Motley Moose – Archive

Interrogatories

Looking at today’s weird holidays…

Have you ever met a lazy mom?

When do you plan to fight procrastination? How do you intend to go about it?

What book are you reading now? Have any books defeated you lately?

When was the last time you stayed up past your bedtime? Was it worth it?

The Twitter Emitter

Fear not, My beloved Tebow. I never close a door without opening an analyst gig on Fox Sports.

— God (@TheTweetOfGod) August 31, 2013

SCIENTISTS AGREE: The more likely you are think think a fetus is a person, the less likely you are to think a woman is.

— LOLGOP (@LOLGOP) September 5, 2013

@VanJones68 #US Sign of a declining empire: having one's national "credibility" depend upon periodically bombing other countries. #Syria

— Zauberer (@DieZauberer) September 5, 2013

Counting calories is so great because it's two fun things in one: self-loathing and math!!!

— Megan Amram (@meganamram) September 5, 2013

Administration will allow benefits to spouses of gay veterans, which as predicted, led Louie Gohmert to perform bestiality.

— Top Conservative Cat (@TeaPartyCat) September 5, 2013

Ten years ago, critics of the White House's foreign policy were accused by Fox News of giving aid and comfort to the enemy.

— Chris Dashiell (@cdashiell) September 5, 2013

Rush Limbaugh wrote a children's book: "Aspiring bullies have nowhere to go for mentoring. The world is against them, so I wanted to help."

— Top Conservative Cat (@TeaPartyCat) September 5, 2013

RT @TheTweetOfGod: You can't spell "inflated sense of self-importance" without NFL.

— Geoff Ninecow (@geoff9cow) September 6, 2013

The NFL has decided to seek congressional approval before it starts the game

— Will Bunch (@Will_Bunch) September 6, 2013

It's funny how many streets are named for the kind of trees chopped down to pave them.

— God (@TheTweetOfGod) August 31, 2013

Interrogatories

Do you have a good sense of direction? What if you are in a strange city?

Do you chew gum? What is your favorite kind? Can you chew it and walk at the same time? Have you ever left it on the bed post overnight? Did you ever swallow your gum?

Have you made a will? If not, why?

How many tools do you have? Do you know how to use them?

The Twitter Emitter

I hate when I accidentally use "literally" when I really meant "figuratively." I literally die every time it happens.

— Clark Can't (@iheartgunts) September 4, 2013

Do they wear slippers? John Kerry: putting Special Operations Forces on the ground in #Syria doesn't count as "boots on the ground."

— Howie Klein (@downwithtyranny) September 4, 2013

Please bear with me while I try to think of a tweet.

— Mr Roger Quimbly (@RogerQuimbly) September 4, 2013

What did the Russian man say to his neighbor? Not sure. Probably something in Russian.

— Bill Murray (@BiIIMurray) September 4, 2013

This Syria vote is weird. I think it is very hard for us to admit that we have very little role to play in the outcome of Syrian civil war.

— Unstable Isotope (@UnstableIsotope) September 4, 2013

When Barack Obama deals w/#Syria by invading the wrong country and giving $39Bil to Joe Biden's old company then we can compare it to Iraq.

— John Fugelsang (@JohnFugelsang) September 4, 2013

George Zimmerman fined $256 for speeding in Florida, where doing 60 in a 45 zone carries a bigger punishment than stalking & killing someone

— The Daily Edge (@TheDailyEdge) September 4, 2013

Rand Paul demands a guarantee that if the world bombs #Syria weapons installations no private property will be harmed.

— John Fugelsang (@JohnFugelsang) September 4, 2013

@jljacobson Unfortunately, there isn't enough time in the universe for Yoho to make any kind of "intelligent assessment". On anything.

— Sko Hayes (@skohayes) September 5, 2013

When you look at your Samsung watch through Google Glass, does time bend?

— Josh Greenman (@joshgreenman) September 5, 2013

Sorry but your password must contain an uppercase letter, a number, a haiku, a gang sign, a hieroglyph, and the blood of a virgin.

— Grumpy Cat (@ItsTheGrumpyCat) September 5, 2013

It's as if white "progressives" said to themselves "why are we fighting the confederacy when we could JOIN it?"

— SheriffFruitfly (@sherifffruitfly) September 4, 2013

Interrogatories

Who is your all-time favorite athlete? Why?

What foods are considered staples in your house?

Have you ever had to have stitches? How many?

What was the best vacation you ever went on as a kid? What made it so good?

The Twitter Emitter

Could be much worse. McCain could have been drafting language for AUMF instead of playing poker

— Gen JC Christian (@JC_Christian) September 3, 2013

I'd probably play computer games in the Senate too. I mean, it's not like they're doing anything there.

