Motley Moose – Archive

Interrogatories

Are you a blood donor? Do you know your blood type?

Drinkers – what is your favorite kind of whiskey?

What feeling do you have the most difficulty controlling?

What feeling do you have the most difficulty expressing?

Do you enjoy talking on the phone?

The Twitter Emitter

REMINDER: The GOP is using all these scandals to argue we should not trust the government to do anything except make women's medical choices

— LOLGOP (@LOLGOP) June 9, 2013

Republicans in 30 states proposing new voting laws that would require citizens to possess either a photo ID or a white penis

— The Daily Edge (@TheDailyEdge) June 9, 2013

Reaganomics – n. the belief that having a middle class is highly overrated http://t.co/e9lbusHIhy

— LOLGOP (@LOLGOP) June 9, 2013

Dad used to say, "Privacy is like food. There isn't any."

— KimJongNumberUn (@KimJongNumberUn) June 10, 2013

Reminds all you anti-alcohol Christians that in The Bible Jesus is the leading cause of drinking at parties.

— John Fugelsang (@JohnFugelsang) June 11, 2013

Maybe you should be allowed to support another war you won't fight yourself only after you undergo and intrusive ultrasound probe.

— Steve Weinstein (@steveweinstein) June 13, 2013

Trying to imagine something funnier than a Rupert Murdoch FOX News anchor complaining abt someone listening to your calls.

— John Fugelsang (@JohnFugelsang) June 13, 2013

We should send all NRA members that own AK-47's & the like over to Syria to kill Assad. Let them have fun with their toys.

— Michael (@Bullgadash) June 13, 2013

I betcha the Chinese know what really happened in Benghazi.

— kara vallow (@teenagesleuth) June 14, 2013

Curious that it's always a female computer voice that calmly announces self-destruct sequences and other violent disasters.

— Neil deGrasse Tyson (@neiltyson) June 14, 2013

Interrogatories

Are you good at making eye contact with strangers (like cashiers, etc.)? (I’m told by these people that it is rare.)

Do you believe in evil? If not, how to explain Hitler? Cheney?

Would you want to read the story of your life?

Do you think that blood ties have anything to do with “family?”

If you could live and be healthy without needing either sleep or food and drink, which of the two would you rather do without?

The Twitter Emitter

A Performance Review is where someone says you’re doing a perfect job & we’ll need you to start doing it all differently.

— John Fugelsang (@JohnFugelsang) June 11, 2013

People say Sunday morning shows are a snooze but you’re missing the David Gregory/John McCain sexual tension subplot.

— LOLGOP (@LOLGOP) June 9, 2013

It’s a shame Ted Stevens isn’t around to ask in which tube was Edward Snowden hiding

— Ben Jacobs (@Bencjacobs) June 12, 2013

Techies: Anyone know how to convert an HTML file to Christianity? I tried baptizing the computer but it only made it worse.

— God (@TheTweetOfGod) June 12, 2013

Hodor would be perfect for Congress. He’s a loyal servant of powerful interests and loves to hear the sound of his own name.

— pourmecoffee (@pourmecoffee) June 12, 2013

I think we need mandatory cranial ultrasounds for Republican politicians to see if they have a brain.

— Frank Vdl (@fvdlfvdl) June 12, 2013

What percentage of Republicans are okay with government surveillance when its done via ultrasound? fb.me/201ZFljkR

— LOLGOP (@LOLGOP) June 12, 2013

MT @ap: BREAKING: CIA deputy director Michael Morell resigns to spend more time with your family.

— roadkillrefugee (@rkref) June 12, 2013

Knock Knock. Who’s there? #NSA. NSA who? NSA-you say on the phone could be shared with the government. #ITried

— DC Debbie (@DCdebbie) June 12, 2013

Republicans say they want to enforce the laws on the books, then refuse to confirm anyone to head the department that enforces those laws…

— Will McAvoy (@WillMcAvoyACN) June 12, 2013

I’m very happy that every dumbass thing I said or did as a teen isn’t recorded on the internet.

— Unstable Isotope (@UnstableIsotope) June 13, 2013

Interrogatories

Do you have an embarrassing middle name?

What would your parents have named you if you were born the opposite sex?

Are you any good at lying?

Have you ever been on TV?

Can you pinpoint the main thing responsible for the Dumbing Down of America?

The Twitter Emitter

If you are young mentally ill man in america who wants to shoot people it’s an amazing time to be alive.

— DanGoodman (@danielgoodman) June 11, 2013

The morning after pill is available, which is wrong. Bush didn’t have a Plan B for Iraq, so why should teenage girls get to have one?

