Motley Moose – Archive

Happy last Saturday Edition of the F Bomb!

Interrogatories

Since everyone’s favorite seasonal food is asparagus, what’s better: Fat or skinny? When was the last time you lost your temper? What is the best decision you ever made? What bad habits do you have? Are you addicted to anything?

The Twitter Emitter

I’d like a mandatory background check on whether a politician has the balls to vote his conscience.

— Denis Leary (@denisleary) March 22, 2013

Life begins at “No, I don’t have a condom but I’ll pull out. Trust me.”

— William K. Wolfrum (@Wolfrum) March 22, 2013

I gave a fuck once. It was terrible.

— Very Grumpy Cat (@VeryGrumpyCat) March 22, 2013

Cutting Medicare to fix the budget is like invading Iraq when you were attacked by 15 Saudis.bit.ly/ZtITpm #p2

— John Fugelsang (@JohnFugelsang) March 22, 2013

With all due respect, North Dakota, you’re the last state that should be defining what constitutes “life”.

— God (@TheTweetOfGod) March 22, 2013

I’m not much into housekeeping, but my stash box is clean as a whistle.

— William K. Wolfrum (@Wolfrum) March 22, 2013

Dear North Dakota: When a fertilized egg shows up to help me move, I’ll call it a person. #BearsRepeating

— Lizz Winstead (@lizzwinstead) March 22, 2013

Georgetown squandering Jesuit momentum started by Pope Francis.

— pourmecoffee (@pourmecoffee) March 23, 2013

I believe this is the first time Georgetown has fielded a team entirely selected from its political science department.

— Ana Marie Cox (@anamariecox) March 23, 2013

Would be great if on some of the days Republicans are actually working this year, they did something other than try to repeal Obamacare

— The Daily Edge (@TheDailyEdge) March 23, 2013

Friday, Friday, gotta get down on Friday. Friday on my mind. Fried-day. Yes, it’s here. I no longer look so forward to the possibilities of a Friday night, but this week I am very much looking forward to the end of this work week. Enough already!

Interrogatories

What is the closest you have ever come to fearing for your life? What is the closest you have come to wanting to make someone else fear for their life (at your hands)? What once-favorite thing have you totally lost interest in? What is your favorite season? What is your favorite Spring seasonal food?

The Twitter Emitter

GOP outreach is mostly into the uteri of American women. #edshow

— Steve Weinstein (@steveweinstein) March 21, 2013

#GOPConfessions We don’t really believe life begins at conception; It begins when your portfolio hits $1mil #tcot #p2

— Jason Rowe (@Aqua_Buddah) March 21, 2013

#GOPConfessions We are NOT anti-science!!! We’re just pro-ignorance!

— Jason Rowe (@Aqua_Buddah) March 21, 2013

Shorter Chambliss: I’m not sure why people who aren’t me should have the same rights I do, that’s super weird

— AdamSerwer (@AdamSerwer) March 21, 2013

I’m glad the Paul Ryan budget gives billions in tax cuts to millionaires instead of letting that money go to elites.

— John Fugelsang (@JohnFugelsang) March 21, 2013

Speaker Boehner says new gun laws are not needed unless guns develop uteri or demand health care.

— LOLGOP (@LOLGOP) March 21, 2013

its like we have an entire class of people in dc who are always wrong about everything but yet suffer no penalty for it.

— Oliver Willis (@owillis) March 21, 2013

Sen. Saxby Chambliss says he opposes gay marriage because “I’m not gay.” Will he now oppose the death penalty because he’s not dead?

— Top Conservative Cat (@TeaPartyCat) March 21, 2013

Philosophy is about questions that can’t be answered. Religion is about answers that can’t be questioned.

— Peter Flom (@peterflom) March 21, 2013

It’s true that you can’t fix stupid. But you can tell it its guns need cleaning.

— David Waldman (@KagroX) March 22, 2013

Nice to see Harvard guys threatening to wreck brackets rather than the global economy.

— Jamison Foser (@jamisonfoser) March 22, 2013

Happy Thurthday, Bomberth! What a week it’s been, between work (memorable events) and Washington Warmongers (Holy Hubris, Batman!)… and then there’s Hamm’s salami, but let’s not go there…

Interrogatories

What famous person have people told you (at any point in your life) that you resemble? Do you agree? Did you learn any life lessons the hard way? How many hours would the day have to have for you to be able to do all you need to do? What would be worth going to war over? What is your version of the American Dream? What is the longest lasting earworm (song stuck in your head) that you ever had?

