Motley Moose – Archive

Greetings and happy Wednesday, Bomberinos. Let me say that I loved everyone’s responses to yesterday’s nosy questions. Too bad work keeps me from hanging out and really getting into the discussion.

Interrogatories

What is your biggest regret in your life? Would you want to be immortal? If you were, what would you do with your time? If you had a friend who talked to you like you sometimes talk to yourself, would you still be friends? (What do you mean, you never talk to yourself?) Here’s an old question: If you had one wish that could be granted in full, what would you wish for? If you suddenly had a huge financial windfall, what would you do with it?

The Twitter Emitter

Paul Ryan’s budget which includes repeal of obamacare is like lee showing up at Appomattox and saying to grant “here are my demands”.

— Matthew Dowd (@matthewjdowd) March 12, 2013

If only Paul Ryan’s budget plans had been subject to a national election in which he appeared on the ticket.

— Ben White (@morningmoneyben) March 12, 2013

Just a suggestion: “Lincoln Financial Group John Paul III.”

— David Waldman (@KagroX) March 12, 2013

Other corporate sponsorship opportunities: the PayPal Nuncio.

— David Waldman (@KagroX) March 12, 2013

Apparently tonight the cardinals in the Sistine Chapel will be eating al fresco. Thank you.

— Joshua Malina (@JoshMalina) March 12, 2013

No line at the women’s bathroom during the Papal Conclave.

— Top Conservative Cat (@TeaPartyCat) March 13, 2013

Today is the birthday of Mitt Romney & Ron Jeremy.Imagine – one of the world’s biggest penises, and Ron Jeremy.

— John Fugelsang (@JohnFugelsang) March 13, 2013

REPORT: NASA’s Curiosity rover may have foundevidence of a demo version of Track 4 from David Bowie’s 1971 album Hunky Dory

— The Daily Edge (@TheDailyEdge) March 13, 2013

“The sooner you guys choose a Pope, the sooner everyone can leave the Vatican to go have Cool Ranch tacos” – would probablyspeed things up

— TBogg (@tbogg) March 13, 2013

Tell all your staff to read Atlas Shrugged. The ones that swear and throw the book across the room–keep them.

— Chris Dashiell (@cdashiell) March 13, 2013

The black smoke reported coming from the Vatican was actually the cardinals burning the latest @paulryan budget. #p2 @maddow

— Joseph J. Santorsa (@Marnus3) March 13, 2013

Kids shot in Chicago? Kid shot in NYC with no due process? Won’t be a single column written about that. Stand with Rand Paul, though.

— Vent(@vcthree) March 13, 2013

Maybe White House should start issuing black smoke from the ATF building every day until GOP confirms Obama’s pick usatoday.com/story/news/nat…

— The Daily Edge (@TheDailyEdge) March 13, 2013

Good morning, bombshells! Have you found that lost hour of sleep yet? Have some coffee, you know driving sleepy is just as bad as driving drunk, just less stigma.

Interrogatories

Who was the first President you voted for? Were you raised by Liberals or Conservatives? If the latter, where did they go wrong? 😉 What was the turning point where you realized that you had a different set of values? What was the first volunteer work you ever did? How many U.S. States have you visited?

The Twitter Emitter

Retweet if you know someone who is still alive only because you can’t afford a hit-man.

— Grumpy Grandma(@lnternetGrandma) March 10, 2013

I hope that none of the pope contestants twirl flaming batons in the talent portion of the competition.

— allanbrauer (@allanbrauer) March 11, 2013

A hidden advantage of spring forward: it was me waking the cats this morning. Now you know how it feels Bucky & Hal!

— Unstable Isotope (@UnstableIsotope) March 11, 2013

So where’s all the daylight we saved?

— David Waldman (@KagroX) March 11, 2013

Daylight austerity is obviously bullshit.

— David Waldman (@KagroX) March 11, 2013

Why can’t daylight & darkness work together to find bipartisan compromise instead of putting us through this series of manufactured crises?

— David Waldman (@KagroX) March 11, 2013

The Founders would never have never approve of a soda ban — unless it was to keep all the soda for white, male landowners.