— Top Conservative Cat (@TeaPartyCat) June 11, 2013

So the Pope has admitted to a “Gay Lobby” at the Vatican. I suspect most of the guest rooms are pretty gay, too 😉

— Suzanne Munshower (@expatina) June 11, 2013

There’s always the possibility that #Snowden just picked a really elaborate way to break up with a girlfriend.

— John Fugelsang (@JohnFugelsang) June 11, 2013

Donald Trump calling Edward Snowden a ‘grandstander’ is like Donald Trump calling Edward Snowden “mr. stupid hair.’

— John Fugelsang (@JohnFugelsang) June 11, 2013

When you really stop and think about it, you realize you probably shouldn’t stop and think about it.

— God (@TheTweetOfGod) June 11, 2013

I wish these protesters in Turkey who are currently being gassed & beaten would hurry up, show some heroism and steal some documents.

— William K. Wolfrum (@Wolfrum) June 11, 2013

@wolfrum next NSA disclosure code named “Red Brunch”

— Oliver Willis (@owillis) June 11, 2013

Pope Francis admitted that there is “gay lobby” in the Vatican, which Rick Santorum desperately hopes is just a brightly-painted foyer.

— Top Conservative Cat (@TeaPartyCat) June 11, 2013

Makes me so mad that because it involves foreigner, NSA can spy on sweet deal I have going with cousin of late Nigerian Finance Minister.

— pourmecoffee (@pourmecoffee) June 11, 2013

Darrell Issa: “It would be reckless to release my IRS investigation transcripts. Because then people would see I have no fucking evidence”

— The Daily Edge (@TheDailyEdge) June 11, 2013

No increase in wages for you, sorry. But here’s a stick. You’re free to hit an immigrant.

— Chris Dashiell (@cdashiell) June 12, 2013

Interrogatories

It’s Corn on the Cob Day. How do you prepare/prefer it? Grilled, boiled, roasted? With butter, or mayo and chile powder, or something else or not at all?

Have you switched from incandescent bulbs to CFLs  yet? If you switched, did you notice a difference in cost?

A lot of people I know have nasty summer colds now. Do you know any good home remedies?

How careful are you with your information online? If a website wants to know your location, for instance? Or if they want access to your Facebook account (if you have one)?

The Twitter Emitter

Now listen here, lamestream media– Marco Rubio has NOT changed his policy on immigration. It has always been whatever people want to hear.

— Top Conservative Cat (@TeaPartyCat) June 9, 2013

I can still remember when Republicans thought it was a scandal if you didn’t want the government to spy on you. fb.me/BvQe0Dze

— LOLGOP (@LOLGOP) June 9, 2013

Same Republicans who endorsed NSA surveillance in Patriot Act also endorsed criminals buying guns for cash w/no background check #freedom

— The Daily Edge (@TheDailyEdge) June 9, 2013

All the gullible people should be rounded up and put in worldly wisdom camps.

— Chris Dashiell (@cdashiell) June 9, 2013

Every time you sing “What a Friend We Have in Jesus” I’m reminded how much I disapprove of My son’s friends.

— God (@TheTweetOfGod) June 9, 2013

You know how in the movies they rub the drugs on their gums to test it? I do that, too, except I do it with chocolate.

— Chesty Shimmerbottom (@cindasmommy) June 10, 2013

They say you shouldn’t take this sleep medication with alcohol but I actually feel perfectly noodle.

— Danny Zuker (@DannyZuker) June 10, 2013

Was going to take the trash out, but there was a moth on the screen door and this is why you’ll never see me on “Survivor.”

— Just Bill (@WilliamAder) June 10, 2013

Rand Paul is a lot like MLK, if MLK had been a kinda dim, spoiled, empathy deficient ugly white guy.

— rootless (@root_e) June 10, 2013

Interrogatories

Iced tea – sweetened or unsweetened?

What are your favorite musical genres?

Have you ever solved Rubik’s Cube?

Patios or decks?

Ocean, lake, or swimming pool?

The Twitter Emitter

“Something I direly warned about came true! Thank God I have a record of racist newsletters, pandemic paranoia and goldbuggery.” – Ron Paul

— Jeb Lund (@Mobute) June 6, 2013

This is basically like Watergate except totally legal and not like Watergate at all

— Ben Jacobs (@benhjacobs) June 6, 2013

@joshtpm can i synch my govt. account with facebook and twitter?

