Motley Moose – Archive

Interrogatories

It’s International Tuba Day. Do you have a favorite tune in which the tuba features prominently?

Mobile phone owners – do you still remember any phone numbers, or do you rely on the  phone to remember them for you?

Did you ever dislike a movie enough to walk out of the theater mid-film? Which ones?

Do you have any crushes on any famous people? If so, who?

The Twitter Emitter

Paul Ryan: “Well, sure, Meals On Wheels was cut by The Sequester™, but I’m sure seniors are glad for the opportunity to get out more.”

— Top Conservative Cat (@TeaPartyCat) May 2, 2013

Elitists are assaulting your right to not know how to spell.

— Chris Dashiell (@cdashiell) May 2, 2013

If you think it’s smart to destroy evidence for your terrorist friend, I am going to suggest to you that maybe you’re not college material.

— pourmecoffee (@pourmecoffee) May 2, 2013

IDEA: Call Guantánamo Bay “public housing for Muslims” and the GOP will immediately shut it down. bit.ly/131lTAX

— LOLGOP (@LOLGOP) May 2, 2013

Behind every right wing pronouncement is hatred of something or someone.

— Chris Dashiell (@cdashiell) May 2, 2013

You wouldn’t want to let Plan B to fall into the hands of some irresponsible teenager — WHO WILL THEN HAVE A BABY.

— LOLGOP (@LOLGOP) May 2, 2013

I agree we shld legalize pot but we need to still be able to make jokes about indolence and munching #myplatform

— Josh Marshall (@joshtpm) May 2, 2013

I must thank the GOP for deciding it was their job to destroy Marco Rubio & Chris Christie while leaving their unelectable candidates to me.

— LOLGOP (@LOLGOP) May 2, 2013

The most reliable way to make money is to buy a solid business, loot it for personal gain, destroy it and run like hell.#business

— Pachacutec(@Pachacutec_) May 2, 2013

Benghazi, Bengheezy, Hasenpfeffer Incorporated.

— eclecticbrotha (@eclecticbrotha) May 2, 2013

The fact that condoms are available for all without much fuss, but Plan B creates so much panic says it all, doesn’t it?

— Amanda Marcotte (@AmandaMarcotte) May 2, 2013

If you can be too young to drive; too young to vote; too young to drink; to young to marry – why can’t you be too young to have a GUN?

— Peter Flom (@peterflom) May 2, 2013

Interrogatories

Have you or anyone you know actually bought anything from spammers?

Have you made the acquaintance of any Nigerian princes?

Have you ever tried truffles? Which kind, and did you like them?

What is your favorite charity?

Do you still read an actual newspaper? Which one?

The Twitter Emitter

In a stunning blow to satirists everywhere, Gov. Jan Brewer has outlawed the killing of guns by people.

— Top Conservative Cat (@TeaPartyCat) April 30, 2013

My govt passed legislation to make unions and First Nations more accountable. Also, my govt can’t account for $3.1B #cdnpoli

— Not Steve Harper (@pmoharper) April 30, 2013

Conservatives: “We are SO disgusted by Gosnell’s illegal actions that we want to make ALL abortions illegal so this happens more often”

— The Daily Edge (@TheDailyEdge) April 30, 2013

Before Twitter I used to have to fight with people I know.

— Joshua Malina (@JoshMalina) April 30, 2013

People like to imagine Me coming down to end civilization because it’s less scary than imagining being left alone and doing it yourselves.

— God (@TheTweetOfGod) May 1, 2013

My favorite thing about having a cat is that I no longer have control over my life.

— Matt Binder (@MattBinder) May 1, 2013

Ppl are giving their kids guns. A big day for me was when I thought mine could handle permanent markers.

— Hunter (@HunterDK) May 1, 2013

You wouldn’t want to let Plan B to fall into the hands of some irresponsible teenager — WHO WILL THEN HAVE A BABY.

— LOLGOP (@LOLGOP) May 1, 2013

Life is like a box of chocolates. It’s really bad for you.

— God (@TheTweetOfGod) May 1, 2013

Interrogatories

How many of the month-long observances listed below apply to you?

What’s your favorite Mother Goose rhyme?

If you’ve ever really liked a TV commercial, which one(s)?

Describe the perfect sandwich.

What scarier, spiders or snakes?

The Twitter Emitter

I once had a big audition for an AT&T commercial but I dropped out halfway thru.

— John Fugelsang (@JohnFugelsang) April 29, 2013

Three cops have accidentally shot themselves in the last five days. Can’t wait for them to be in every classroom.