— LOLGOP (@LOLGOP) March 11, 2013

BREAKING: Judge strikes down NYC 16 oz. soda ban on the grounds that “it’s hot in here and I had a large pastrami sandwich for lunch.”

— Top Conservative Cat (@TeaPartyCat) March 11, 2013

Bloomberg speaks at 5:30. Word is he will buy all the soda in NY forever and store it on private island where he’ll live with hairless cat.

— pourmecoffee (@pourmecoffee) March 11, 2013

I could never respect any spellcheck that recognized ‘Couponing’ as a word.

— John Fugelsang (@JohnFugelsang) March 11, 2013

Fox News worries about the kids who can’t visit the White House – but not the poor kids who could starve eclectablog.com/2013/03/fox-ne…

— LOLGOP (@LOLGOP) March 11, 2013

Oh well, it had to happen. Another Monday rolls around. The worst of all Mondays, coming on the heels of that missing hour (did you know hours had heels?). Speaking of missing hours, I really need to get a new alarm clock that doesn’t automatically reset the time according to the 1986-2006 DST. But, if I do that, you know Congress will change it again.

Interrogatories

What once perfectly good words can you think of that have been ruined by media overuse and/or misuse?  What do you like to do to unwind and relax? When did you first start using the internet? How many real-life friends have you made online? If you haven’t met anyone in person that you met online, how do we all know that you aren’t really a dog?

The Twitter Emitter

Another true library story. A college student asked me for the state of the union address. Turns out she thought it was a street address

— Chris Dashiell (@cdashiell) March 10, 2013

It doesn’t seem particularly brave or manly to shoot “intruders” you never even visually confirm as strangers before you fire.

— David Waldman (@KagroX) March 10, 2013

Grand bargain should include a chained DST policy to only save the daylight we really need.

— pourmecoffee (@pourmecoffee) March 10, 2013

I take all your unanswered prayers and recycle them as your unfulfilled aspirations. #green

— God (@TheTweetOfGod) March 10, 2013

Paul Ryan: “The American people sent a very clear message about #Obamacare in November. My plan clearly says ‘fuck you, American people'”

— The Daily Edge (@TheDailyEdge) March 10, 2013

That family and society so often close ranks around the abuser instead of the victim means that the problem runs much deeper than supposed.

— Chris Dashiell (@cdashiell) March 10, 2013

New Paul Ryan budget repeals 2012 election result: “When Scalia hears how many ‘urban’ voters there were, I think he’ll back me on this”

— The Daily Edge (@TheDailyEdge) March 10, 2013

ATTENTION DRONE PILOTS: THE PIZZA PLACE NEAR ME IS TERRIBLE.

— Michael Ian Black (@michaelianblack) March 10, 2013

They’re really stretching out this Pope search. Your average Kardashian would be married, divorced and engaged to someone else by now.

— William K. Wolfrum (@Wolfrum) March 11, 2013

Naming an airport after Reagan is like naming a women’s shelter after Jack the Ripper

— Peter Flom (@peterflom) March 11, 2013

I live in NYC, where my Governor wants to legalize pot while my Mayor wants to ban junk food.

— John Fugelsang (@JohnFugelsang) March 11, 2013

If someone’s profile says they are strong on “Liberty” it means THEIRS not YOURS

— Pirate Wench (@PirateWench) March 11, 2013

I would say at least dry it out after killing it next time. RT @realdonaldtrump: Re my hair-Should I change it? What do you think?

— Darren Pardee (@d_pardee) March 11, 2013

Greetings, Bombaneros! I hope your Sunday is serene and relaxing. You know it’s a day of rest, so by all means, rest! (Note: eating and drinking ARE a form of rest, in case you were wondering.)

Interrogatories

What was your first favorite book as a child?  What was your first favorite non-children’s book? Do you still own any of these? Daylight Saving Time – for or against? Why? Pet owners – how many pets do you have, and what are they?

The Twitter Emitter

Oh, that’s why it’s taking so long: Rand Paul is filibustering our chess tournament.

