Motley Moose – Archive

Interrogatories

Did your school serve lunches, or did you have to bring your own? If they provided lunch, was it good? If you brought your own, what did you usually bring? Did you have a bag or a lunchbox? Did you have a cool lunchbox?

How charitable are you?

Do you think of yourself as brave?

Name one thing that makes you cowardly.

The Twitter Emitter

Board and card games are meant to bring families together so they may hatch animosities that will last a lifetime.

— Crutnacker (@Crutnacker) August 22, 2013

America is the greatest country on earth at thinking it's the greatest country on earth.

— God (@TheTweetOfGod) August 21, 2013

Ted Cruz renounces Canadian citizenship, & the evil health care that let his mom have a safe & affordable Canadian birth.

— John Fugelsang (@JohnFugelsang) August 21, 2013

It does seem like, if we're gonna be stuck with Ted Cruz, we should negotiate a deal to send a handful of other senators to Canada.

— Chris Lehmann (@lehmannchris) August 21, 2013

Ted Cruz & Oscar Pistorius – 2 guys with nothing in common, except that neither will be running competitively in 2016.

— John Fugelsang (@JohnFugelsang) August 21, 2013

Me: Did you see Bradley Manning came out as a woman this morning? My wife: THE FOOTBALL PLAYER?!

— Ken Jennings (@KenJennings) August 22, 2013

Ted Cruz's grandmother in Saskatchistan uses poutine and maple syrup in occultist Anglican ceremonies to curse his enemies

— Gen JC Christian (@JC_Christian) August 22, 2013

Kentucky theater owner says he won't show #TheButler because Jane Fonda's in it. He still hasn't forgiven her for #MonsterInLaw

— The Daily Edge (@TheDailyEdge) August 22, 2013

And now for a phony debate on the issue, two people whose utterly predictable opinions you've heard before.

— Chris Dashiell (@cdashiell) August 22, 2013

Just got a parking space at Trader Joe's without even trying. In the shade. Horsemen grow restless.

— Wil Wheaton (@wilw) August 22, 2013

Interrogatories

Have you taken a side on the Richard III story? Innocent or guilty?

How much were teeth worth (apiece) back in the days that the tooth fairy still visited you?

Did your parents give you an allowance? How much? Did you spend it all on candy like me, or were you wiser in your purchases?

What punctuation mark or marks do you have the most difficulty with?

The Twitter Emitter

I love how Sean Hannity doesn't think democracy can be created democratically.

— Cynthia Boaz (@cynthiaboaz) August 21, 2013

For not being racists, Rand and Ron Paul sure do know a lot of em. #JustSayin

— Lizz Winstead (@lizzwinstead) August 21, 2013

Don't tell me numbers & facts that ruin my narrative. I will stick to my narrative regardless. So don't even try!!!!! #twitter

— Steve Weinstein (@steveweinstein) August 21, 2013

The NSA did say that the three Partridge Family songs I downloaded in 2011 still make me a potential threat.

— Crutnacker (@Crutnacker) August 21, 2013

Ted Cruz. Proof that an idiot can get into Harvard. When do we start demanding his transcripts and test scores because, affirmative action?

— kara vallow (@teenagesleuth) August 21, 2013

If I made a line of tablet computers, I would call it 'Clay'. Surely, this could be a thing.

— Hunter (@HunterDK) August 21, 2013

Thank God the brave State of Texas pulled that Obamacare $$ away from Obama before he spent it all on cocaine and statues of Lenin.

— kara vallow (@teenagesleuth) August 21, 2013

Hey NYTimes! There are thousands of unemployed journalists. Why not fire Dowd and hire one?

— Peter Flom (@peterflom) August 21, 2013

Today is the 54th anniversary of Hawaii's admission to the Union, and the 5th anniversary of claiming their natives can't be president.

— Top Conservative Cat (@TeaPartyCat) August 21, 2013

Harry Potter and the Nine Hour Detention at Heathrow ("How long have you known Mr. Dumbledore? Have you seen him practice magic?")

— pourmecoffee (@pourmecoffee) August 21, 2013

Sea level was high enough without all of these emo tears.

— Andrew Gatto (@AndrewGatto) August 21, 2013

Bradley Manning for Fed Chair

— David Waldman (@KagroX) August 21, 2013

Every time a cable host calls Glenn Greenwald a journalist, an angel gets donkey punched.

— Andrew Gatto (@AndrewGatto) August 21, 2013

Interrogatories

In what ways do you try to shrink your ecological footprint?