— David Waldman (@KagroX) April 29, 2013

Hell is reserved for people who believe others are going there.

— God (@TheTweetOfGod) April 30, 2013

@cdashiell Indeed. “A conservative is someone who stands athwart history, yelling ‘Stop!'”

— Jason Febery (@JasonFebery) April 30, 2013

Letting corporate donors pay for wedding catering is threatening my traditional marriage.

— David Waldman (@KagroX) April 30, 2013

When Jennifer Rubin & Ted Cruz fight, we all win.

— William K. Wolfrum (@Wolfrum) April 30, 2013

If the Founding Fathers were alive today, they’d quickly realize they probably should have worked harder to stay British.

— William K. Wolfrum (@Wolfrum) April 30, 2013

If you hate liberals and want a conservative religious gov’t w/no abortion or gay marriage, Iran is waiting for YOU.

— John Fugelsang (@JohnFugelsang) April 30, 2013

I guess it makes some sense that the WH press corps overstates the president’s power. That means they’re more important for covering him.

— David Waldman (@KagroX) April 30, 2013

“Why won’t Obama try harder to destroy all the horcruxes then use the Elder Wand to pass his agenda?”

— pourmecoffee (@pourmecoffee) April 30, 2013

Hard to tell the difference between White House press corps mindlessly feeding on Saturday, and “doing their job” today.

— Chris Dashiell (@cdashiell) April 30, 2013

Studies show that 100% of studies cited by right-wingers are phony.

— Chris Dashiell (@cdashiell) April 30, 2013

With God all things are possible; but with money all things are probable. And with a good accountant, they’re all deductible.

— God (@TheTweetOfGod) April 30, 2013

“Muslim headscarves? What a cruel & primitive superstition!” said the circumcised Western man.

— John Fugelsang (@JohnFugelsang) April 30, 2013

The best way to not lose hope is never to have it.

— God (@TheTweetOfGod) April 30, 2013

Interrogatories

For National Oatmeal Cookie Day and National Raisin Day, would you prefer the two combined, or is raisins in anything an abomination?

Are you now, or have you ever been, a member of the AARP?

If you are too young, are you in the habit of traipsing on the lawns of old people?

Have you ever had a hairstylist really mess up your hair? How so?

The Twitter Emitter

Conservatives seem to love America, but hate everyone in it.

— Highly scatological (@RaisingOneBrow) April 28, 2013

A year and a half ago, Rick Perry wanted to eliminate the Department of Energy. He plans to power Texas with explosions.

— Highly scatological (@RaisingOneBrow) April 29, 2013

Jason Collins is threatening my traditional ignoring of basketball.

— David Waldman (@KagroX) April 29, 2013

Love to read the NYT story revealing massive CIA cash transfers to UNICEF.

— Micah Zenko (@MicahZenko) April 29, 2013

a wedding is the most beautiful gift you can ever give to your parents’ friends.

— John Fugelsang (@JohnFugelsang) April 29, 2013

Sandra Day O’Connor joins Robert McNamara & Colin Powell in the Tardy Realization Hall of Fame.

— Chris Dashiell (@cdashiell) April 30, 2013

People who criticize the Bible should keep in mind it was My first novel.

— God (@TheTweetOfGod) April 30, 2013

Dear Subaru: maybe “the backseat of my Subaru is where my daughter grew up” could have been written differently?

— Olivier Knox (@OKnox) April 30, 2013

We’re near a great moment in American history. Coming out as a homophobe will soon be more damaging to your career than coming out as gay.

— LOLGOP (@LOLGOP) April 30, 2013

Rick Santorum: “This Jason Collins news means I will now spend each waking moment imagining gay athletes AND gay soldiers taking showers”

— The Daily Edge (@TheDailyEdge) April 30, 2013

Ted Cruz is like the GOP’s own Allstate Mayhem guy.

— pourmecoffee (@pourmecoffee) April 29, 2013

Interrogatories

In what ways do you consider yourself to be creative?

What is your favorite dance/type of dancing?

Are you more of a participator or observer?

What do you think is the single most important/contributory factor in the dumbing down of America?

The Twitter Emitter

If its Sunday its Meet the Press with your host John McCain. John’s guests today include NBC’s David Gregory. #MTP

— CentralScrutinizer (@hicksrick) April 28, 2013

Homophobia is a sacred union between a man and his bigotry.