The Twitter Emitter

Shorter GOP: just coincidence that most minority voters never vote for us

— Josh Marshall (@joshtpm) March 20, 2013

Why won’t Obama LEAD and come up with a budget that the House of Representatives is constitutionally required to create?

— Thanks4 Sharing Jerk (@Thx4SharingJerk) March 20, 2013

#YouMightBeARepublican if you voted to invade Iraq in 2003 and to cut disabled veterans’ benefits in 2012

— The Daily Edge (@TheDailyEdge) March 20, 2013

As soon as Obama & Netanyahu started in on @chucktodd, you just know Bob Woodward headed straight for is panic room.

— William K. Wolfrum (@Wolfrum) March 20, 2013

If thinking about the awfulness of the Iraq War gets too depressing, the right says you should remember how much worse Benghazi was.

— Danielle(@DCPlod) March 20, 2013

Boehner says that new gun laws won’t work because criminals don’t follow them, which is why all laws should target law-abiding women & gays.

— LOLGOP (@LOLGOP) March 20, 2013

Guns dont kill people… politicians who refuse to pass sound guns laws do

— United Liberals(@UnitedLiberals) March 20, 2013

If I had Jon Hamm’s problem, I wouldn’t drive a big SUV or own so many guns bit.ly/WKFMei

— Gen JC Christian (@JC_Christian) March 21, 2013

Boehner says gun laws won’t work because crooks never follow the law. For example, look at the banks

— Justice Putnam (@justiceputnam) March 21, 2013

Merry Wednesday, first day of Spring, etc.!

For the first couple of questions I want to revisit that one from yesterday where lots of people said, “I’ll get back to you.”

Interrogatories

What musical event from any era in history would you like to be able to witness (as a fly on the wall or a human in the crowd). This could include anything from opera premieres, Mozart composing something, or the Festival Express, as long as it involves music.  What historical political event would you like to be a fly on the wall at? What sounds can you absolutely not tolerate? What is your favorite feeling? What is your favorite memory of your parents?

The Twitter Emitter

Great nickname for Texas GOP Senator Ted Cruz with his crazy antics —> RT @limeylizzie: Carnival Cruz.

— The Fighting Liberal (@texyellowdogdem) March 19, 2013

Isn’t it cute when the party that wants to tell you when to give birth and whom to marry thinks it’s for smaller government?

— LOLGOP (@LOLGOP) March 19, 2013

Republicans are right. Spending is the problem. We spend way too much on subsidies to Big Oil and giveaways to corporate jet buyers

— The Daily Edge (@TheDailyEdge) March 19, 2013

Lets take a moment to honor the brave men and women who supported the Iraq war without moving from their news desks.

— Jamie Kilstein (@jamiekilstein) March 19, 2013

If Voldemort and the Crypt Keeper had a child, it would look like Rick Scott.

— Karl (@JerryMander) March 20, 2013

2003 was also a year that conservatives didn’t give a crap about spending.

— Oliver Griswold (@originalgriz) March 20, 2013

John McCain: “I’d love to invade Iran, but I’m not unreasonable. I’ll settle for a quagmire in Syria if that’s the war that’s available.”

— Top Conservative Cat (@TeaPartyCat) March 20, 2013

Yes, the Iraq War was sold to America based on lies, but Democrats are at fault too– it takes two to lie, one to lie and one to listen.

— Top Conservative Cat (@TeaPartyCat) March 20, 2013

Even braver than Bush’s decision to invade a country that didn’t attack us was his decision to cut taxes to not pay for it.

— LOLGOP (@LOLGOP) March 20, 2013

DID YOU KNOW? 63% of Republicans believe we found WMDs in Iraq, while only 33% believe we found Obama’s birth certificate in Hawaii

— The Daily Edge (@TheDailyEdge) March 20, 2013

Happy Tuesday, Bombolooskies! No time for small talk, let’s engage in some small talk – see the following nosy questions:

Interrogatories

What is your current pet peeve? Who would you want to be stuck in an elevator with? If you could be a fly on the wall at any important or historical event, what would you choose? What are you procrastinating on right this minute? Would you rather be rich or famous? If you had the opportunity to know the exact date and time you will die, would you want to know?