What’s your favorite Motown tune or artist?

Do you wash your own car or take it to the car wash? Do you have that damn Car Wash song stuck in your head now? (Sorry)

Do you consider yourself artistic? In what ways?

The Twitter Emitter

We hold these truths to be whatever's convenient for our financial self-interest.

— Chris Dashiell (@cdashiell) August 20, 2013

"Obama's favorite Led Zeppelin song growing up was 'Black Dog.'" — The Daily Caller.

— Will Bunch (@Will_Bunch) August 20, 2013

If you're wrong, there will be a global climate crisis we could have prevented. If we're wrong, we helped Toyota sell too many Priuses.

— LOLGOP (@LOLGOP) August 20, 2013

President Obama has had ample opportunity to prove he doesn't hate white people. Instead, he has chosen to beat both of his white opponents.

— Chris L. Robinson (@chrisLrob) August 20, 2013

In speech renouncing citizenship, Cruz condemns Canadians as too reasonable, well-mannered.

— Hunter (@HunterDK) August 20, 2013

As President, Ted Cruz will nuke Canada to rid himself of his shameful past. #deepseatedissues

— TBogg (@tbogg) August 20, 2013

Why stick us with Ted Cruz, Canada? Is this about Gretzky? Are you still angry about that? Jesus, get over it already.

— pourmecoffee (@pourmecoffee) August 20, 2013

"A newly hired autoworker will earn $14 an hour. This, adjusted for inflation, is three cents less than what Henry Ford was paying in 1914…"

— Stephen Job (@Stephen_Job) August 20, 2013

BREAKING: Rep. Steve King calls for Ted Cruz's dad to be deported.

— Top Conservative Cat (@TeaPartyCat) August 20, 2013

I hear Obama's dogs hate white dogs.

— SheriffFruitfly (@sherifffruitfly) August 20, 2013

Guy on a yacht with 50 tons of cash is a maker. Mom with three kids and two jobs is a taker.

— Chris Dashiell (@cdashiell) August 19, 2013

Interrogatories

Have you ever built sand castles? Are you particularly good at it?

Have you ever had any celebrity sightings? Who?

Would you be in favor of raising the minimum wage for tipped employees and discontinuing tipping? Do you think tipping is a fair way to reward servers?

Are you now or have you ever been skilled with a hula hoop?

How late is “sleeping in” to you? Is your internal clock the same as when you were younger, or has it changed since becoming a wage earner?

The Twitter Emitter

Ray Kelly needs to understand that he's inspiring people like George Zimmerman. They walk to the light of racial profiling.

— Ben Jealous (@BenJealous) August 19, 2013

Lacking funds to repave, Texas converts some roads to gravel. Rick Perry: "Gravel was good enough for our Lord, so it's good enough for us."

— Top Conservative Cat (@TeaPartyCat) August 19, 2013

EXPERTS: Because of gerrymandering, Republicans could retain control of your uterus through 2020

— The Daily Edge (@TheDailyEdge) August 19, 2013

It takes 102,000 petition signatures to recall Filner, so from news stories seems like it could be done just with women he has harassed.

— pourmecoffee (@pourmecoffee) August 19, 2013

A cannibal is just a foodie who likes other foodies.

— God (@TheTweetOfGod) August 19, 2013

I worry about Ted Cruz's dual loyalty to his Canadian homeland #SecretNickelbackFan

— TBogg (@tbogg) August 19, 2013

Why is everyone I talk to crazy?

— God (@TheTweetOfGod) August 19, 2013

I'm glad that editor made Ayn Rand re-title it "Atlas Shrugged" from "It's Totally Moral To Be A Big Selfish Douchebag."

— John Fugelsang (@JohnFugelsang) August 19, 2013

The GOP should probably reconsider its only qualification for presidential candidates, legislation & former game show hosts: upsets liberals

— LOLGOP (@LOLGOP) August 19, 2013

no, no, please dont run ted cruz, you'll crush us all. #IsThatConvincingEnough

— Oliver Willis (@owillis) August 19, 2013

The world ends not with a bang but with a sequester.

— Elayne Boosler (@ElayneBoosler) August 19, 2013

Interrogatories

Do you like your food hot and/or spicy at all? If so, how hot? Do you have any particular favorite hot foods?

Do you like and appreciate black and white films and TV shows? If you have kids, do they appreciate them?

Can you whistle? In tune?

How many cookbooks do you own? Any you consider essential?

What kind of bugs do you get where you live? What is the worst of those?

