Motley Moose – Archive

Interrogatories

What is the best gift you ever received? What song/book/movie or other title best describes your life right now? What is the last movie/TV show or story that made you cry? With Spring getting ready to spring, what is your favorite spring flower? What did you learn in grade school that you learned was wrong in college?

The Twitter Emitter

It’s going to be a blast picketing Fred Phelps’ funeral.

— David Waldman (@KagroX) April 4, 2013

I sure hope that terrifying new flu doesn’t, you know, “go viral.” Oh. Right.

— Olivier Knox (@OKnox) April 4, 2013

A real Facebook phone would suggest you call people, and you’d have to opt out of autodialing them.

— David Waldman (@KagroX) April 4, 2013

How come nobody’s taken advantage of the slow news week to get famous for something stupid? Where’s the Koran burning guy?

— daveweigel (@daveweigel) April 4, 2013

New Facebook mobile platform Narcissus 1.0 features cutting edge auto-embellishment tech to make the most tedious lives seem interesting.

— pourmecoffee (@pourmecoffee) April 4, 2013

Louie Gohmert knows something about bestiality.

— Chris Dashiell (@cdashiell) April 4, 2013

Why are you so angry? Civilized people suppress their anger until it explodes in unjustified rage at innocent bystanders.

— Chris Dashiell (@cdashiell) April 4, 2013

Trying to unload these “Virginia Is For Sodomy Lovers” t-shirts before it is too late.

— TBogg (@tbogg) April 4, 2013

OK, I’ll admit I’m a sycophant; but only because you’re so amazing & perceptive & wise.

— John Fugelsang (@JohnFugelsang) April 4, 2013

“Of what use is freedom of speech to those who fear to offend?” ― Roger Ebert

— LOLGOP (@LOLGOP) April 4, 2013

The balcony is closed.

— LOLGOP (@LOLGOP) April 4, 2013

Odd that within a single generation the accusation of being all thumbs shifted from being clumsy to being good at texting

— Neil deGrasse Tyson (@neiltyson) April 5, 2013

Interrogatories

Do you think we’ll get flying cars in your lifetime? Do we really want them? Sports fans, who are your teams (any sport)? Are or were you athletic? What athletics or sports were you best at? Is the Designated Hitter really an abomination?

The Twitter Emitter

Why don’t I just destroy Satan? Because then I’d be stuck with no one to blame.

— God (@TheTweetOfGod) April 3, 2013

What did people do on the toilet before cell phones?

— John DeVore (@JohnDeVore) April 3, 2013

I shy away from voicing my opinion that Dennis Rodman is a shitty diplomat.

— William K. Wolfrum (@Wolfrum) April 3, 2013

Facts are for colleges. All colleges are liberal. Thus, facts are liberal and should be ignored. #Conservatisming101

— William K. Wolfrum (@Wolfrum) April 3, 2013

In Paul Ryan’s Bible Jesus doesn’t heal the elderly, he just gives them a voucher and wishes them good luck w/the insurance company

— The Daily Edge (@TheDailyEdge) April 3, 2013

Republican theory of governance is based on the parental practice of beating the crap out of kids for their own good.

— Chris Dashiell (@cdashiell) April 3, 2013

Slippery-slope arguments start great, but before you know it Louie Gohmert says gun control could lead to bestiality:ow.ly/1UxRSl

— Top Conservative Cat (@TeaPartyCat) April 4, 2013

Interesting that on Opposite Day you cannot declare that it is so.

— Neil deGrasse Tyson (@neiltyson) April 4, 2013

Has it ever occurred to you that maybe once in a while I’d like YOU to give ME a pony?

— God (@TheTweetOfGod) April 4, 2013

In polls, Terry McAuliffe leads Ken Cucinelli. That means he’ll win, since Cucinelli thinks coming from behind is illegal.