The Twitter Emitter

I am so sick of media saturation about Lindsay Lohan I’m going to blog and tweet about it all day.

— John Fugelsang (@JohnFugelsang) March 18, 2013

I think I saw in my timeline that Lindsay Lohan accepted a plea deal that involves dating Tiger Woods, but I was skimming.

— pourmecoffee (@pourmecoffee) March 18, 2013

CNN: “Sure, the boys in Steubenville knew ‘no means no’, but how were they to know ‘unconscious means no’? You ladies moved the goalposts!”

— Top Conservative Cat (@TeaPartyCat) March 19, 2013

I don’t want to die doing something I love. I want to die doing something I hate. That way I don’t have to finish it.

— Tim Siedell (@badbanana) March 19, 2013

RT @p0tus: BREAKING: GOP promises to embrace a wider cross-section of white southern men.

— Dee (@DAbitty) March 19, 2013

CNN: “But surely there must be some exceptions for rape when the perpetrators are football players with bright futures, right?”

— Top Conservative Cat (@TeaPartyCat) March 19, 2013

I thought the new face of CNN was someone on a cruise ship looking for a place to poop.

— LOLGOP (@LOLGOP) March 19, 2013

Tom Perez hasn’t prosecuted a single member of Friends of Hamas!

— David Waldman (@KagroX) March 19, 2013

Joke all you like, but no one is expecting another Spanish Inquisition.

— William K. Wolfrum (@Wolfrum) March 19, 2013

Happy Monday, Bomberbots! If there is such a thing.

Let’s move right to the intrusive questions…

Interrogatories

What was your favorite subject in school (pre-college)? What was your least favorite? What was your major in college? How many siblings do you have? What is your favorite candy? Are you more of a leader or a follower?

The Twitter Emitter

Michelle Malkin is a rancor baby

— Zirgar (@Zirgar) March 17, 2013

GOPers should decide whether Obama is a weak-kneed, teleprompter-dependent amateur or an iron-fisted socialist tyrant. He can’t be both.

— Jason Febery (@JasonFebery) March 17, 2013

I’m so sad that young white Southern males are being discriminated against by civil rights.

— Chris Dashiell (@cdashiell) March 17, 2013

I guess the NRA would say, boys don’t Rape, Penises rape.#UniteBlue

— jcbdraco (@jcbdraco) March 17, 2013

Showing up to a tennis lesson wearing head to toe green spandex apparently was not necessary. #thanksforthememo

— josh groban (@joshgroban) March 17, 2013

Happy St. Patrick’s Day – when Tri-State Area men make the pilgrimage to NYC to selflessly donate urine to our sidewalks.

— John Fugelsang (@JohnFugelsang) March 17, 2013

I’ll buy a Big Gulp to symbolize freedom from government intervention. And a lottery ticket to symbolize the free market.

— Chris Dashiell (@cdashiell) March 17, 2013

BREAKING: Rob Portman announced he’s reversed his opposition to government funding of firefighters after his son’s house caught fire.

— Top Conservative Cat (@TeaPartyCat) March 17, 2013

My Final Four prediction: War, Famine, Conquest and Death.

— God (@TheTweetOfGod) March 17, 2013

We should all be concerned that half a decade into this great crisis, societies are still being looted to save a broken financial system.

— umair haque (@umairh) March 17, 2013

Asking for equal rights for only your own group is like saying “Our side of the boat is leaking” There’s one boat. We’re all in it.

— Peter Flom (@peterflom) March 17, 2013

Glad Sarah Palin came out at CPAC for Freedom Diabetes.

— John Fugelsang (@JohnFugelsang) March 17, 2013

Happy Sunday, Bombadillos! I am going to try to get something done today (outside of diaries). Wish me luck, willya?

Interrogatories

After you have pried your eyes open, what is the first thing you do when you wake up? Are you frugal or profligate? What is the earliest memory from your childhood? What did you want to grow up to be when you were little? Do you sing in the shower, and if so, what do you sing?

The Twitter Emitter

Eventually one of these Republican congressmen is going to find out his daughter is a woman, and then we’re all set.

— Anil Dash (@anildash) March 15, 2013

I wasn’t a fan of his before, but this… and now Malkin has sicced her troll followers on him:

CPAC stands for Conservative Politicians Attempting Comedy right?