— Marc Nichol (@marcnichol10) June 6, 2013

However you feel about privacy & security, knowing a Benjamin Franklin quote doesn’t make you an expert on how the government balances them.

— Brandon Friedman (@BFriedmanDC) June 6, 2013

On the lighter side, the NSA now boasts the largest repository of Rick Astley videos in recorded history. #p2

— Devin (@devbost) June 6, 2013

GOP: “The Patriot Act is unconstitutional. President Obama should not have tricked every Republican Senator into voting for it in 2001.”

— Top Conservative Cat (@TeaPartyCat) June 7, 2013

Dog food commercials always brag about their great flavor. My dog licks its own ass and eats cat poop. I’m not paying extra for beef flavor.

— Rabbi Crut (@solentgrn) June 9, 2013

I feel that by not having a town called Kim Jong, Illinois, we are just leaving comedy opportunities on the table.

— Jason Linkins (@dceiver) June 9, 2013

Why does the NSA need a fancy program to intercept conservative emails? Don’t they have grandparents who forward them?

— Top Conservative Cat (@TeaPartyCat) June 9, 2013

Moses wandered the desert for a shorter time and with more direction than this “Path To Citizenship” proposal has. #uppers

— Lizz Winstead (@lizzwinstead) June 9, 2013

Interrogatories

Do you still have any old media lying around your house, like floppy disks, cassette tapes, VHS tapes, etc.? Why? 😉

If something needs repair in your house or if you need to install something, do you have all the necessary tools on hand? Do you have enough tools to build things from scratch?

How old is your current residence?

Would you rather restore, renovate, or remodel?

The Twitter Emitter

Odd how I can be on hold for 20 minutes while a recorded voice repeats “your call is important to us”.

— Neil deGrasse Tyson (@neiltyson) May 29, 2013

if any congressperson says they’re “shocked” at these revelations, they’re pretty much lying

— Fleet Admiral Josh (@fleetadmiralj) June 6, 2013

Job Interview:-“What’s your greatest weakness?”-“Honesty.”-“I don’t think that’s a weakness.”-“I don’t give a fuck what you think.”

— Kelkulus (@kelkulus) June 6, 2013

Of course, the AT&T ad writes itself: “Sure our coverage sucks, but with Verizon … they can hear you now.”

— Mark Waner (@MWaner19) June 6, 2013

Twitter is quite intense today. I wish we could go back to the kind, easy-going way it was when we all watched Robb Stark bleed out.

— William K. Wolfrum (@Wolfrum) June 6, 2013

NSA should make itself useful and dispatch ushers when people text during movies.

— TBogg (@tbogg) June 6, 2013

Right now, at this very moment, millions of people are on Facebook outraged that their privacy has been infringed upon.

— William K. Wolfrum (@Wolfrum) June 6, 2013

I hate how so many contemporary idioms are totes inane.

— John Fugelsang (@JohnFugelsang) June 6, 2013

Everybody get off the Internet NOW.

— Adam Goldman (@adamgoldmanap) June 6, 2013

I was pretty sure the government was spying on my Internet because every time I load a web page it makes the Law & Order sound.

— pourmecoffee (@pourmecoffee) June 6, 2013

One minute: “I don’t like companies collecting my private info.” The next minute: “I just became Mayor of Krispy Kreme on FourSquare!”

— phive (@phive0phor) June 6, 2013

Hey NSA I lost a year’s worth of email when an old computer melted down in 2008, maybe you can help me out there.

— Tom Tomorrow (@tomtomorrow) June 6, 2013

NSA are fools. Get Apple to make a gorgeous, perfectly designed device to track our every f—ing move. People will camp out to get them.

— pourmecoffee (@pourmecoffee) June 6, 2013

Americans: The government should stop all terrorist attacks. Americans: stop mining data that might make that possible! #RepealPatriotAct

— Steve Weinstein (@steveweinstein) June 6, 2013

I object to you targeting the PATRIOT Act for blame just because it has the word “patriot” in the name.

— David Waldman (@KagroX) June 6, 2013

Congress should quit whining and repeal the Patriot Act. It knows about this spying. It has done nothing about it for 10 years.

— Steve Weinstein (@steveweinstein) June 6, 2013

Jesus was a Palestinian rabbi who healed the sick for free and hated bankers. Now, which party’s demographics does THAT sound like?

— Peter Flom (@peterflom) June 6, 2013

Interrogatories

What movies did you ever see at a drive-in?

Are you handy with a yo-yo?

How many words do you know in Russian? Do you at least know your way around a menu?

Were you ever a boy/girl scout or a reasonable facsimile thereof (like campfire girls)? How long? What made you quit?