— pastordan (@pastordan) March 9, 2013

Tomorrow Jeb Bush will be on all of the Sunday morning shows to present a different immigration plan on each one. nationalmemo.com/pity-the-poor-…

— LOLGOP (@LOLGOP) March 10, 2013

George Washington could not tell a lie. Richard Nixon could not tell the truth. Today’s GOP cannot tell the difference.

— Cody Jackson (@CowboyCodyJack) March 10, 2013

So 2016 will be the year the Titanic II launches and a second Bush son runs for President. Coincidence?

— The Daily Edge (@TheDailyEdge) March 10, 2013

Remember, First World- it’s never too early to be disproportionately outraged over a new facebook layout.

— John Fugelsang (@JohnFugelsang) March 10, 2013

Don’t set your clocks ahead yet. Rand Paul is filibustering Daylight Savings Time “until Obama explains why we use the Gregorian calendar.”

— Top Conservative Cat (@TeaPartyCat) March 10, 2013

The bigger the hurry, the more persistent the red lights.

— daveweigel (@daveweigel) March 10, 2013

Thanks for following Me, atheists. I am forever in your doubt.

— God (@TheTweetOfGod) March 10, 2013

Want to see the Stones? After you add tix to Ticketmaster shopping cart, a home equity loan form will pop up on screen. Worth it!

— Jonathan Ringen (@JonathanRingen) March 10, 2013

Happy Saturday, Bombrewskis! I hope you are well on this fine sunny/rainy/snowy/foggy/none of the above morning.  Now, where is my coffee?

Interrogatories

If you could be painted by any famous artist in history, who would you choose? If you could be photographed by any famous photographer in history, who would you choose? What fictional character do you most identify with? If your life story was made into a movie, who do you think should play you? (Don’t limit yourself to living actors if your favorite is no more.)

The Twitter Emitter

Cannibalistic Humanoid Underground Drones

— Josh Greenman (@joshgreenman) March 8, 2013

To those who belief the Earth is a gift from God. How do you think He feels about us covering it in crap?

— Peter Flom (@peterflom) March 8, 2013

“No comment.” – Me, after every single prayer ever.

— God (@TheTweetOfGod) March 8, 2013

Why is it that the rape discussion so often boils down to “arm the women” or “guard the women”? How about respect women and don’t rape them?

— ¡socratic! (@socratic) March 8, 2013

If wearing “sexy clothes”= asking for it, then owning belongings=asking to get robbed.

— King of Blackness (@JamilahLemieux) March 8, 2013

Rick Santorum: “Scientists say the earth hasn’t warmed like this for 11,000 years. Which is funny, because the earth’s only 6,000 years old”

— The Daily Edge (@TheDailyEdge) March 8, 2013

Paul Ryan: “The Dow set a record closing high for the 4th straight day, proving once and for all that we need to cut Medicare now now now.”

— Top Conservative Cat (@TeaPartyCat) March 8, 2013

McCain: “It’s wrong for Rand Paul to get libertarian kids in dorm rooms wound up about drones. He should be winding them up about #Benghazi“

— The Daily Edge (@TheDailyEdge) March 8, 2013

People say follow your dreams, but I don’t want to go outdoors in my underwear.

— Chris Dashiell (@cdashiell) March 9, 2013

Mitt Romney said he lost because minorities love Obamacare. He lost because he says shit like that. thkpr.gs/XLZm8V

— DC Debbie (@DCdebbie) March 9, 2013

New White House rules mandate that any emails to Bob Woodward must be approved by 35 other people, at least 7 of whom must be psychologists

— The Daily Edge (@TheDailyEdge) March 9, 2013

Happy Friday, Bombadeiros!  How’s it hangin’?

My knees have already mostly recovered from my fall. I have a policy – if nothing pops or creaks, keep it moving. I kept moving after tripping, and my knees never got swollen and never stiffened up. I do workers’ comp for a living, and it seems to me the ones who suffer the longest are the ones who instantly go sedentary when they get injured. My wrist has improved range of motion, but I still need the brace I picked up yesterday (I had one at home, but the color was soooooo butt-ugly that I had to find an alternative).