— God (@TheTweetOfGod) April 28, 2013

65% of NJ residents say they are worried that warmer weather increases the risk of being shouted at by Chris Christie tmz.com/2012/07/06/chr…

— The Daily Edge (@TheDailyEdge) April 28, 2013

@johnfugelsang Semiautomatics are hunting weapons! People hunting

— PlankySmith (@PlankySmith) April 28, 2013

If Obama library had only one exhibit: “He stopped McCain/Palin from governing,” a grateful nation would still flock to see it.

— pourmecoffee (@pourmecoffee) April 28, 2013

When blow-dried script-readers like Tom Brokaw started to believe they had wisdom to share, journalism atrophied a little bit more.

— Chris Dashiell (@cdashiell) April 28, 2013

The John McCain Memorial should be a list of the wars we didn’t let him start.

— LOLGOP (@LOLGOP) April 28, 2013

Jack the Ripper reevaluated: he kept our neighborhoods safe from vice.

— Chris Dashiell (@cdashiell) April 28, 2013

Imagine if Marlboro tried to say “cigarettes don’t kill people, people kill people.” #gunsense twitter.com/TheDailyEdge/s…

— The Daily Edge (@TheDailyEdge) April 28, 2013

When 9/11 truthers emerged, dem politicians ignored them. When conserve conspiracy theorists come out, GOPers hold hearings on their claims.

— Kurt Eichenwald (@kurteichenwald) April 28, 2013

#Facebook paid $0 corporate income tax on $1B in profits in 2012, but Paul Ryan still insists we can make it up by killing #Medicare

— The Daily Edge (@TheDailyEdge) April 28, 2013

just saying: Whenever I “retweet” I think about Barbara Walters

— Craig Crawford (@craig_crawford) April 28, 2013

Tonight on Game of Thrones: after he de-tongues the new court jester, Joffrey kills at the King’s Landing Correspondents’ Dinner.

— Josh Greenman (@joshgreenman) April 28, 2013

If you named your son Luke but have never dropped the “I am your father” line on them, why did you even bother?

— Death Star PR (@DeathStarPR) April 28, 2013

Just bought pretzels and it’s not even National Pretzel Day.

— Josh Greenman (@joshgreenman) April 28, 2013

Good news for at-risk families no longer receiving baby formula: No more flight delays for business travelers! #sequester #priorities

— The Daily Edge (@TheDailyEdge) April 29, 2013

Interrogatories

Did your parents approve in your choice of boy/girlfriends?

Did you ever get grounded? What for?

Did you hang out with the geeks or the jocks in school?

Who were you named after?

Do you/did you have any imaginary friends?

The Twitter Emitter

Obama dropped the ball when he failed to arrest Lindsey Graham for radical stupidity. #p2 #inners

— Joseph J. Santorsa (@Marnus3) April 24, 2013

Santorum: “Gay marriage will destroy France, even if it hasn’t harmed anyone in Belgium, Canada, Norway, Spain, Sweden or South Africa”

— The Daily Edge (@TheDailyEdge) April 24, 2013

You gotta give George W. Bush credit – his fierce determination to never learn anything about anything is impressive

— William K. Wolfrum (@Wolfrum) April 25, 2013

Dear Republicans: Maybe if you were honest about what you think, people would stop secretly recording you.

— William K. Wolfrum (@Wolfrum) April 25, 2013

The George W. Bush Presidential Library is being dedicated today. After the ceremony, guests will be served coffee and yellowcake.

— Top Conservative Cat (@TeaPartyCat) April 25, 2013

Fun Fact: Today is the first day George W. Bush ever actually stepped foot in a library.

— Andrew Gatto (@AndrewGatto) April 25, 2013

I think Barbara Bush speaks for all of America when she says, “We’ve had enough Bushes” in White House.

— DC Debbie (@DCdebbie) April 25, 2013

9/11 really happened under Clinton, because it was too early in Bush’s term to blame him. Same with Obama and the recession, right? Oh.

— Chris Dashiell (@cdashiell) April 25, 2013

The George W. Bush Library opening on Take Your Kids to Work Day should remind us that not all kids can do their parents’ jobs.

— LOLGOP (@LOLGOP) April 25, 2013

If I was a bombing suspect my Mom would be on CNN saying “Please don’t kill him. Let his me and his father do it for you.”

— Denis Leary (@denisleary) April 25, 2013

Pete King is right: we should imprison extremist terror supporters, start with Pete King.

— rootless (@root_e) April 25, 2013

“Colonel” is pronounced “kernel,” but I’m the one who’s high.

— Bearded Stoner (@beardedstoner) April 25, 2013

You know what, let’s end this “Battle over Obesity,” and put on a “Battle over Things Sold to the Public as ‘Food’.” Do that.