The Twitter Emitter

Sen Chambliss blames hormones 4 military sexual assaults,tho Im pretty sure men have ways 2shut that whole thing down huffingtonpost.com/2013/06/04/sax…

— Lisa M. Maatz (@LisaMaatz) June 4, 2013

GOP: You voted for us, so you have only yourselves to blame. Eat shit and die.

— Chris Dashiell (@cdashiell) June 4, 2013

In the GOP mind, not acting on a reflexive desire for mass executions of everyone who makes you uneasy is often mistaken for “empathy”.

— kara vallow (@teenagesleuth) June 5, 2013

Canada, we gave you POTUS getting blown in Oval Office and you can’t sustain a crack-smoking mayor story. I don’t even think you’re trying.

— pourmecoffee (@pourmecoffee) June 5, 2013

The IRS has silenced us, say thousands of tea party members on thousands of radio & TV shows bit.ly/136QpXT

— John Fugelsang (@JohnFugelsang) June 5, 2013

If POTUS is allowed to appoint judges as he is empowered, this is a slippery slope to actually governing as he was twice elected to do.

— pourmecoffee (@pourmecoffee) June 5, 2013

Remember, End-Timers- Jesus never said the word ‘Rapture’ but was fond of the word ‘sheep.’

— John Fugelsang (@JohnFugelsang) June 6, 2013

#TDSBreakingNews Sen. Grassley: ‘Obama hasn’t called me in four years’. That’s what happens when you give it away on the first date.

— The Daily Show (@TheDailyShow) June 6, 2013

Things you might say if you flunked Intro Probability & Statistics: “Everything happens for a reason.”

— Neil deGrasse Tyson (@neiltyson) June 6, 2013

Radicalism has nothing 2 do w/interrupting speakers. Its about the organizing you do daily. If you’re heckling, you’re a shitty organizer

— Tim Wise (@timjacobwise) June 6, 2013

Cat hair everywhere is a small price to pay for not having died of loneliness years ago.

— Danforth France (@danforthfrance) June 6, 2013

Seems like this might be a fair trade: NSA can monitor my calls if they answer the ones from telemarketers.

— Karen Tumulty(@ktumulty) June 6, 2013

The problem w/Susan Rice is that Repub can’t decide to hate her because she’s black or because she’s a woman #uniteblue #p2 #tcot

— Edward Branley (@YatPundit) June 6, 2013

If the NSA’s gonna keep track of all my phone calls, is it too much to ask that they remind me to call my sister on her birthday?

— Jamison Foser (@jamisonfoser) June 6, 2013

Funny how there was no mention about Obama’s “All-Boys Club” when he announced Susan Rice and Samantha Powers appointments. Oh, wait.

— Jason Febery (@JasonFebery) June 6, 2013

Interrogatories

It’s Festival of Popular Delusions Day. On the political right there are a lot of popular delusions. Which one is your favorite? Do any of them worry you?

Don’t you think National Gingerbread Day should be in the fall or winter?

What’s your favorite love song?

The Twitter Emitter

America leads the world in reality shows about what female reality show stars do after their reality shows end.

— John Fugelsang (@JohnFugelsang) June 3, 2013

In a dictatorship, one man fucks up the country. In a democracy, everyone does it together. #occupygezi

— God (@TheTweetOfGod) June 3, 2013

Many people think that Congress regulates Wall Street, but the truth is Wall Street regulates the Congress. thehill.com/blogs/regwatch…

— Bernie Sanders (@SenSanders) June 3, 2013

It’s the moral guardians who think of the sickest shit that no one else could even imagine.

— Chris Dashiell (@cdashiell) June 4, 2013

If you answer for military rape is to take women out of the military, you have agreed that men are rapists, and that can never change.

— William K. Wolfrum (@Wolfrum) June 4, 2013

Children are finding their parents’guns and shooting themselves. Solution: Eliminate Children. #JohnMcCainProblemSolving101

— William K. Wolfrum (@Wolfrum) June 4, 2013

I was just imagining the silence of the media if Oscar Pistorious had murdered an unattractive person.

— John Fugelsang (@JohnFugelsang) June 4, 2013

McConnell: “Obama is creating a culture of intimidation. For example, none of the judges he nominated today is a Koch Industries employee”

— The Daily Edge (@TheDailyEdge) June 4, 2013

Why is Chris Christie wasting $24 million on an election when he could just appoint someone? That could pay for 17 Obamacare repeal votes!!!