The Twitter Emitter

Pointing out the racism of another does not make one a racist. Everyone seems to understand that…except racists.

— Candace Brown (@CandaceTX) August 18, 2013

"Mr. Warmth" Chris Christie vetoes .50 caliber gun ban. Because New Jerseyans should be able to bring down a plane. http://t.co/8Z5skduPlJ

— Polislice (@Polislice) August 17, 2013

Man Upset Beyond Reasonable Perspective Due To Poor Performance Of Cherished Sports Team

— Spencer Ackerman (@attackerman) August 17, 2013

I'm worried that I've become too jaded for cynicism.

— Chris Dashiell (@cdashiell) August 17, 2013

Be the change you wish you found in your pocket.

— LOLGOP (@LOLGOP) August 17, 2013

Next up on Fox News: Scotland Yard reviewing new information about Princess Diana's death. Our panel discusses whether Obama was involved.

— Top Conservative Cat (@TeaPartyCat) August 17, 2013

I use only the freshest street slang, organically grown by local producers.

— Eastwood (@Eagle_Vision) August 17, 2013

The world is full of so many wonderful things that poor people aren't allowed to have.

— Chris Dashiell (@cdashiell) August 17, 2013

I'm 27 and someone told me today that I "still look good" How much longer till this death thing kicks in?

— Trice (@doitlikeyoshi) August 17, 2013

WHAT IS WRONG WITH OUR INNER CITY YOUTH? closes schools WHY ARE THEY JOINING GANGS? tears down community center OH THESE HORRIBLE CHILDR

— Erik (@Mornacale) August 17, 2013

As soon as True Blood adds an Irish character we'll know the inevitable leprechaun subplot has begun.

— John Fugelsang (@JohnFugelsang) August 16, 2013

Obviously the UK detained Greenwald’s partner on direct orders from President Obama! #tinfoilhat

— Imani ABL (@AngryBlackLady) August 18, 2013

I should care about #gg's partner being detained & I'll start as soon as #gg starts caring about stop/frisk

— lvdjgarcia (@lvdjgarcia) August 18, 2013

you got harrassed by cops and detained without cause? oh. -signed, every black man in NYC

— SheriffFruitfly (@sherifffruitfly) August 18, 2013

“@MoreAndAgain: I need some jokes. Anyone know a good joke?” <- greenwald, snowden & putin walk into a bar..

— Albert Butler (@ALBDamn) August 18, 2013

Interrogatories

Have you ever been an intern? Paid or unpaid? Were you well treated? Do you think interns should be paid and/or have the rights of employees?

Do you shop in thrift stores? If so, for necessity, or to find overlooked treasures, or both? Have you ever had any really good finds?

It’s tell a joke day – do you have any jokes we are unlikely to have heard before?

Do you swear? How extensive is your profanity vocabulary? Are you careful who you swear in front of? Do you have a favorite curse word?

What field trips did you get to take in school?

The Twitter Emitter

Stands to reason that, under a BLACK PRESIDENT, a guy named Whitey is railroaded. Tonight on Fox. #twitchybait

— TBogg (@tbogg) August 12, 2013

Do you your followers have enough fingers and toes to count that high? rt @DrTerryDJones On September 11th, we will burn 2998 Korans

— Gen JC Christian (@JC_Christian) August 15, 2013

@TheDailyEdge #Republicans are committed to the redistribution of wealth…upward. #DumpGOP #UniteBlue

— FaithfulChickie (@FaithfulChickie) August 15, 2013

The main function of very early presidential campaign speculation is to look ridiculous in retrospect.

— daveweigel (@daveweigel) August 15, 2013

FEMA now offering free vaccines to anyone who's been exposed to Jenny McCarthy on 'The View.'

— John Fugelsang (@JohnFugelsang) August 15, 2013

if i had known i could just "file impeachment" against bush, the last decade would have been WAY different.

— Oliver Willis (@owillis) August 15, 2013

#WhySomePeopleAreDemocrats because being a woman shouldn't be a pre-existing condition.

— Sara Lang (@SaraLang) August 15, 2013

After NC bans black students from voting, will they then ban black colleges too or just skip straight back to slavery?

— Steve Weinstein (@steveweinstein) August 15, 2013

If Jesus returned to share his message it'd be hard to hear Him over the roar of US Christians calling him socialist.

— John Fugelsang (@JohnFugelsang) August 15, 2013

Keep your friends close and your enemies tied to a wardrobe, covered in glitter.

— Sixth Form Poet (@sixthformpoet) August 15, 2013

I'm over writing clever tweets. A clever tweet is like a… ah, see, you almost got me there.

