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Since 2008 – Progress Through Politics

The Lounge: The Blob That Ate Alaska

Anchorage Daily News reports that an amorphous blob of unknown biological matter stretching across miles of open ocean is threatening the Alaskan coast. North Slope Borough Planning and Community Services Department officials, joined by the U.S. Coast Guard, flew out to Wainwright to investigate. The agencies found “globs” of the stuff floating miles offshore Friday and collected samples for testing.

One state official, on condition of anonymity, noted that there have yet to be any sightings of the blob and Sarah Palin in the same place at the same time.  “I’m not suggesting that there is any connection between the two – like a Secret Identity of anything”, the well-connected source was heard to comment, “I’m just sayin’.”

Rant Rave has this:

The scanty “Alaska goo” news reports say the substance is sticky, smells rotten, and even has “hairy strands” on it. It has trapped jellyfish and sea birds in its gluey strands (while preparing for human-sized prey?) and confused the heck out of scientists in Alaska. Blob movies mock the idea of a super-sized Alaska goo creature, but I’m a little scared.

I’m a little scared, too.   What is even more frightening is that there are unconfirmed reports that the blob is resigning it’s position in the northern Pacific and is rumored to be in talks with FOX News about establishing a nation-wide presence in the Lower 48.

Valdis Kletnieks, a well known exobiologist and expert in ancient prophecy at Virginia Tech issued this somewhat cryptic and disturbing statement earlier today before smiling obscurely and sauntering happily away from reporters:

“The chaos is coming, the haunter of universe, and the blind creator bless the dragon who sleeps. Cthulhu awakens like a storm from beyond as the crimson opens, howling from a distant space. A string of light from his house in R’lyeh… Behold! Hear the thunder roar as he enters the world. His world…”

Reports of firelight vigils have begun to trickle in and at least one group of locals has been stopped while making their way to the blob with burnt offerings.  “We’ve been through enough sh*t in the last year,” their leader was heard shouting at the police who blocked their efforts to perform the ritual sacrifice.  “I’ll gnaw my leg off to get that horrible creature out of my state, and the same goes for this nasty blob.”


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1 comment

  1. fogiv

    Sarah is much beloved, particularly by the Mensa hopefuls over at Texas Darlin’s.  In response a post boldly titled Have no fear, Sarah isn’t going anywhere! (which is actually a pretty good read if your into laughing until you pee your pants),

    alforhill50

    At this moment in time, we the American people need a hero. A champion. Someone to pick up the sword of truth and honor and lead us through these difficult times. I am only sad that Hillary’s hands were tied and mouth bound by unknown sources of the “powers that be” whereas she cannot be the one to do this. But for me Sarah has the “UUMPH,” to take the lickin and come back kickin. I think the OB Admin has underestimated her to their own peril. When I saw her for the first time, I thought to myself, “this woman is someone to watch.” I hope and pray she proves me right in my assumption and beliefs about her.

    Uhhh, what?

    watchfulraven

    Has anyone else noticed that since Sarah really began speaking out against “Teh One” a month or so ago…others have as well? And that more news stories are now at least dipping their toe into those waters?

    Personally, I’d love to see Hillary tag-team with Sarah…(one can dream, right?)

    Ok, benefit of the doubt.  Let’s assume that watchfulraven lacks the cognitive ability to recognize what that last bit sounds like, and is therefore likely to be a “teabagger”.  That aside, absolutely you little bird!  You can dream of a Sarah/Hillary dream ticket.  You could also trim your toenails with a chainsaw.  Either course is stupid.

    Quantum Leap

    Do you think there is still time? I mean Chavez went ballisitc today saying Obama was moving too fast and to move slow with installing marxism like he himself did. Any one see that in today’s news?

    I think this is a lot to put onto one person {Sarah Palin} although we have no other. We have a congress et al that is running an unconstitutional government policy. Yes it’s true but meanchelle wants to protect her dynasty so sh’ell do anything to try and destroy her opponents. Of course I’lll vote for Palin. I’ll donate time and money too.

    O.M.G.  What the fuck is wrong with these people?  The News about Chavez? Meanchelle?

    Hey, why the hell don’t we have any diaries up here at the Moose about congress et al that is running an unconstitutional government policy?  That sounds pretty damned scary!

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