— Frank Vdl (@fvdlfvdl) April 4, 2013

FACT: new report shows rise in social media like Facebook and twitter have cut attention span in 45 percent of

— DC Debbie (@DCdebbie) April 4, 2013

It’s so nice to finally hear of a college sports scandal that didn’t involve rape. #lookingup

— Elayne Boosler (@ElayneBoosler) April 4, 2013

Interrogatories

What is your earliest memory? What would you like to have more of in your life? What would you like to have less of in your life? If you could have back one hour with any departed friend or family member, what would you want to talk to them about? Not counting music, what is your favorite sound?

The Twitter Emitter

My favorite part of the story of Genesis is the way they regrouped after Peter Gabriel left.

— God (@TheTweetOfGod) April 2, 2013

If you think humanity is constantly on the verge of beastiality, there are specialists you can talk to about that.

— LOLGOP (@LOLGOP) April 2, 2013

Why is it that every time you try to talk like Christ some Christian calls you a socialist?

— John Fugelsang (@JohnFugelsang) April 2, 2013

Other things you can call undocumented Americans: people, neighbors, classmates, workers, parishioners, colleagues, customers, friends.

— pourmecoffee (@pourmecoffee) April 2, 2013

“99 barrels of oil in the ground, 99 barrels of oil. Take 1 down, spill it around, 98 barrels of oil in the ground” #noXLpipeline #FuckExxon

— DC Debbie (@DCdebbie) April 2, 2013

I’m a big believer in the 2nd amendment — especially your right to be well-regulated.

— LOLGOP (@LOLGOP) April 2, 2013

NO ONE CAN TAKE AWAY MY RIGHT TO USE A TERM THAT’S OFFENSIVE TO THE PEOPLE WHO CAN EASILY KEEP MY PARTY OUT OF THE WHITE HOUSE. #tcot

— LOLGOP (@LOLGOP) April 2, 2013

Obama announces an initiative to map the Republican brain to figure out why they think using ‘illegal’ helps them. fb.me/uKvw30M9

— LOLGOP (@LOLGOP) April 2, 2013

Pretty sure banning giant sodas leads to bestiality.

— Lizz Winstead (@lizzwinstead) April 2, 2013

Very rude, licorice jelly beans looking like grape.

— Tim Siedell (@badbanana) April 2, 2013

I’m not saying it’s ideal, but how do we know who is and who isn’t Aryan Brotherhood without detaining all white people?

— Bearded Stoner (@beardedstoner) April 2, 2013

I dream of a world in which nuclear war is all solar.

— Nein. (@NeinQuarterly) April 2, 2013

Let’s turn the safety net into a barbed wire fence, and name it after Reagan.

— Chris Dashiell (@cdashiell) April 2, 2013

Kim Jung Un says North Korea will go to war unless South Korea likes his Facebook page: “I’m tired of paying for sponsored posts.”

— Top Conservative Cat (@TeaPartyCat) April 3, 2013

The Appalachian trail shouldn’t lead to congress #StopSanford

— Peter Flom (@peterflom) April 3, 2013

Never fear, Tea Party, you can evade Obama’s $100 million initiative to map the human brain with a tinfoil hat, which you may already own.

— Top Conservative Cat (@TeaPartyCat) April 3, 2013

“Family Values” Republicans Pick Adulterer To Represent Them In South Carolina, Will Continue To Lecture Gay People On Sanctity Of Marriage

— Oliver Willis (@owillis) April 3, 2013

If corporations really are people then polygamy is already legal.

— John Fugelsang (@JohnFugelsang) April 3, 2013

Interrogatories

How good is your concentration; can you simply shut out unwanted distractions, or do they drive you to distraction?  How susceptible are you to the lure of shiny objects? What kind of shiny objects (it doesn’t really have to shine – it could be that new book you got in the mail) is your favorite? What is your favorite holiday and why?

The Twitter Emitter

If Obama is serious about stopping war, he should send Mitch McConnell to North Korea. There’s nothing McConnell can’t filibuster!

— Top Conservative Cat (@TeaPartyCat) April 1, 2013

Just figured out the problem with having two kids- it’s that you have two kids.