— Chris Dashiell (@cdashiell) September 4, 2013

SCIENTISTS AGREE: If Ted Cruz spent his entire life playing iPhone poker, the world would be a better place.

— LOLGOP (@LOLGOP) September 4, 2013

If you're thinking about becoming an introvert, you should probably just keep it to yourself.

— Dominic (@Sarcasticsapien) August 5, 2013

I’ll support someone who’s w/me 90% of the time rather than one who’s against me 100% of the time

— lvdjgarcia (@lvdjgarcia) August 31, 2013

The Two Classic Online Blunders: Never get into a LAN war in Asia, and never go in to the comments section when your sanity is on the line.

— Don't Read Comments (@AvoidComments) August 31, 2013

I have a condition which prevents me from going on a diet… it's called hunger.

— Bill Murray (@BiIIMurray) August 31, 2013

Can we please just send John McCain & Lindsey Graham leading a team of Fox News commandos into Syria to take out the bad guys? #p2 #tcot

— Blue DuPage (@BlueDuPage) September 3, 2013

Imagine if we had bought into Jimmy Carter's plan for energy independence. Imagine no treasure or blood spent in the middle east. #UniteBlue

— techweenie (@techweenie) September 3, 2013

One minute McCain aka Mr. Douchebag plays poker on his phone; the next he pretends he's knowledgebale about Syria. http://t.co/B2UMKY2SjI

— Nerdy Wonka (@NerdyWonka) September 3, 2013

@theonlyadult @mitchellreports But what about the OPTICS? So concerned when PBO played golf, but McCain plays poker during hearing? Pffft…

— GoBrooklyn (@GoBrooklyn) September 3, 2013

The choice we face in Syria is looking bad versus making the conflict worse through poorly planned violence. DC elites fear the former more

— joshuafoust (@joshuafoust) September 4, 2013

Interrogatories

What is the tallest building you’ve ever been in? Did you go all the way to the top?

Are you any good at winter sports, like skiing, snowboarding, cross country skiing, ice skating?

Did you ever think Welsh Rarebit was Welsh Rabbit?

What languages can you speak or read?

What is your least favorite vegetable?

The Twitter Emitter

If your only tool is a hammer, every problem looks like a reason to get hammered.

— William K. Wolfrum (@Wolfrum) September 2, 2013

NASA confirms: Donald Trump's ego visible from space. #LostLink

— Kas Thomas (@kasthomas) September 2, 2013

If McCain seems a bit unfocused, it's b/c Sheila, the desiccated rat he keeps in his wallet, is commanding him to kill Sen. Graham

— Gen JC Christian (@JC_Christian) September 2, 2013

McCain also believes Sarah Palin is the best choice to lead attack on Syria

— Gen JC Christian (@JC_Christian) September 2, 2013

Of course it's Al Qaeda fighting Assad. They are the universal bad guy. They shot Kennedy, kidnapped the Lindbergh baby, choreographed Miley

— Gen JC Christian (@JC_Christian) September 2, 2013

Man, how the GOP is going to hate their party's anti-war movement once it's not just another convenient way to hate on Obama.

— LOLGOP (@LOLGOP) September 2, 2013

Tim Tebow could walk from Cuba to Florida, but doesn't want to show off.

— Gen JC Christian (@JC_Christian) September 2, 2013

Congress has developed detailed procedures for how to block presidential powers during a recess, but not how to exercise their own.

— David Waldman (@KagroX) September 2, 2013

Diana Nyad, feet from her goal, realizes she left her keys in Cuba.

— Erin Gloria Ryan (@morninggloria) September 2, 2013

Cancer: the ultimate terror cell.

— Xeni Jardin (@xeni) September 1, 2013

Unintentional racism is still racism. Unintentional rape-apologizing is still rape-apologizing. Unintentional cruelty is still cruelty.

— Lauren Rankin (@laurenarankin) September 1, 2013

Dear Autocorrect: I’m perfectly capable of making myself look stupid enough without your help.

— Miles Kurland (@Malacandra) September 1, 2013

Interrogatories

It’s National Potato Month. Potatoes have probably killed as many diets as cheese has, if not more. Since it’s summer, tell the rest of the class what ingredients make up your favorite potato salad?

It’s also National Beheading Day (nobody knows where this one came from). I know none of you have ever actually beheaded any living creature (well, I HOPE), but how about plush toys and Barbies and the like?

Preference: Carpet, hardwood, tile, or something else?