— mermaid with wings (@AquaGoddessDC) April 25, 2013

Interrogatories

Those of you who are married – church or civil? Did you spend a lot of money or go frugal?

Did you go to your prom? Do you still know your date from that night?

Have you ever been on TV? If so, do tell.

What is better, sunrise or sunset?

How long can you hold a grudge?

The Twitter Emitter

I could have been a douchebag. But I decided to read George Orwell instead of Ayn Rand.

— Chris Dashiell (@cdashiell) April 25, 2013

If cavemen had Twitter we would still not have fire nyr.kr/11kohzv

— Andy Borowitz (@BorowitzReport) April 25, 2013

Just because Tamerlan Tsarnaev listened to Alex Jones’ show, doesn’t make it Alex Jones’ fault. Obviously it’s the Koran’s fault.

— Top Conservative Cat (@TeaPartyCat) April 24, 2013

That there are no facts whatsoever now that support austerity only makes it more attractive to conservatives.

— William K. Wolfrum (@Wolfrum) April 24, 2013

Rhode Island has passed marriage equality! What a divine act of Providence.

— God (@TheTweetOfGod) April 24, 2013

My Laptop is so old I just caught it watching ‘The O’Reilly Factor.’

— John Fugelsang (@JohnFugelsang) April 24, 2013

I’ll never forget the day Donald Trump tracked down Jon Stewart’s Jewish certificate.

— LOLGOP (@LOLGOP) April 24, 2013

I mean, who needs Chechen terrorists when you have the Texas Occupational Safety and Health Administration?

— kara vallow (@teenagesleuth) April 24, 2013

We should make up a whole new minority just to watch how fast the GOP hates them.

— Ethan Peretz (@MperiousRex) April 24, 2013

If they sold guns at polling places would you still need an ID? – #LibCrib

— J R Levesque (@Enernoj) April 24, 2013

Interrogatories

Do you still live near where you grew up, or did you end up living far away? If you are still in the same area, did you ever live far away?

What is the farthest you’ve ever been from home?

Do you get homesick, and if so, how long does it take to kick in?

Are you short, tall, or in-between?

The Twitter Emitter

We need a law requiring all guns to be manufactured to look like women’s reproductive organs so the GOP will finally agree to regulate them.

— Miss O’Kistic (@missokistic) April 18, 2013

It would all make sense if we found out congress gave a cash bonus for the member who could say the stupidest thing each week #justsayin #P2

— Jean Esselink (@Uncucumbered) April 22, 2013

Study: People who routinely confuse correlation and causation are usually stupid

— Josh Greenman (@joshgreenman) April 22, 2013

So, since last week – has there been a run on pressure cooker sales?

— Pirate Wench (@PirateWench) April 22, 2013

GOP:It’s TOO SOON after Newtown to talk about gun control.We JUST had a terrorist attack so NOW is the time to suspend the Constitution.

— Top Conservative Cat (@TeaPartyCat) April 22, 2013

Exactly how do we know that these Boston Bombing guys aren’t working for the #GOP so they can block Immigration legislation???

— Pirate Wench (@PirateWench) April 22, 2013

What if squirrels are the advance scouts for a massive alien invasion and all these years, dogs were just trying to warn us?

— JRehling (@JRehling) April 23, 2013

So George R.R. Martin is a Jets fan? This may explain how he can create an entire universe where nothing good ever happens. #GOT

— Jane McManus (@janesports) April 23, 2013

“I am a US Senator, duly elected by the people of the State of… uh… the State of… um. Hold on, I’ll ask one of my lobbyists.”

— bleusharque (@bleusharque) April 23, 2013

The universe is filled with beautiful things that you probably stepped on while staring at your phone.

— RC deWinter (@RCdeWinter) April 23, 2013

Interrogatories

It’s National Picnic Day. What would your ideal picnic basket contain?

What would be the perfect picnic location?

Do you remember the New Coke? Did you try it? Was it bad?

If you could kill any one Federal law, which one would it be?

If you could create one Federal law, what would it be?

The Twitter Emitter

The best thing about atheists is they never blame Me.

— God (@TheTweetOfGod) April 16, 2013

Protip: If you keep saying over and over in public that you’re living in tyranny and no one stops you, you’re not living in tyranny.

— LOLGOP (@LOLGOP) April 17, 2013

Editing a thing. Author uses two spaces after periods. Sometimes three. THE SLIPPERY SLOPE IS REAL, PEOPLE!!!

— Evan Mintz (@evan7257) April 17, 2013

There’s no crime in being ignorant. Problems arise when people whodon’t know they’re ignorant rise to power.