Interrogatories

Let’s talk about ever-changing standards of beauty. Picking from any period in history, you just have to have seen pictures of the person or persons in question, who is the most beautiful woman you can think of, in your opinion? You don’t have to narrow it down to one if you can’t. How about the most beautiful/handsome man? What is your favorite number? Do you need a dark room to fall asleep in, or does it not matter? Are you an easy sleeper or do you suffer from insomnia? Do you prefer nights or mornings?

The Twitter Emitter

Yo Rand Paul, if you are against executing Americans without a fair trial, the best place to complain would be Rick Perry’s office.

— John (@linnyitssn) March 7, 2013

If President Obama has the authority to use drones, what’s to stop him from using them to make restaurants integrate?

— Jack Kimble (@RepJackKimble) March 7, 2013

Plain black t-shirt: I’m ready to go out into the world. Exact same shirt in white: I’m going outside in my underwear.

— John Moe (@johnmoe) March 7, 2013

Anti-drone lefties don’t be fooled. Tea People didn’t care when 100.000s died in Iraq, they don’t care now. It’s just blaming the black guy.

— John (@linnyitssn) March 7, 2013

Maybe now Rand Paul will have sympathy for people who stand 13 hours EVERY DAY making a tiny, tiny fraction of what he earns

— Dana Houle (@DanaHoule) March 7, 2013

At least some libs have been consistent about limited executive power, cons are just full of it.

— Oliver Willis (@owillis) March 7, 2013

The best argument against capitalism is Joe Theismann being paid to talk about his prostate.

— Mark Ennis (@Mengus22) March 7, 2013

Don’t do it! Don’t give in. There are people who love you. Don’t throw your life away by reading internet comments.

— Don’t Read Comments (@AvoidComments) March 7, 2013

Designing a new work-outfit for myself.Must be chic, wick away sweat, and protect against gamma radiation.Suggestions appreciated.

— Mark Leyner (@LeynerMark) March 7, 2013

Rand Paul ordered an intern to fetch his Aqua Buddha mobile urinal, but the poor kid couldn’t find it among the Storm Front memorabilia.

— Justice Putnam (@justiceputnam) March 8, 2013

Thalutationths, Bombstherth! It’th Thursday.

I fell down and went boom yesterday, effed up my right knee, but most of all my left hand. I have to let my right hand hit the shift key for the left one, because too much range of motion hurts. Too bad I didn’t do it at work, I could handle my own workers’ comp claim!

Oh well, let me poke my nose into your business. Don’t hold back!

Interrogatories

Those of you who cook: What is your very best dish? Can we have the recipe? 😉 What fashion from your youth would you like to see come back in style?  What fashion from your youth would send you running from the room screaming if it came back in style? What is your favorite day of the week?

The Twitter Emitter

Paul Ryan: “Why is everyone so focused on jobs? It’s time to get back to the real work of redefining rape and killing Medicare”

— The Daily Edge (@TheDailyEdge) March 6, 2013

I’m celebrating Alan Greenspan’s birthday by being wrong, but getting away with it.

— pourmecoffee (@pourmecoffee) March 6, 2013

Reminder to all the new Rand Paul fans on my twitter feed – his appreciation for civil liberties ends where a woman’s uterus begins

— Michael Cohen (@speechboy71) March 7, 2013

To be fair, unlike Ted Cruz or John Cornyn, Rand Paul actually believes the bullshit that comes out of his mouth.

— TBogg (@tbogg) March 7, 2013

If someone can just trick Rand Paul into saying his name backwards we can end this right now.

— Matthew (@Matterless) March 7, 2013

Just tell Rand Paul we will only use drones on women or on blacks who try to eat at his lunch counter and he’ll stop. #p2

— Steve Weinstein (@steveweinstein) March 7, 2013

Isn’t a 10-hour filibuster against drones an oxymoron?

— Rob Kutner (@ApocalypseHow) March 7, 2013

Rand Paul doing the Harlem Shake now.

— Andrew Kaczynski (@BuzzFeedAndrew) March 7, 2013

It would seem Republicans are SUPER concerned about civil liberties when a Democrat is President.