— Danforth France (@danforthfrance) August 15, 2013

ok i won't text and drive anymore but no fucking way are you gonna tell me when and where i can do my calligraphy

— john freiler (@johnfreiler) August 15, 2013

I feel bad for my poor wife. Everybody is planning for her womb like she ain't the current landlord.

— Elon James White (@elonjames) August 15, 2013

A kitten's purr sounds like a rainbow farting.

— The Fucking Cat (@TheFuckingCat) August 15, 2013

Interrogatories

Do you still experience The Wizard of Oz as you did when a child, or can you now see the painted backdrops and other dated details?

Did you go to camp as a kid? What was the experience like?

How often do you use snail mail? Do you still write checks?

What’s your vision like? If good, is it genetics or surgery?

Even good spellers have mental blocks on some words. Is there any word that you have to check twice before writing it?

The Twitter Emitter

Texas: Where the schools don't teach science and the factories explode.

— Peter Flom (@peterflom) August 13, 2013

I sprayed mosquito repellent on a mosquito. Now he’ll never have any friends.

— Grumpy Cat (@ItsTheGrumpyCat) August 14, 2013

I’d be a great conversationalist if it weren’t for the part where the other person talks.

— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) August 13, 2013

To whomever invented nougat: Thank/Fuck you.

— &e-ru (@dvnix) August 14, 2013

Mixing religion with politics ruins both.

— Josh Shahryar شهريار (@JShahryar) August 14, 2013

What kind of sick person unfollows me on Bette Davis day??

— Next On TCM (@NextOnTCM) August 14, 2013

Hey @BarackObama, we're living in a country where today's teen mall goths have never heard of Sisters of Mercy. Are you okay with that?

— rookie mistake (@maggieserota) August 14, 2013

Conservatives: "If liberals keep pointing out our racism, they will stoke racial tension and divide this great country."

— Chris Dashiell (@cdashiell) August 14, 2013

POLL: Pat McCrory approval rating down to 39%, though when you take out the voters who will be blocked from voting, it's slightly higher.

— Top Conservative Cat (@TeaPartyCat) August 14, 2013

Who knew "racist rodeo clown" would be a thing? Racist rodeo clown car, the official vehicle of the GOP.

— Steve Weinstein (@steveweinstein) August 14, 2013

I can't wait to hear Kal Penn's defense for drone strikes.

— Matt Binder (@MattBinder) August 15, 2013

Newt Gingrich: "The GOP has to get beyond being anti-Obama, and get ready to be anti-Clinton. And really, who better to lead that than me?"

— Top Conservative Cat (@TeaPartyCat) August 15, 2013

Interrogatories

Have you seen The Rocky Horror Picture Show? If so, how many times? Did you participate in the audience antics?

What is the longest blackout you’ve ever had to endure? How did you handle it?

How many different kinds of batteries do you use? What for?

Are you careful with receipts, or do you generally just pay without looking?

Do you have duct tape? What colors? What have you used it for?

The Twitter Emitter

Texas executed one man with an IQ of 61, while another sleeps comfortably in the Governor's mansion.

— John Fugelsang (@JohnFugelsang) August 8, 2013

Remember that being gay is a choice, because all those gay athletes want to go to Russian prison.

— Jesse Taylor (@jesseltaylor) August 12, 2013

Rep. Blake Fahrenholdt: "We have the votes to impeach Obama, and we'll start once we find a reason."

— Top Conservative Cat (@TeaPartyCat) August 12, 2013

Are you watching the #solidarityisforwhitewomen hashtag? Because it's important even if it's uncomfortable. I'm listening.

— TheBloggess (@TheBloggess) August 13, 2013

#TCOT: A group of people who live to mock people without jobs while kicking and screaming about the unemployment rate.

— Grand Old Parody (@GrandOldParody1) August 13, 2013

Red states get more government assistance than blue states, so they have first hand experience of how evil it is.

— Grand Old Parody (@GrandOldParody1) August 13, 2013

Sharks get a lot of shit after Shark Week. "Well if it isn't God's gift to the sea. I thought you'd be hanging out with your TV friends."

— pourmecoffee (@pourmecoffee) August 13, 2013

We have seemingly arrived at a point where it is conceivable everyone may run for President in 2016.

— Patrick Ruffini (@PatrickRuffini) August 13, 2013

still thinkin bout that plastic bag from american beauty. what else has it done since?

— kc grǝǝn (@kcgreenn) August 13, 2013

Libertarianism is a philosophy for people who think adolescence is the peak of human development.