— josh groban (@joshgroban) March 16, 2013

If you hate most of the people in it, you don’t “love America.” #p2

— markm (@markm1962) March 16, 2013

I miss the days when the only person covering CPAC was Stephen Glass & he was just making things up.

— Jesse Walker (@notjessewalker) March 16, 2013

Britain apologizes 4 releasing their premature ejaculation drug ahead of schedule; wants you to know this NEVER happens.

— John Fugelsang (@JohnFugelsang) March 16, 2013

At CPAC, cons call Paul Ryan a liberal, say Grover Norquist is in the Muslim Brotherhood and blame the media for making them look crazy.

— LOLGOP (@LOLGOP) March 16, 2013

Scott Walker will not rule out a run for president. Also, Sylvester Stallone will not rule out another “Rocky” sequel. #p2 #badideas

— Joseph J. Santorsa (@Marnus3) March 17, 2013

Conservatives: We hate political correctness! Now say something we disagree with and we’ll sick thousands of sad, bored cyberbullies on ya.

— LOLGOP (@LOLGOP) March 17, 2013

@toure The funniest part of Sarah Palin performance is where she tells teleprompter joke about Prez Obama while using a teleprompter herself

— Maxine Baptiste (@brownsugar7878) March 17, 2013

Conservatives at #CPAC2013 are mad at Rob Portman, but they’re relieved that “at least that his son isn’t black, sick, or (gasp!) poor.”

— Top Conservative Cat (@TeaPartyCat) March 17, 2013

It would be great if all the GOP states passing laws to stop the wrong people from voting cared as much about not executing the wrong people

— The Daily Edge (@TheDailyEdge) March 17, 2013

Happy Saturday, Bombazinos. Where I live the days are hitting highs in the low 80s, and the Jasmine is starting to bloom. Alas, foggy morning bring smoggy afternoons, so there is a trade-off.

Interrogatories

When is it permissible to lie? What is something you believe in/are into your friends and family think is crazy? What is the first thing you notice about people? If you could go back in time and advise your younger self, what advice would you give? How old would you be if you didn’t know how old you are?

The Twitter Emitter

That’s it. I’m making all conservative politicians’ kids gay. It is a choice, after all… MINE.

— God (@TheTweetOfGod) March 15, 2013

That awkward moment when 71-year-old Mitch McConnell calls 65-year-old Hillary Clinton “old.” #CPAC2013

— Gabe Ortíz (@TUSK81) March 15, 2013

Sen. Rob Portman: “I changed my position on gay marriage because my son is gay. I didn’t give two shits when it was just Cheney’s daughter.”

— Top Conservative Cat (@TeaPartyCat) March 15, 2013

Finding racists at CPAC is like finding stoners at a Phish concert

— HumanityCritic (@HumanityCritic) March 15, 2013

“I was anti-feminist until I had a daughter.” — no Republican ever

— Chris Dashiell (@cdashiell) March 16, 2013

If we didn’t have Fox News, more people might notice how shitty the rest of TV news is.

— Chris Dashiell (@cdashiell) March 16, 2013

Wasn’t us.

— ILLUMINATI (@ILLUMlNATI) March 16, 2013

The difference between Medicare and your guns is no one is coming for your guns. fb.me/DNq0P7tV

— LOLGOP (@LOLGOP) March 16, 2013

Marco Rubio’s Chief of Staff just texted the Senator: You should really comment on the Little Dwayne situation, sir.

— LOLGOP (@LOLGOP) March 16, 2013

If only Portman’s son also had trouble finding healthcare because of a pre-existing condition…

— Jason Febery (@JasonFebery) March 16, 2013

Good morning Bombers! Is it really Friday? This week has been so long.

I think the first question may be hard… and the rest rather dull. ;-P

Interrogatories

Today our kids are amazed to learn of the things we didn’t have when we were their age because they hadn’t been invented yet. Can you come up ideas for inventions that their kids will take for granted and be appalled that their parents didn’t have? (This is an imagination exercise – snark welcome.) Do you dream in color? Have you ever had a dream within a dream? When was the last time you tried something new, and what was it? When you shop for groceries, do you read the labels? If so, what are you trying to avoid? Would you rather be at South by Southwest or CPAC?

