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Since 2008 – Progress Through Politics

Breaking: Disney To Provide National Health Care

BURBANK: Information is beginning to emerge from the inside the The Walt Disney Company, that the entertainment and media giant is preparing to announce a national health plan for everyone in the U.S.

CEO Robert “Bob” Iger has scheduled a press conference for this Thursday,two hours before President Barack Obama‘s address to the joint chambers of Congress.  With rumors swirling of The White House taking up a draft of its own health care plan, this move is clearly designed to beat the President to the punch and gain the initiative.

(Cross-posted at The National Gadfly.

This very bold move, the first example of private enterprise seeking to displace Federal legislation took shape over the August Congressional recess.  House Minority Leader John Boehner was vacationing with his family at Disneyworld.  With the vast majority of Rep. Boehner’s constituents having been bussed off to disrupt Democratic Party town-hall meetings, he opted to spend time with his family.  Upon arrival, Boehner was  informed that all things are possible in Disneyworld, especially in Fantasyland.  Boehner immediately asked to speak to ‘someone in charge’.  He was rushed into a meeting with Mickey in his exclusive car on the monorail.  Aides close to Rep. Boehner describe the meeting as colorful and animated.

Since that meeting, executives at Disney have been working frantically to broker a solution for the two most pressing issues facing the citizens of the US: the health care crisis and the 100 million homes that are not directly connected to a Disney-owned media stream.

Final details are still being worked out in advance of their presentation later this week.  However, we have learned that Disney will purchase Blue Cross / Blue Shield outright.  Additionally, Disney will establish a data / media network to provide all medical providers with access to medical records and useful daytime TV programming for their reception areas.  This last move will give medical providers access to electronic medical records compliance standards and edge out Fox, CBS and NBC from the critical ‘appointment’ viewers demographic.

On the patient side, Disney has partnered with Microsoft and Apple to deliver a system that allows patients to access to their online records, phyisician’s appointments and coverage by subscribing to a licensed ISP / CableTV provider.  The initial system will only work with Windows 7 or OS X 10.5 and iPhone 3G.

Regarding eligibility and pricing, the details will be made public after the official announcement.  It is believed that no one will be turned away without first being offered a higher premium.  Illegal immigrants will not be covered except for a limited workers’ compensation offering available only during the summer tourist season.

In a joint statement from Rep. Boehner and The Walt Disney Co, they simply stated.

“We are offering a Mickey Mouse health care solution for the American people.”

Expect to hear more on this in the days to come.



  1. DTOzone

    His column this week is “Forget it, we lost, everyone sucks, too bad”

    Over the course of this summer, those two failed systems have collided in a spectacular crossroads moment in American history. We have an urgent national emergency on the one hand, and on the other, a comfortable majority of ostensibly simpatico Democrats who were elected by an angry population, in large part, specifically to reform health care. When they all sat down in Washington to tackle the problem, it amounted to a referendum on whether or not we actually have a functioning government.

    It’s a situation that one would have thought would be sobering enough to snap Congress into real action for once. Instead, they did the exact opposite, doubling down on the same-old, same-old and laboring day and night in the halls of the Capitol to deliver us a tour de force of old thinking and legislative trickery, as if that’s what we really wanted. Almost every single one of the main players – from House Speaker Nancy Pelosi to Blue Dog turncoat Max Baucus – found some unforeseeable, unique-to-them way to fuck this thing up. Even Ted Kennedy, for whom successful health care reform was to be the great vindicating achievement of his career, and Barack Obama, whose entire presidency will likely be judged by this bill, managed to come up small when the lights came on.

    We might look back on this summer someday and think of it as the moment when our government lost us for good. It was that bad.

    His suggestion…??????

  2. Hollede

    In a joint statement from Rep. Boehner and The Walt Disney Co, they simply stated.

    “We are offering a Mickey Mouse health care solution for the American people.”

    Too funny and sooo true.

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