— Peter Flom (@peterflom) August 13, 2013

. @jezebel's bid to be taken as seriously as @cosmopolitan is working.

— Keith Snyder (@noteon) August 13, 2013

Interrogatories

Are you right or left handed?

Steak – rare, medium rare, medium, well done, or not at all?

Who would you like to blame to celebrate Blame Someone Else Day?

What is the highest land elevation you have ever attained?

Do you deliberately try to tan, or do you slather on the sunblock?

The Twitter Emitter

GOP still furious that GOP SCOTUS upheld GOP-designed Obamacare & promises GOP repeal before it can save any GOP lives.

— John Fugelsang (@JohnFugelsang) August 12, 2013

Halliburton to rebrand nerve gas as Freedom Tingle™.

— Chris Dashiell (@cdashiell) August 12, 2013

If I didn't mean for you to eat pigs I wouldn't have made them out of pork.

— God (@TheTweetOfGod) August 12, 2013

Well I for one think Mitt Romney looks way better since he removed the bolts from his neck.

— John Fugelsang (@JohnFugelsang) August 12, 2013

Let's do stop & frisk but for white guys in suits to see if any of them stole our economy.

— CC:Indecision (@indecision) August 12, 2013

For all the chatter about Rand Paul appointing a dead Milton Friedman to the Fed, I'm more excited to see Ayn Rand as secretary of education

— Chris Lehmann (@lehmannchris) August 12, 2013

This tweet contains the names of every Republican who's ever demanded to see Ted Cruz' birth certificate.

— John Fugelsang (@JohnFugelsang) August 12, 2013

Sources say Musk was driven by desire to reduce duration/frequency of DC journos whining about bad wi-fi and quiet car violations.

— Olivier Knox (@OKnox) August 12, 2013

New York still hasn't tried Stop n' Frisk at Wall Street, and that's where all the real crime is. Most of the coke, too.

— John Fugelsang (@JohnFugelsang) August 12, 2013

Ray Kelly: "The notion that my officers use racial profiling is recklessly untrue. It's just that minorities are all criminals."

— Top Conservative Cat (@TeaPartyCat) August 12, 2013

Judge tosses racial discrimination claims against Paula Deen on grounds that "using the N-word isn't racist. I use it, and I'm not racist."

— Top Conservative Cat (@TeaPartyCat) August 12, 2013

Interrogatories

For National Vinyl Records Day, what is your preferred music medium? Vinyl, CD, digital…?

It’s International Youth Day. Are you the “get off my lawn” type, or do you tolerate or even enjoy the young (not counting the ones related to you)?

Did you ever read comics? If so, which ones? Do you still read them (or graphic novels)?

Do you play computer games? Which ones?

The Twitter Emitter

ObamaCare is not a 'blueprint for Socialism' – you're thinking of The New Testament.

— John Fugelsang (@JohnFugelsang) August 11, 2013

Gov. Bob McDonnell: "I don't see a problem with crisis pregnancy centers lying to women. They were probably lied to when they got pregnant."

— Top Conservative Cat (@TeaPartyCat) August 11, 2013

So when your taxes kills ppl overseas it's considered 'defense;' when your tax $ helps ppl here it's considered 'theft.'

— John Fugelsang (@JohnFugelsang) August 11, 2013

You call them natural disasters. I call them destructive criticism.

— God (@TheTweetOfGod) August 11, 2013

And now Whites do not want Blacks to make any mention of race issues or else Blacks are being divisive & racists. That's #ReversePsychology

— bPositive (@bPositive_) August 10, 2013

Please proofread your tweets before posting. #NSA snoops have never seen such poor spelling and grammar. #privacy #4thA #PRISM #XKeyscore

— Tarbell Steffens (@lexicosm) August 11, 2013

I don't want 2 hear 1 single person complaining about The POTUS taking a 1 WEEK vacation while CongreASS takes a 5 week vacation. Fuck Them.

— The ObamaCrat™ (@MrMilitantNegro) August 11, 2013

There's no greater arrogance than thinking GOD spared your life while letting others die.

— Don Millard (@OTOOLEFAN) August 11, 2013

Give a man a fish, he'll eat for a day. Teach a man to fish, he'll fish all the fish. Those are YOUR fish. Probably safest to kill that guy

— Drew Koshgarian (@MostlyPregnant) August 11, 2013

I'm going to sell organic air, harvested from the lungs of baby koalas

— Atrios (@Atrios) August 11, 2013