— Greg Pinelo (@gregpinelo) March 7, 2013

If you think this is good, Rand Paul’s filibuster against the FEMA concentration camps and the gay madrasas will be EPIC.

— Adam Weinstein (@AdamWeinstein) March 7, 2013

Has any right-wing nutzoid accused Obama of using the drone authorization as a way of dividing Republicans yet?

— The Rude Pundit (@rudepundit) March 7, 2013

If you turned a blind eye on torture & extrajudicial killings under W, you have no right to complain about civil rights violations under O.

— Jason Febery (@JasonFebery) March 7, 2013

That awkward moment when Rand Paul is against killing American citizens w/o trial while supporting stand your ground laws

— United Liberals(@UnitedLiberals) March 7, 2013

Rand Paul’s filibuster is now longer than John Galt’s speech. And you’re lucky if you don’t get that.

— LOLGOP (@LOLGOP) March 7, 2013

I am against drone warfare, but I will never stand with Rand, any more than I would eat shit with Mitt.

— Chris Dashiell (@cdashiell) March 7, 2013

Happy hump day, Bombdroppers! How are you all today? For me it’s till all uphill until the end of the workday, after that it’s downhill (in a good way). I only have two conference calls today! Blessed relief.

Now, spill!

Interrogatories

Are you a bargain hunter? If so, what is the best bargain you ever found? Do you prefer showers or baths? How green are you/your habits/your home? What is your favorite ethnic food? What, of that food, is your favorite dish?

The Twitter Emitter

If someone at The Daily Caller can link Menendez having topless sex with Ashley Judd, there will be a little something extra on the paycheck

— TBogg (@tbogg) March 5, 2013

If a conservative is a liberal who’s been mugged, a liberal is a conservative who’s been arrested. ~ Tom Wolfe

— BorderingOrder (@borderorder) March 5, 2013

Unless the Park Slope Co-op board signs off on it, any decisions taken by President Obama are unconstitutional.

— rootless (@root_e) March 5, 2013

Forecast calls for DC to be blanketed in white, tomorrow and then next week at CPAC.

— pourmecoffee (@pourmecoffee) March 6, 2013

If Paul Ryan’s vouchers are just as good as cash, how come he never suggests we give them to millionaires and keep #Medicare the way it is?

— The Daily Edge (@TheDailyEdge) March 6, 2013

#YouMightBeARepublican if you know that the fact that Obama isn’t perfect makes him just as bad or worse than Bush.

— Top Conservative Cat (@TeaPartyCat) March 6, 2013

NRA: If Medicare had a gun, Paul Ryan would stop trying to kill it #edshow

— The Daily Edge (@TheDailyEdge) March 6, 2013

Liberals protest war. Conservatives protest healthcare. What more do you need to know? #UniteBlue

— CurtisK (@ZonkerPA) March 6, 2013

Say what you will about Hugo Chavez. He didn’t make a Harlem Shake video.

— LOLGOP (@LOLGOP) March 6, 2013

Hugo Chavez deserves a lot of credit for getting Americans to stop talking about the sequester for one entire day.

— John Fugelsang (@JohnFugelsang) March 6, 2013

Bob Woodward still feels threatened by Hugo Chavez.

— William K. Wolfrum (@Wolfrum) March 6, 2013

An unmanned drone was spotted over Brooklyn. Apparently, it couldn’t afford to fly over Manhattan.

— Stephen Colbert (@StephenAtHome) March 6, 2013

Good morning, Bombazinos! It’s Terrible Tuesday. Terrible because I have a gazillion conference calls to do at work and will have even less time to hang out (not that I have time on good days).

Interrogatories

If you could be sidekick to any hero out there, who would you pick (I call dibs on Aragorn!)?  How many delivery menus do you have sitting around your place? How many different cuisines? Who were you named after? What do you drink your coffee (or tea) out of? Who is your favorite comedian of all time?

The Twitter Emitter

I wish my wife blamed “the media” for all my faults.