— Sam Seder (@SamSeder) April 1, 2013

The part where Ser Loras changes his sigil to a red equal sign was a bit of a surprise. #GoT

— Nathan Wurtzel (@NathanWurtzel) April 1, 2013

Today is that day where anything you read online could be totally made up. Oh, wait, that’s every day.

— Nick Bilton (@nickbilton) April 1, 2013

Pause a moment to feel the skepticism you have applied to everything on the Internet today. Consider continuing this after April 1.

— pourmecoffee (@pourmecoffee) April 1, 2013

Good thing that no couple of opposite sexes ever got married for financially expedient reasons or that would totally ruin it for EVERYONE.

— Ana Marie Cox (@anamariecox) April 1, 2013

“What do we want?” “A cure for ADHD!” “When do we want it?” “Squirrel!”

— Will Ferrell (@Will___Ferrell) April 1, 2013

North Koreans wouldn’t be worried about our guided-missile destroyer if they all owned shotguns.

— Gen JC Christian (@JC_Christian) April 2, 2013

If mankind has learned one thing from human history, I’d be stunned.

— God (@TheTweetOfGod) April 2, 2013

Happy Belated Easter! I was going to tweet this yesterday, but then it wouldn’t have made any sense.

— Stephen Colbert (@StephenAtHome) April 2, 2013

At this point, it is probably considered to be more politically damaging to like Nickelback than to support gay marriage.

— Frank Vdl (@fvdlfvdl) April 2, 2013

Pentagon investigation reveals that DARPA didn’t invent the internet: “It appears it was the work of a publicist hired by cute cats.”

— Top Conservative Cat (@TeaPartyCat) April 2, 2013

Interrogatories

Have you ever played an April Fool prank on anyone, and if so, what? What April Fool pranks have been played on you?  What qualities do you require in a friend? Name one thing you will never, ever do. Do you like it where you live, or would you live elsewhere if circumstances and money allowed?

The Twitter Emitter

Dana Loesch says spoons are assault weapons. One assaulted her when it got stuck in the same place she keeps her facts.

— Count Istvan (@CountItsvan) March 29, 2013

North Korea declares that if you do that one more time they’ll turn this car right around and there will be no Disney trip

— Dave Wyllie (@journodave) March 29, 2013

North Korea is totally going to TP South Korea’s house, as soon as they get to South Korea and buy some TP.

— allanbrauer (@allanbrauer) March 30, 2013

This Kim Jong-un is a disaster. I wish his Dad had selected his smarter brother — Jeb.

— LOLGOP (@LOLGOP) March 31, 2013

Really good way to gaslight your kids? Hide Easter eggs in all the places they just found them.

— John Berman (@JohnBerman) March 31, 2013

He Is Risen! But if he stays that way for more than four hours, call your doctor.

— Rachel Figueroa (@Jewyorican) March 31, 2013

wind power spill. solar pipeline leak. #thingsthatdontexist

— Oliver Willis (@owillis) March 31, 2013

Father, forgive them, for they know not what they doodle.

— David Waldman (@KagroX) March 31, 2013

Perino’s gonna hit the roof in October when they run the Mark Cuban Missile Crisis doodle.

— David Waldman (@KagroX) March 31, 2013

Exxon pipeline bursts in Arkansas: “Further proof the Keystone XL pipeline will create jobs. At least in environmental cleanup,” says GOP

— The Daily Edge (@TheDailyEdge) March 31, 2013

I resent Egypt trying to ban satire. They should stick to the Republican method of just not getting it.

— LOLGOP (@LOLGOP) March 31, 2013

.@michellemalkin Has Marco Rubio ever apologized for creating Daily Kos?

— Gen JC Christian (@JC_Christian) March 31, 2013

Speaker at our Teaparty rally made a great point. If Ted Cruz is really a scientologist, why did he accept role in “Top Gun”

— Gen JC Christian (@JC_Christian) March 31, 2013

Confusing Hugo and Cesar Chavez is funny. But not as funny as confusing Marco Rubio with a Latino leader.

— LOLGOP (@LOLGOP) March 31, 2013

Every Google Doodle uproar comes down to the same thing: by not reaffirming my beliefs, you’re attacking me.