— Top Conservative Cat (@TeaPartyCat) June 4, 2013

Stimulus idea: Lots and lots of special elections.

— LOLGOP (@LOLGOP) June 4, 2013

Remember when Sandra Day O’Connor resigned & George Bush packed the court by filling the empty slot with Samuel Alito?

— John Fugelsang (@JohnFugelsang) June 4, 2013

@owillis @jbendery Only a tyrannical madman President would dare think of nominating 3 appointees when there are 3 vacancies. The horror!

— El Cid (@EnBuenora) June 4, 2013

Lately, YouTube is like Sarah Palin — it starts and immediately quits and the whole thing seems like a setup to sell you something.

— pourmecoffee (@pourmecoffee) June 4, 2013

NYC – where my Governor wants to legalize pot while my Mayor wants to ban junk food.

— John Fugelsang (@JohnFugelsang) June 4, 2013

Interrogatories

What was the worst paying job you ever worked?

Ice cream or frozen yogurt? Are nuts permissible?

What is your motto?

Who was the worst neighbor you ever had?

Who was the best neighbor you ever had?

How do you rank as a neighbor?

The Twitter Emitter

At last, some ALONE time, he tweeted to a quarter of a million people.

— Joss Whedon (@josswhedon) June 2, 2013

Creationism: Because it’s easier to read one book than a whole bunch of hard ones.

— kara vallow (@teenagesleuth) June 3, 2013

Excited to see what wedding ideas come out of tonight’s episode of Game of Thrones onto Pinterest tomorrow

— Samir Mezrahi (@samir) June 3, 2013

Not up on “Thrones” but hear George killed more peeps – can he PLEEZ have my rep now so I can stop hearing about it? #gettingold

— Joss Whedon (@josswhedon) June 3, 2013

Dim Sum is not an explanation of Michelle Bachmann.

— Justice Putnam (@justiceputnam) June 3, 2013

Why doesn’t George R.R. Martin use twitter? Because he killed all 140 characters. #got

— Tweety Tweets (@TomVeos) June 3, 2013

When life gives you lemons, DO NOT ACCEPT DELIVERY! They are nonconforming goods, and you may be entitled to damages for breach of contract.

— Zach Lee (@ThisLegalZ) June 3, 2013

Chris Matthews to Joy Reid: “You’re just as smart as me. “What a horrible insult.

— Tiffany (@tiffpats4eva) June 3, 2013

So did Darrell Issa kill anyone when he was an arsonist? I’m not saying he WAS an arsonist, but these questions should be asked.

— Bill Harnsberger (@BillinPortland) June 3, 2013

I support the separation of church and reality.

— God (@TheTweetOfGod) June 3, 2013

Interrogatories

For National Egg Day, how do you like your eggs?

Who is your least favorite (most hated) politician?

Who is your least favorite pundit?

Who is your favorite politician?

Who is your favorite pundit?

The Twitter Emitter

It’s like you have to win a major election these days to score some crack.

— William K. Wolfrum (@Wolfrum) May 31, 2013

Austerity = I can buy your home real cheap because the bank illegally foreclosed on it.

— Tom Wellborn (@TLW3) May 31, 2013

What if the arc of the moral universe bends toward derp?

— Josh Marshall (@joshtpm) May 31, 2013

Mitch McConnell: “Obama is like Nixon! You know, the President Republicans have been telling you ‘wasn’t so bad’ for the past 40 years”

— The Daily Edge (@TheDailyEdge) June 1, 2013

Horrible tornado disasters: Too steep a price to pay for NOT having “Lockup” on MSNBC?

— Ray Radlein (@Radlein) June 1, 2013

Monsanto is different from Frankenstein because Frankenstein had ethics.

— Chris Dashiell (@cdashiell) June 1, 2013

Planned Parenthood tries to help women with MEDICINE, when we all know PRAYER works better.#exposePP

— Top Conservative Cat (@TeaPartyCat) June 1, 2013

Supreme Court ruled 5-4 that sending ricin letters to Obama over gun control is political speech and is protected under Citizens United.

— Top Conservative Cat (@TeaPartyCat) June 2, 2013

Daughter said new Walmart slogan should be “Lower prices means lower wages.” #nerdland

— Blair LM Kelley (@profblmkelley) June 2, 2013

I wish vacuuming was a sport so that I could play it recreationally a few times a year and talk about how good I used to be at it.

— Jesse Taylor (@jesseltaylor) June 2, 2013

John McCain wants to pick a fight with Iran. Someone please check his diaper.

— Tom Wellborn (@TLW3) June 2, 2013