The Twitter Emitter

#CPAC13 off to great start, say attendees: “We’re getting inspired by the exact same ideas that excited our aging white audience last year”

— The Daily Edge (@TheDailyEdge) March 14, 2013

But that’s the Hitler Obama Muslim Socialism Tyranny state for you. Paying your disability while you recover from 2nd Amendmenting yourself.

— David Waldman (@KagroX) March 14, 2013

Reince Priebus: “We have a plan for 2016. We’ll tell people Hillary murdered a cat, and the single ladies will come back to us in droves.”

— Top Conservative Cat (@TeaPartyCat) March 15, 2013

Mississippi to pass a law that states soda can only come in two sizes “Obese” and “Somebody Get Me a Hand Truck.” bit.ly/YuYXUD

— LOLGOP (@LOLGOP) March 15, 2013

@teapartycat Ann’s devastated about the #NewPope… “But, it was OUR turn!” 😉

— Susan Danzig (@SusanDanzig219) March 15, 2013

Pi Day never really ends, we just cut it off.

— pourmecoffee (@pourmecoffee) March 15, 2013

Have we already talked about the fact that CPAC is held at the Gaylord Hotel?

— kara vallow (@teenagesleuth) March 15, 2013

It’s sad to think how different human history would be if all penises were the same size.

— God (@TheTweetOfGod) March 14, 2013

How high does the Dow have to go before it’s officially socialismed?

— LOLGOP (@LOLGOP) March 14, 2013

Happy Pi Day – it’s just like 4/20 day, but at 3:14 we meet behind the school and do math.

— John Fugelsang (@JohnFugelsang) March 14, 2013

Good morning Bombistas!  Sorry about all the difficult questions. You shouldn’t have forgotten to study! These will be on the test!

Interrogatories

If you could do a thorough “cleansing” of your present life, what would you discard (physical things such as possessions or mental things such as attitudes can apply)?

If you could create your own Heaven, what would it be like? Do you think wisdom comes with age? Do you think you see yourself as others do? What is your favorite body of water?

The Twitter Emittter

ZOMG why won’t Obama finish his budget so the GOP can immediately reject it?????

— Yeggo (@Yeggo) March 13, 2013

How many alter boys are relieved that 115 Cardinals are locked away until the white smoke appears?

— Tom Wellborn (@TLW3) March 13, 2013

Now that we have a Pope, we get that hour of sleep back, right?

— LOLGOP (@LOLGOP) March 13, 2013

The new Holy Father will make some sort of conservative doctrinal pronouncement, and someone will say, “lighten up, Francis!”#HabermusPapum

— Andrew Abshier (@DocAbshier) March 13, 2013

I love how #GOP #RWNJ calls me a moocher for being unemployed while House GOP sits on its ass collecting gov’t checks for doing nothing.

— Moody_Loner (@MoodyLoner) March 13, 2013

To answer the question you’re all asking: House Lannister. Obviously.

— Pope Francis I (@PopeFrancisOne) March 13, 2013

Bad day for Pee Wee Herman: his nemesis Francis gets elected Pope, and he’s super against masturbation.

— Tim Long (@mrtimlong) March 13, 2013

I sort of assumed they’d let J.J. Abrams run the Catholic church too.

— Pope Francis I (@PopeFrancisOne) March 13, 2013

Why didn’t Obama tell us the sequester would kill Google Reader? #impeach

— Danielle(@DCPlod) March 13, 2013

I hope the Argentinian Pope visits Arizona just so Jan Brewer can demand he show his papers.

— John Fugelsang (@JohnFugelsang) March 13, 2013

If its a legitimate RSS reader, Google has a way to shut that down

— Oliver Willis (@owillis) March 13, 2013

The new pope is from a different continent than the last one, but he’s from the same century and it isn’t this one

— Peter Flom (@peterflom) March 13, 2013

White People Make Up 42% of the Poor, But Take in Whopping 69% of Government Benefits | Your Black World yourblackworld.net/2013/03/black-…

— Reginald Hudlin (@reghud) March 13, 2013

Both Paul Ryan and Pope Francis have a commitment to the poor. But Ryan’s commitment is to make more of them.

— LOLGOP (@LOLGOP) March 14, 2013

So apparently Pope Francis ordered Google Reader to shut down?

— Larry Madill (@larrymadill) March 14, 2013