— Neil deGrasse Tyson (@neiltyson) April 18, 2013

It takes a big man with a gun to stand up to an emotionally-bullying woman who has been shot in the head. #newNRAslogan

— TBogg (@tbogg) April 18, 2013

The criminals who killed 3 people in Boston were caught. Those who killed 15 in West, TX (by cutting safety&inspections) are still at large.

— Jorge Stolfi (@JorgeStolfi) April 20, 2013

.@joshtpm The only reason gold tanked is that investors had to sell it off to cover their Bitcoin margin calls.

— Fake Alan Bostick (@FakeAlanBostick) April 20, 2013

These Republicans say no so much I’ll bet they wake up with morning wouldn’t.

— Lizz Winstead (@lizzwinstead) April 20, 2013

The early bird waits in line for two hours for the artisinal worm at that new brunch place in NoLita.

— Nate Silver (@fivethirtyeight) April 21, 2013

Liz Cheney is angry the Boston suspect may be read his rights. Millions are angrier her dad was never read his.

— LOLGOP (@LOLGOP) April 22, 2013

I hope nothing happens this week. NOTHING.

— kara vallow (@teenagesleuth) April 22, 2013

What’s with Canada using “detective work” and “police procedure” to nab terrorists, instead of panic and bigotry? bit.ly/1259o5U

— Zandar (@ZandarVTS) April 22, 2013

Interrogatories

If you had a Spirit Animal/Power Animal/familiar, what would it be?

Do you have a lucky number?

TV: Cable or Satellite or just plain broadcast?

Internet: Dial-up, DSL, Cable or Satellite?

The Twitter Emitter

This includes the best of the tweets during the manhunt last week:

Boston Bombing: a conspiracy by President Obama to take away your pressure cookers.

— A. Deno Vir, MD PhD (@Adenovir) April 18, 2013

Why are these morons on CNN still on the air and still talking? Better question, why am I watching CNN?

— Steve Weinstein (@steveweinstein) April 18, 2013

Why won’t White People denouce the violence from these white terrorists?!?

— Jeff Fecke (@jkfecke) April 18, 2013

Today I learned that as long as you start out your news report with, “We are hearing…” that you can say pretty much anything after that.

— Fake Dispatch (@Fake_Dispatch) April 19, 2013

RT @hijinksensue: “We don’t have any more information so we’re just going to be quiet for a few minutes.” – No cable news network ever.

— Ray Radlein (@Radlein) April 19, 2013

Area Reporter Totally Bluffs Knowledge of Chechen Terrorism Based on History Channel Thing He Saw One Time

— daveweigel (@daveweigel) April 19, 2013

. @hayesbrown OMG! The perpetrators are Caucasian! Always was something something fishy about them Caucasians…

— Jill Groce (@AuntJill) April 19, 2013

I DON’T UNDERSTAND WHICH SEASON OF 24 THIS IS.

— FakeSarahPalin (@FakeSarahPalin) April 19, 2013

Somewhere out there Boehner and Cantor are screaming, “stop the search for the killer, we can’t afford it”

— Ron Perlman (@perlmutations) April 19, 2013

How far is Chechnya from Uzbeki-beki-beki-stan-stan?

— McKay Coppins (@mckaycoppins) April 19, 2013

This situation is going to end up making Dzhokhar a relatively unpopular name.

— God (@TheTweetOfGod) April 19, 2013

He’s nineteen. Wait till midnight and you can lure him out with a Cool Ranch Doritos Loco Taco on a string.

— TBogg (@tbogg) April 19, 2013

“Step aside, officers. I’m from Reddit.”

— Luke Zimmermann (@lukezim) April 20, 2013

BREAKING: NATION CHEERS END OF CNN’S COVERAGE

— Andy Borowitz (@BorowitzReport) April 20, 2013

Remember when you watched 24 and you were like, “how can all that shit happen in one day?”

— Justin Robert Young (@JustinRYoung) April 20, 2013

i hope the tea party learned that boston, massachusetts is why we need government & west, texas is why we need government regulations

— Calvin (@Calloy811) April 20, 2013

I’m shocked that the suspect wasn’t captured by the free market and private citizens exercising their second amendment rights.

— Miles Kurland (@Malacandra) April 20, 2013

Interesting to know that our Senate just voted to allow guys like this to legally buy guns without a background check

— John Legend (@johnlegend) April 20, 2013

I think Roof Guy should make a public statement.

— Brian Beutler (@brianbeutler) April 20, 2013