— Jesse Taylor (@jesseltaylor) March 31, 2013

Really digging the Cesar Chavez Google doodle.

— Jesus Christ (@Jesus_M_Christ) March 31, 2013

Interrogatories

In what ways are you a perfectionist? In what areas are you a purist? Do you say “coke,” “pop,” or “soda?”  Did you inhale? What small act of kindness were you once shown that you will never forget? Have you committed any random acts of kindness lately? If your life were a movie, TV show, or novel, what genre would it fit in best?

The Twitter Emitter

Let’s return to traditional marriage in America. I have 5 goats and 9 cows and I wish to buy Jennifer Lawrence.

— Steve Zanti (@spzanti) March 28, 2013

wonkish used to mean people getting into the policy weeds, now it tends to mean “knows how to do a thing in excel, mainly charts”

— Oliver Willis (@owillis) March 28, 2013

GOP is against marriage equality because it will raise the divorce rate… when so many GOPs divorce their wives in order to marry gay.

— Steve Weinstein (@steveweinstein) March 28, 2013

Believe in yourself, unless you’re a ghost.

— John DeVore (@JohnDeVore) March 28, 2013

I will never hate anything as much as YouTube commenters hate everything.

— attackerman (@attackerman) March 28, 2013

Raising a child to be a #Mets fan now officially counts as child abuse.

— John Fugelsang (@JohnFugelsang) March 28, 2013

Calling Mr. Rodman. Mr. Rodman. Please meet your BFF in Pyongyang. He seems lost and is very scared.

— josh groban (@joshgroban) March 28, 2013

The worst things in life are free, too.

— Will Ferrell (@Will___Ferrell) March 28, 2013

Kim Jong Un of North Korea is like America’s Twitter Troll.With nukes.

— John Fugelsang (@JohnFugelsang) March 28, 2013

So, Nine Inch Nails and the Cure are headlining Lollapalooza. Because it’s all about new music, you know?

— Dave (@D_v_E) March 28, 2013

You know your church has hit a new low, when a ‘Pope’ who cares for the poor is “Groundbreaking!”

— Lipstick Liberal (@LipstickLibShow) March 28, 2013

Interrogatories

Do you usually act on impulse or deliberate first? What cheers you up when you’re feeling meh? What scares you the most? What decade of your life do you look back upon with the most nostalgia? Are you now, in your present life, anywhere close to where you imagined you would be when you were young(er)?

The Twitter Emitter

An Idaho teacher is being investigated for saying “vagina” in his science class. The correct scientific term is▐▐▐▐▐▐

— Chris Dashiell (@cdashiell) March 28, 2013

We need more information about same-sex marriage to make sure it meets the incredibly high-standards of heterosexual marriages.

— LOLGOP (@LOLGOP) March 27, 2013

If Reince Priebus stays in charge of the RNC, I predict by Dec. aborted fetuses will be able to receive free health care while gay marrying

— William K. Wolfrum (@Wolfrum) March 27, 2013

Justice Alito: “I never figured out how to program my VCR. So why should I believe America is ready for gay marriage in 2013?”

— The Daily Edge (@TheDailyEdge) March 27, 2013

If we allow same sex couples to marry it will only degrade the sanctity of all three of Newt Gingrich’s marriages

— United Liberals(@UnitedLiberals) March 27, 2013

Conservatives seem to be down to argument that there couldn’t ever be a gay shotgun wedding.

— Eric Kleefeld (@EricKleefeld) March 27, 2013

REMINDER: Newt Gingrich hasn’t had one divorce since same-sex marriage started becoming legal.

— LOLGOP (@LOLGOP) March 28, 2013

Note: when you’re fighting to achieve marriage equality after Mexico, it’s obviously not ‘too soon.’

— Joshua Holland (@JoshuaHol) March 28, 2013

I have a problem with people who have more of a problem with seeing 2 men kiss than seeing first graders being massacred… #NRA

— Tim (@SupermanHotMale) March 28, 2013

If a fetus is a person with all the rights and immunities of any other citizen, anyone concieved in the US would have US citizenship, right?

