hey you forgot to buy us. #slatepitches

— Jesse Berney (@jesseberney) August 5, 2013

Shipping is free if you add items totaling more than $250 million.

— Charles Johnson (@Green_Footballs) August 5, 2013

I seriously cannot even IMAGINE all the pearl-clutching that Sally Quinn is doing right now.

— delrayser (@delrayser) August 5, 2013

Why are people surprised Jeff Bezos bought the Washington Post? Rich people love buying old junk no one wants. It's called antiquing.

— CC:Indecision (@indecision) August 5, 2013

Interrogatories

When did you last paint a wall? What color?

How many keys are on your keyring? Do you need all of them?

Have you played Bridge? Pinochle? Rummy? Hearts? War? Solitaire? What’s your favorite card game?

How often do you get a haircut?

Where do you get the best oysters?

The Twitter Emitter

Y'know what'd be great? If more Fox hosts making 8 figures a yr would lecture minimum wage workers about how good they have it. #thanks

— Eric Boehlert (@EricBoehlert) August 1, 2013

Y'know what'd be great? If more Fox hosts making 8 figures a yr would lecture minimum wage workers about how good they have it. #thanks

— Eric Boehlert (@EricBoehlert) August 1, 2013

You don't "accidentally" say the N-word unless it's already part of your vocabulary. #TrueColors #RileyCooper

— Jamaal Glenn (@JamaalGlenn) August 2, 2013

If the House has the time to repeal Obamacare for the 40th time, we are obviously paying them way too much.

— Steve Weinstein (@steveweinstein) August 2, 2013

Well if Snowden is going to be in Russia, at least Sarah Palin can keep an eye on him.

— Tina Dupuy (@TinaDupuy) August 2, 2013

I don't want to sound racist, but I also don't want to have to stop BEING racist. Why is life so HARD?

— Joey Comeau (@joeycomeau) August 2, 2013

Officials: Texas running out of execution drug – Do what Florida does, have everyone shoot each other. http://t.co/uaSjb9DegR

— Tim UU (@idlechatter91) August 2, 2013

Reuters: Bomb blast at Benghazi police station. // Issa spokesman says congressman is on a month's vacation & will blame Obama in September

— Picasso Kat (@Picassokat) August 2, 2013

Standard response after you recite paragraphs of verifiable facts and statistics: "You must be a libtard, right?"

— Chris Dashiell (@cdashiell) August 2, 2013

BREAKING: UK's David Cameron hires Jim Messina to annoy supporters with endless emails.

— Top Conservative Cat (@TeaPartyCat) August 2, 2013

“@DAbitty: Procrastination kills!”….but not immediately 😉

— Highly scatological (@RaisingOneBrow) August 2, 2013

Interrogatories

Have you ever had a census-taker come to your house? (I always just get a form to mail in.) Did you eat his liver with some fava beans and a nice chianti?

Have you ever ridden on a cable car?

Who wears the look better: Eddie Munster or Paul Ryan?

Do you like to gamble? Have you ever won anything?

What’s in your glove compartment?

The Twitter Emitter

God is punishing us for thinking we know what God is punishing us for.

— LOLGOP (@LOLGOP) July 31, 2013

With all the pressing matters before Congress, I'm glad Darrell Issa found time to name all the water around the US after Reagan.

— Top Conservative Cat (@TeaPartyCat) August 1, 2013

First I created stupidity. Then, to give it some place to go, I created people.

— God (@TheTweetOfGod) August 1, 2013

As revenge for this Snowden mess, Obama should stick to the summit with Putin, but staff it entirely with flamboyant gay dudes. #takethat

— daveweigel (@daveweigel) August 1, 2013

Al Qaeda leaders say they may take August off: "Let's give Ted Cruz's plan to bring America to its knees some more time to work"

— The Daily Edge (@TheDailyEdge) August 1, 2013

Ariel Castro sentenced to life without possibility of parole, meanwhile Juror B37 isn't sure what he did was even a crime.

— Top Conservative Cat (@TeaPartyCat) August 1, 2013

Look on the bright side #ArielCastro. At least you know how long you'll be trapped in a prison and why you're there.

— Crutnacker (@Crutnacker) August 1, 2013

Skinny jeans are a poor substitute for skinny genes.

— God (@TheTweetOfGod) August 1, 2013

Glad the GOP blocked Obama's jobs bill. It wastes so much money fixing roads and bridges when the free market will just fix them by magic.

— Top Conservative Cat (@TeaPartyCat) August 1, 2013

Senate confirms Samantha Power as UN ambassador, despite Republican concerns that she is intelligent, well-qualified and female

— The Daily Edge (@TheDailyEdge) August 1, 2013