— LOLGOP (@LOLGOP) March 4, 2013

Mitt Romney: “I still don’t understand why so many Latinos self-deported from the Republican Party in 2012”

— The Daily Edge (@TheDailyEdge) March 4, 2013

Mitt & Ann Romney remind you that a media which spent 2 years questioning Obama’s citizenship was in the tank for Obama.

— John Fugelsang (@JohnFugelsang) March 4, 2013

The Daily Callers dramatic exposé that We Have Seen Ashley Judd’s Boobs is probably bad news for Lena Dunham’s presidential aspirations

— TBogg (@tbogg) March 4, 2013

Remember: Only you can prevent the horrible “Snowquester” name from sticking. #snowquester #noquester washingtoncitypaper.com/blogs/citydesk…

— Mike Madden (@mikemadden) March 5, 2013

#Sequester means 775,000 at-risk families lose access to food and baby formula, but good news! They can still get a subsidy for buying a jet

— The Daily Edge (@TheDailyEdge) March 5, 2013

Not heard at #AIPAC2013: Let’s blow this place and go check out the Friends of Hamas after-party

— TBogg (@tbogg) March 5, 2013

FBI says sequester will impede their Wall St investigations, which I guess means they’ll have to shred the evidence they’ve been ignoring

— Dicey (@DiceyTroop) March 5, 2013

If one snow storm disproves climate change, one Republican infidelity disproves the “sanctity of marriage.”

— LOLGOP (@LOLGOP) March 5, 2013

More guns always = more safety! Just like more alcohol always = better dancing.

— Stephen Colbert (@StephenAtHome) March 5, 2013

If you retweet this you’re going to hell.

— God (@TheTweetOfGod) March 5, 2013

Welcome to Monday. Please be sure that you are wearing something that fits the dress code. Be punctual. If you take the last cup of coffee, please make more. Smile! 😉

Interrogatories

What words or phrases in common usage today drive you up the wall? What common mispronunciation drives you up the wall? If you could go back and visit any particular place and time, what would it be? If you could learn the answer to any historical unsolved mysteries, what would you want to know? What is your favorite adventure story (in any medium)?

The Twitter Emitter

Racial entitlement: When someone other than the white guy gets to vote. #TheVotingWhitesAct

— kara vallow (@teenagesleuth) March 3, 2013

Here’s My advice: Don’t ask for My advice.

— God (@TheTweetOfGod) March 3, 2013

Even if everything happened for a reason there would be no reason for that.

— God (@TheTweetOfGod) March 3, 2013

I haven’t heard one good argument why Republicans should be able to marry. eclectablog.com/2013/02/let-th…

— LOLGOP (@LOLGOP) March 3, 2013

Mitt says he knew by 9 PM on Election Day he’d never be president. Everyone else knew that when he flew to Vegas to be endorsed by Trump.

— Victor Laszlo(@Impolitics) March 3, 2013

Number one question never asked by narcissists: “Am I a narcissist?”

— Chris Dashiell (@cdashiell) March 3, 2013

My Amazon order of “Things You Need Because You’re Old And Your Body Hurts” has shipped!

— Jesse Taylor (@jesseltaylor) March 4, 2013

“The Bible” running on the History Channel is like “Dragons” running on Animal Planet.

— God (@TheTweetOfGod) March 4, 2013

They’ll throw all of our rights out their Overton window if we let them.

— Chris Dashiell (@cdashiell) March 4, 2013

@ericboehlert If Galdalf had only compromised with the Balrog of Morgoth, the bridge of Khazad-Dum might still be intact. #FAILURETOLEAD

— Dante Atkins (@DanteAtkins) March 4, 2013

Using Scalia’s own logic, women standing up for their right to vote would be an act of ‘gender entitlement’.

— Jason Febery (@JasonFebery) March 4, 2013

How is it a sense of ‘entitlement’ when minorities ask for the exact same rights as everyone else-i.e. voting?

— Jason Febery (@JasonFebery) March 4, 2013

SERIOUSLY: The only thing Republicans now agree on is that the Obama recovery must be destroyed nytimes.com/2013/03/04/us/… #Austerity #GOPFail

— The Daily Edge (@TheDailyEdge) March 4, 2013