— kara vallow (@teenagesleuth) March 27, 2013

Happy Hump Day, H-Bombers.

Have at it!

Interrogatories:

What was your high school life like, fun or miserable or in-between? Are you a joiner (clubs, etc.)? What, if any, religion were you raised in? Are you still? What do you hope to be up to when you are 80? What food is your greatest downfall?

The Twitter Emitter

In honor of Obamacare’s Bday I’m calling Medicare ‘LBJ-Care,’ Soc. Sec. ‘FDR-Care’ & tax cuts for millionaires ‘W-Care.’

— John Fugelsang (@JohnFugelsang) March 25, 2013

If only we could somehow weaponize gay marriage…

— Ana Marie Cox (@anamariecox) March 26, 2013

I can’t be the only person hoping to be able to use this headline on a piece about a major ambassadorial post: “Wintour Is Coming”

— Olivier Knox (@OKnox) March 26, 2013

Intense day. Nice for most Justices to go home and take refuge in the secure intimacy of their state and society sanctioned marriages.

— pourmecoffee (@pourmecoffee) March 26, 2013

To heck w/ world peace. My wish is that we would all learn the difference between “loose” and “lose”. #killingmeAmerica

— Steve Singiser (@stevesingiser) March 26, 2013

Robert Frost was born this day in 1874. He wrote a famous poem about turning off your GPS.

— pourmecoffee (@pourmecoffee) March 26, 2013

RT @sinshinelove: #SafetyTipsForLadies Stay in the womb. It’s the last time you’ll have full personhood anyway.

— Zerlina Maxwell (@ZerlinaMaxwell) March 26, 2013

TONIGHT: “The Bible says marriage is between one man, and that man’s rib. Nothing gay.” @colbertreport, 11:30 p.m.

— Stephen Colbert (@StephenAtHome) March 26, 2013

Justice Scalia: “Why can’t we just pray the gay away like Marcus Bachmann did so successfully?” #loveislove

— The Daily Edge (@TheDailyEdge) March 26, 2013

The slippery slope isn’t gay marriage turns into bestiality marriage. The slippery slope comes when SCOTUS makes a ruling based on the Bible

— William K. Wolfrum (@Wolfrum) March 27, 2013

Man walking cat on leash while smoking a cigarette just wished me a “Perfect Passover.”It is now, sir. It is now.

— Matt Dornic(@mdornic) March 27, 2013

Does anyone know what day this week the obsessive anticipatory tweeting about Game of Thrones is scheduled to begin?

— TBogg (@tbogg) March 27, 2013

Do I have this right? The questions Justice Kennedy asked at the #Prop8 oral arguments mean Louisville’s gonna win the NCAA tournament?

— WeeLaura (@WeeLaura) March 27, 2013

So I breathed in some GMO corn pollen. Do I need to pay Monsanto a royalty?

— Justice Putnam (@justiceputnam) March 27, 2013

With grape powerade comes grape responsibilityade.

— Tim Siedell (@badbanana) March 27, 2013

America leads the world in putting cheese on things.

— God (@TheTweetOfGod) March 27, 2013

Top o’ the Tuesday to ya, Bombtemps!

Interrogatories

Is there anything special you are looking forward to right now? Is there anybody that you envy? What have you learned recently? It’s National Spinach Day, how do you like your spinach? Do you ever practice austerity in your own life, such as cutting back on chocolate or coffee?

The Twitter Emitter

God is inside us all. He just happens to be located in the appendix.

— William K. Wolfrum (@Wolfrum) March 25, 2013

Did anyone else think that FGCU was an obscene texting acronym the first time they saw it?

— Will Bunch (@Will_Bunch) March 25, 2013

The most miraculous thing about Jesus was that he was the only white guy within 20 miles.

— God (@TheTweetOfGod) March 23, 2013

Why does libertarianism fear the workings of power & greed in government, but ignore the same vices in business?