What kind of laundry person are you? Do you separate colors, use different temperatures, etc.? How strict are you about it? Do you do the detergent/bleach/fabric softener/etc. or are you a detergent only kind of person? Do you use green detergents?

The Twitter Emitter

GOP in Congress: "WE DEMAND A VOTE ON SYRIA!!!!!!" President Obama: Okay." GOP in Congress: "Oh shit."

— TheObamaDiary.com (@TheObamaDiary) August 31, 2013

Lawd, I never knew there were so many foreign policy experts w. bathroom selfies as avis. 😉 #justhush @DragonflyJonez @TheREAL_MBrooks

— Melinda D. Anderson (@mdawriter) August 31, 2013

Ted Cruz: "I'm glad Obama is seeking congressional authorization for bombing Syria, and we'll give it once he agrees to defund Obamacare."

— Top Conservative Cat (@TeaPartyCat) August 31, 2013

The House will take forever dealing with amendments like renaming Syria Reaganland.

— pourmecoffee (@pourmecoffee) August 31, 2013

I think Congress should vote, but there should only be one working machine, and they have to bring ID.

— David Waldman (@KagroX) August 31, 2013

I support air strikes on Bolton's moustache.

— Danielle (@DCPlod) August 31, 2013

That hissing sound you hear is the air going out of the impeachaholics "Obama overreach" trial balloon.

— sfpelosi (@sfpelosi) August 31, 2013

Lobbying the GOP ahead of the vote, Assad just released a statement saying he hates Obamacare too. "No healthcare for gassed people".

— Frank Vdl (@fvdlfvdl) August 31, 2013

Donald Rumsfeld: "Obama has yet to lay out a clear justification for why we ever invaded Iraq in the first place"

— The Daily Edge (@TheDailyEdge) September 1, 2013

It does seem cruel for Obama to force the House GOP caucus to vote on Syrian invasion when most of them will still be grieving for Tim Tebow

— Chris Lehmann (@lehmannchris) September 1, 2013

Republicans refuse to come back from vacation early to vote on Syria. Press blames Obama for golfing. http://t.co/0RfOpTZbS5

— Brian Blank (@Brian_Blank) September 1, 2013

Thank goodness we're getting sober commentary on Syria from the guy that sang "Bomb Iran" to the tune of "Barbara Ann" and selected Palin.

— norbizness (@norbizness) September 1, 2013

Lieberman was interviewed on Fox News, dashing the hopes of millions who hoped never to hear from him again.

— Chris Dashiell (@cdashiell) September 1, 2013

Interrogatories

What were you into before it was cool? Is it still cool?

Is your local weather doing what it should be doing this time of year?

Have you ever read any classic horror, such as Frankenstein or Dracula?

Do you find it easier to remember things that just happened, or things that happened long ago? Quick, what day is it?

I haven’t asked this lately – what song is going through your head right now (or if none, the most recent)?

The Twitter Emitter

Fracking is completely safe. Just don't drink water ever again. Or eat fish. Also, try to ignore the earthquakes. http://t.co/wLSPLqbxH9

— Donald J. Drumpf (@RealDonalDrumpf) August 30, 2013

Obviously we can believe White House spokesman Josh Earnest. HIS NAME IS EARNEST!! Though he could be joshing us.

— Karl (@JerryMander) August 30, 2013

Hey man, Exxon is gassing Arkansas, can't we cruise missile them before we worry about Syria, @BarackObama ?

— Karl (@JerryMander) August 30, 2013

Every day thousands of old CD racks are sent to the dump, where they are mercilessly mocked by bitter old cassette racks.

— John Fugelsang (@JohnFugelsang) August 30, 2013

"I make $15/hr or less. Instead of wanting higher wages for all including myself, I will fight for fast food workers to make less" - IDIOTS

— Matt Binder (@MattBinder) August 29, 2013

So which is it, libertarians? Low wage workers either get higher pay or rely on social welfare. Can't deny both. The math doesn't add up.

— Greg Basta (@GBNYChange) August 29, 2013

I’m amazed by how many people think it’s OUTRAGEOUS to pay poor people more money for their work.

— Jamelle Bouie (@jbouie) August 29, 2013

Baby boomers are redefining retirement, reports @TIME. It is now called: "Still fucking working" http://t.co/tZbwYv5Ixv

— The Daily Edge (@TheDailyEdge) August 30, 2013

Mankind would die without 2 elements: Hydrogen and Oxygen. Without them, we couldn't have water, and without water we couldn't have coffee.

— RUTH BUZZI (@Ruth_A_Buzzi) August 26, 2013

Life is funny: one day you're a nobody, the next you still are.