— Chris Dashiell (@cdashiell) March 25, 2013

Bloomberg better get on Manischewitz. It’s basically a bag of sugar with a grape squeezed over it.

— pourmecoffee (@pourmecoffee) March 25, 2013

Wayne LaPierre: “Mayor Bloomberg’s efforts to push for background checks are insane. He can’t buy America. Only the NRA can buy America.”

— Top Conservative Cat (@TeaPartyCat) March 25, 2013

Reince Priebus: “Republican policies are not the problem. Our communications are the problem. We have to avoid communicating our policies”

— The Daily Edge (@TheDailyEdge) March 26, 2013

You never hear stories about people who think their wives or girlfriends are intruders and pummel them with their fists or a baseball bat.

— David Waldman (@KagroX) March 26, 2013

Republicans want to protect the sanctity of marriage between a woman, a man and his mistress.

— DC Debbie (@DCdebbie) March 26, 2013

Justice Anthony Kennedy asks people “to stop referring to me as ‘the swing justice on gay marriage.'”

— Top Conservative Cat (@TeaPartyCat) March 26, 2013

I’m never going to finish reading the Internet if you people keep adding more pages.

— JerryThomas (@JerryThomas) March 26, 2013

Happy Monday, Bomb-critters! It was a lovely weekend, wasn’t it?

Interrogatories

What is your primary form of transportation? (Mine are feet and bus.) Is there anything that you continue to do the old school way even though there are new, labor saving ways to do it? What labor saving device do you wish someone would invent? What stereotype that applies to your gender annoys you the most? What do you wish your life had more of? What do you wish your life had less of?

The Twitter Emitter

With some of you it’s like I don’t even exist.

— God (@TheTweetOfGod) March 23, 2013

“So what’s to prevent three people from getting married?” “Is it legal for heterosexuals to do that? No? Then shut your festering gob.”

— Chris Dashiell (@cdashiell) March 23, 2013

Every dog has its day. For my dogs, that day is “every.”

— William K. Wolfrum (@Wolfrum) March 24, 2013

Instead of the $50 bill, we should put Reagan’s face on food stamps, so the poors remember who to blame.

— kara vallow (@teenagesleuth) March 24, 2013

If someone had just told me that sleeping was “art,” I could have been one the planet’s greatest artists.

— William K. Wolfrum (@Wolfrum) March 24, 2013

I don’t care about Powerball unless it’s above $400 million. Then it’s real money.

— Jesse Taylor (@jesseltaylor) March 24, 2013

I’d be more optimistic about the Supreme Court ruling for equal marriage if I could think of some way it would help right wing billionaires.

— LOLGOP (@LOLGOP) March 24, 2013

If Obamacare kills Papa Johns, Applebees, Denny’s, and Dairy Queen then it will have already improved everyone’s health 100%

— Larry Madill (@larrymadill) November 15, 2012

its not media’s job to stop a war. it is the media’s job to inform the public about the truth about why we might go to war.

— Oliver Willis (@owillis) March 24, 2013

90% of my male friends in Brazil are Gay. The last 3 bars I’ve been to were gay bars. Yet, no matter how hard I try I can’t choose to be gay

— William K. Wolfrum (@Wolfrum) March 24, 2013

Even a broken clock is right more often than Michele Bachmann

— The Daily Edge (@TheDailyEdge) March 24, 2013

I say we lock Peggy Noonan and Maureen Dowd in a cage with vodka, and then see if they bore each other to death

— Larry Madill (@larrymadill) March 24, 2013

I look forward to the day when everyone’s marriage, gay and straight, is equally tedious and annoying to hear about to me.

— pourmecoffee (@pourmecoffee) March 24, 2013

Arguing that welfare recipients need to pee in a cup but psychotic criminals just need cash to buy a gun seems so pro-psychotic criminal

— The Daily Edge (@TheDailyEdge) March 24, 2013

Next on Hannity: Why can’t Hollywood Celebs just shut up? Sean finds out with Jon Voigt, Victoria Jackson & Chuck Norris.

— John Fugelsang (@JohnFugelsang) March 24, 2013