— God (@TheTweetOfGod) August 29, 2013

Interrogatories

Of all the music styles associated with a particular city (Detroit, Memphis, Philly, Seattle, San Francisco, etc.) which is your favorite?

Are you pro or anti nuclear power? Why?

Do you try to avoid cooking or eating with salt? Is it easy?

When did you first actually feel like an adult? Do you recall what triggered that feeling?

The Twitter Emitter

Glenn Beck condemns March on Washington events for ignoring the historic 3rd anniversary of his Restoring Honor rally http://t.co/8cjU4xjcqN

— LOLGOP (@LOLGOP) August 28, 2013

POLL: 52% of conservatives feel that race relations have improved so much that it's time to make it harder for black people to vote.

— LOLGOP (@LOLGOP) August 28, 2013

"I can't imagine the president announcing military action against Syria today…I mean, 'optics!' it's Honey Boo Boo's birthday!"

— Olivier Knox (@OKnox) August 28, 2013

Look, Congress would like to weigh in on what action the US takes on Syria, but not if it means coming back from vacation early.

— Top Conservative Cat (@TeaPartyCat) August 28, 2013

I'm really envious of Ted Cruz and his dad. I wish my dad and I bonded over things like creating our own blacklist.

— LOLGOP (@LOLGOP) August 28, 2013

That awkward moment when ESPN decides Sports Center should examine Martin Luther King Jr.’s “I Have A Dream” speech and its impact.

— Top Conservative Cat (@TeaPartyCat) August 28, 2013

NOTE: Republicans did help pass the Civil Rights Act, which doesn't make it okay to cancel early voting because minorities use it.

— LOLGOP (@LOLGOP) August 28, 2013

Today is National Appropriate Martin Luther King Jr. To Support Your Own Agenda Day.

— Top Conservative Cat (@TeaPartyCat) August 28, 2013

Since we're playing the game of appropriating the views of dead moral titans, I'm pretty sure Lincoln would have hated Bill O'Reilly.

— Christopher Hayes (@chrislhayes) August 28, 2013

I'm outraged by whatever the latest thing is.

— Chris Dashiell (@cdashiell) August 28, 2013

Joe Walsh has a dream that young black men will one day do all the things he doesn't do because he's busy. http://t.co/6qlMoMRsBv

— Jesse Taylor (@jesseltaylor) August 28, 2013

Voter fraud – n. non-white people voting

— LOLGOP (@LOLGOP) August 28, 2013

When tens of thousands of refugees from your country are fleeing TO Iraq, your country is in a bad way.

— God (@TheTweetOfGod) August 28, 2013

Sometimes I hear people say nothing has changed. Come walk in my shoes.

— John Lewis (@repjohnlewis) August 28, 2013

There are strong parallels between US misadventures in the Middle East and Daenerys Targaryen's occupation of Slaver's Bay.

— Dante Atkins (@DanteAtkins) August 28, 2013

Interrogatories

Do any of the keys on your keyboard have that telltale crunch from food crumbs you’ve gotten in it? What food is the culprit?

Do you use the words ‘Sir’ and ‘Ma’am’? Do you like the words being used on you?

Did you ever make yourself dizzy on purpose?

What expressions, exclamations, and cliches do you find annoying?

Were you or anyone you know present at the March on Washington?

The Twitter Emitter

A clean house is a sign of no internet connection.

— Turd Ferguson (@HapInTheCap) March 19, 2012

When I get my own dragon, the first thing I'm doing is attacking a renaissance faire.

— $pencer (@13spencer) July 23, 2012

Most popular music should not be.

— God (@TheTweetOfGod) August 26, 2013

Rand Paul says no one has a right to his labor, also believes he has the right to force a woman to go into labor.

— LOLGOP (@LOLGOP) August 26, 2013

Well, of course Trump University didn't help everyone; Trump's methods only work if you start by inheriting $100 million.

— Top Conservative Cat (@TeaPartyCat) August 26, 2013

Well, well, what a surprise – it turns out Obama's birth certificate is real and Trump University diplomas are fake.

— Frank Conniff (@FrankConniff) August 26, 2013

The most rebellious & original act a former Disney star could commit at this point would be to read a lot.

— Litsa Dremousis (@LitsaDremousis) August 27, 2013

Write what you know, or what other people don't know.

— Ben Greenman (@bengreenman) August 27, 2013

You know if Romney were president, he could solve the crisis in Syria by doing a leveraged buyout and just laying off Assad.

— Top Conservative Cat (@TeaPartyCat) August 27, 2013

FOX News would like to remind you a) only the private sector can create jobs, and b) Obama has failed to create jobs. #p2

— John Fugelsang (@JohnFugelsang) August 27, 2013

Interrogatories

Is there any kind of shopping you enjoy? If so, what? What is the worst kind?

Do you enjoy puzzles? What’s your favorite kind of puzzle?

What is the most pain you have felt?

What’s the best advice you were ever given? Did you take it?

Is there anyone you need to forgive? Do you think you will?

The Twitter Emitter

People who spy on you have implicitly admitted that your life is more interesting than theirs.

— Neil deGrasse Tyson (@neiltyson) August 17, 2013

The secret to effective prayer is asking for things that would have happened anyway.

— God (@TheTweetOfGod) August 18, 2013

#IfObamaHadWrittenTheConstitution he'd probably forget to make Christianity the official religion like that bum Thomas Jefferson did.

— Top Conservative Cat (@TeaPartyCat) August 25, 2013

A shame Trump University is being attacked right as researchers there were about to find the cure for relieving suckers of their money.

— LOLGOP (@LOLGOP) August 26, 2013

1st lesson in pol. journalism should be knowing the difference between "this is new, important and good" and "this flatters my worldview."

— sethdmichaels (@sethdmichaels) August 26, 2013

If Assad had done something outrageous at the VMAs, this all would have come to a head sooner.

— Josh Greenman (@joshgreenman) August 26, 2013

Never judge a book by its movie.

— Eastwood (@Eagle_Vision) August 26, 2013

Person Most Sure of American Exceptionalism Also Person Most Livid at State of American Culture

— Josh Greenman (@joshgreenman) August 26, 2013

Some day when scientists discover the center of the universe many people are going to be disappointed to find out it isn't them.

— Grumpy Cat (@ItsTheGrumpyCat) August 26, 2013

Just caught up on all my social media after the weekend. Guys, quit making fun of Miley Cyrus. She's going to make a great Batman.

— Jewel Staite (@JewelStaite) August 26, 2013

So from what I gather from Twitter, we're gonna bomb Syria with Miley Cyrus. Is that about right?

— The Rude Pundit (@rudepundit) August 26, 2013

Interrogatories

It’s National Cherry Popsicle Day. What is your favorite popsicle flavor?

Did you ride on the school bus? If so, do you have negative or positive memories? (Conversely, if you didn’t take the bus, did you walk barefoot for 15 miles in the snow, uphill both ways?)

Did your school have a dress code?

Today is Women’s Equality Day. Do you think that women can achieve equality without addressing other issues, such as racism and poverty?

The Twitter Emitter

Grandpa always said 'Kids, there are only 2 things certain in life: Death, and Resident Evil sequels.'

— John Fugelsang (@JohnFugelsang) August 21, 2013

Ted Cruz's parents went to Canada to anchor-baby their way into the health care system #tcot

— Gen JC Christian (@JC_Christian) August 22, 2013

"According to the dictionary, 'literally' also means 'figuratively'" http://t.co/1tJq7R97Ta I am literally beside myself over this.

— Ben Greenman (@bengreenman) August 25, 2013

Ted Cruz: I'm not trying to shut down the government. I'm just trying to nullify the last presidential election.

— LOLGOP (@LOLGOP) August 25, 2013

Trump University: The only University that offers a "lower the bar" exam. @TheReidReport

— Lizz Winstead (@lizzwinstead) August 25, 2013

The tree of liberty must be refreshed from time to time with the blood of innocents thousands of miles away.

— William K. Wolfrum (@Wolfrum) August 25, 2013

Donald Trump is an asshole's asshole. He's the kind of asshole other assholes look at and say, "Now THERE'S an asshole."

— God (@TheTweetOfGod) August 25, 2013

Loving the 2nd Amendment while opposing the NRA is as natural as loving Jesus while opposing Westboro Baptist Church. #p2

— John Fugelsang (@JohnFugelsang) August 25, 2013

Yesterday, 200,000 in D.C. civil rights march. Or as Mayor Bloomberg called it, the mother of all Stop and Frisk opportunities.

— Elayne Boosler (@ElayneBoosler) August 25, 2013

I must be a freak since I can care about more than one issue at a time.

— Chris Dashiell (@cdashiell) August 25, 2013

Ted Cruz should publicly renounce Cuban citizenship just to be safe.

— Gen JC Christian (@JC_Christian) August 25, 2013

I think my diploma from Trump Medical, Cosmetology, and Transmission Repair University might not be worth the Post-It note it's printed on.

— TBogg (@tbogg) August 25, 2013

46% of Louisiana voters believe that Obama caused the sinking of the Titanic.

— Chris Dashiell (@cdashiell) August 25, 2013